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S2 E3

Archer · Season 2, Episode 3

“Blood Test” quotes from Archer

7 quotes

“Blood Test” · Season 2, Episode 3

In this episode: Pam Poovey (4), Malory Archer (3), Cheryl Tunt (3), Lana Kane (2), Dr. Krieger (2), Ray Gillette (1)

So as far as Archer is concerned, I feel like I dodged the world's most dysfunctional bullet.

Yeah, but Cyril was... oh wait, did he have some sort of character flaw?

[Brief shots of Lana walking in on Cyril having sex with Scatterbrain Jane, Framboise, and Cheryl (whom he is choking); Cyril is looking up and nervously saying "Hello" in each one]

Couple things...

[She lunges at Cheryl. They fight throughout the following]

Bring it!

Yeah, we are code blue here.

Hey. Yeah, blue! Like for baby boys.

No, I meant, like, for her face...

[To Lana] Choke me!

No, like for let's have a baby shower for Trinette and the wee baby Seamus.

Oh my god yes! But your place is disgusting, so where could we have it?

Well, Archer's got that bangin' pad.

[letting up on Cheryl] He'll hate that. I wanna come.

Ohhhhh, I think I just did.

I feel terrible.

That's because those ODIN ghouls drained a fifth of your blood!

Oh, hey, speaking of fifth...

A drink's the last thing you need!

[Archer is throwing all Woodhouse's shoes off the balcony]

Because I told you to buy Lemon Curd! Now what am I going to spread on my toast, Your tears?!

TTrinette

Ew, what is this? Homemade salad dressing?

Breast milk.

TTrinette

Ew! I actually... have my own.

So... you won't need this.

[Grabs jar and walks away]

Here, it's some plastic dry cleaner bags and a book about SIDS.

TTrinette

What, what kind of shit gift is that?!

Yeah, I made mine.

[shouting from distance] Me too!

[with Woodhouse] That's disgusting. If I wanted to look at your bare feet, Woodhouse, I'd sneak in and do it while you were asleep.

Me too!

. . .

TTrinette

[holding Seamus] Somebody's got a full diaper.

[shouting from distance] Me too!

Have you ever thought about having children?

Sometimes I think I'd like to adopt a little baby. [Pause] So I could abandon it at a mall.

That answers my follow up question.

[Cyril is unconscious in the bathroom]

Cyril. Hey, you awake? [Undoing her belt and dropping her skirt] ‘Cause this is about to get weird.

Pam! Get off Cyril!

[Coming out of the bathroom] I was trying to get him off, Buttinski!

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.