Neville quotes from Auf Wiedersehen, Pet

Neville

Look I’ve gotta go. You’ll be okay will you?

Dennis

Me, aye, I’m just gonna have a night in front of the telly. If we had a telly.

Hey, where were you that night?

Neville

What night?

That night!

The night! The night!

Neville

That night?! Oh, what a night!

What happened that night?

We beat Bayern Munich in Barcelona!

Neville

Ayeeeee, the two jammy goals in stoppage time

Jammy? I don’t know that word

Neville

It means brilliant.

Oh right okay! We win the triple. It was a jammy evening, the climax of a jammy season! Ah, salut!

Salut!

Call him, tell him you’ll drop round his flat for drinks. Put these in his Vodka Martini.

Neville

What will they do?!

Put him to sleep. It’s a date rape drug. He’ll be out for a couple of hours.

Neville

And then what?!

Find the package. You take it to the door of the apartment building, Felipe will be there to make a copy. You take the original back to the flat, wait for him to wake up, and then go out and get drunk or laid...or whatever the pair of you do.

Neville

At home on a Sunday night, Brenda orders in a pizza and we watch Songs of Praise.

Wyman

Bloody hell! Neville the spy!

Neville

I’ve hated every minute of it, lying to all of you, lying to my wife. I’m not even very good at it. I had to doctor a bloke’s drink one night. You know, knock out drops.

Go ay!

Oz

Hells teeth, That’s bloody hardcore!

Neville

I drank it myself!

Dennis

Sorry.

Neville

I’m glad this has happened really, it’s been a terrible strain. I’m really glad you did this, really. Thanks.

Bomber

Let it all come out Neville, don’t hold anything back.

Barry

I think this is where we should all hug.

Oz

Dear me, you look like you’re bloody sopranos.

Big relief though, ey?

Neville

Yeah.

I bet you feel like you’ve just passed a bowling ball.