Spike quotes from Angel

Angel

What happened?

Spike

Oh, I just thought I'd see what it was like to bounce off the pavement. Pretty much what I expected.

Spike

A psychotic vampire slayer.

Angel

How many times you gonna keep sayin' that?

Spike

Just tryin' to wrap my lobes around it. A psycho slayer.

Spike?

Spike

[sees Andrew] Oh, for the love of...

Spike? It's you. It's really you! [hugs Spike, sobbing] My therapist thought I was holding onto false hope, but... I knew you'd come back. [sniffles, releases Spike from the hug to look him in the eyes] You're like... you're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, [touches his palms to Spike's face] more beautiful than ever. [hugs Spike tightly around the neck] Ohh... he's alive, Frodo. He's alive.

Angel

[smirking] You two know each other?

[steps back from Spike, sniffles, straightens his lapels] Uh, yeah. Um... We--we saved the world together. I mean, Buffy helped, but... it was mostly us.

Spike

[about Dana] The tingling in my forearms tells me she's too far gone to help. She's... one of us now. She's a monster.

Angel

She's an innocent victim.

Spike

So were we... once upon a time.

Angel

[understanding] Once upon a time.

Spike

She's evil, you gormless tit!

Cordelia

Excuse me? Who bit whom?

Angel

Did you call me a tit?

Cordelia

I thought he had a soul.

Spike

I thought she didn't.

Cordelia

I do.

Spike

So do I.

Cordelia

Well, clearly mine's better!

Angel

We've got a problem, Eve.

Eve

Damn right, you do. When I tell the partners you assaulted me--

Angel

[pacing] A couple weeks ago, a man approached Spike. Told him that the Powers That Be have some missions for him. Spike, brain trust that he is, went along with it.

Spike

[insulted] Hey!

Angel

[standing in front of Eve now] He's the one who told Spike to save me from the parasite. The parasite you put on me in the first place.

Eve

Not this again.

Cordelia

Get out of that chair and I will feed you those Manolo Blahniks. [looks at Eve's shoes] Which are stunning, by the way. [smirks]

Angel

Seems to me like you and this guy are working together.

Eve

[sits] Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but you--you can't keep me here. I have to leave.

Angel

But the thing that really, really pisses me off is that this guy seems to be going by the name of Doyle.

Eve

Doesn't ring a bell.

Cordelia

It does to me. [yelling in Eve's face] Rings a big fricking gong, and I wanna know who has the nerve to be using that name.

Angel

I'm gonna give you one chance to tell me where he is.

Wesley

Had to be someone else. Someone with the ability to slip past Wolfram & Hart security systems.

Lorne

Like our magically tattooed faux Doyle.

Angel

Spike, I don't wanna go in blind. Anything else you know about this guy?

Spike

Not much. Average size. Dressed like an urban cowboy. Got his hand chopped off once.

His hand?

Wesley

He's back.

Angel

Lindsey.

Who?

Angel

Lock the building down, make sure he can't get out. Don't trust security systems. He won't show up because of those tattoos of his.

Wesley

There could be a way to fix that. I'll need some help.

Lorne

My dance card's free.

[to Angel] Who is Lindsey?

Cordelia

A lawyer. Wolfram & Hart's former golden boy, till he ran off to go find himself.

Angel

Yeah, he should've stayed lost. Harmony, guard Eve. She moves, eat her.

Harmony

[grins widely] Really? Thanks.

Angel

You're a Nazi?

Spike

[Wearing a Nazi jacket] What? Oh. No, I just ate one.

Spike

Sneaky bastards, the SS. Don't ever go to a free virgin blood party. Turns out, it's probably a trap.

Angel

You were captured at a free virgin blood party?

Spike

I know. Who would've thought.

Angel

We are not going to kill anyone, understood?

Spike

[Making a rude hand gesture at Angel] Heil Hitler.

Spike

Really ought to do something about security. They'll let anybody in here, won't thèy7 Fred gave me the Cliff Notes. So, sailor boy finally came back for a yo-ho-ho, did he?

Angel

Finally came back.

Spike

Took him long enough. Know revenge is best served cold and all, but his must've been frozen solid.

Angel

I don't think that's what he was after.

Spike

No? Then what was he looking for?

Angel

A reason.

Spike

[barges into Angel's office] Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink... [stops in mid-thought when he sees puppet Angel sitting at the desk]

Puppet Angel

[anxiously] Spike...

Spike

[staring] Look at you.

Puppet Angel

[gesturing with his hands] Just turn around and walk away.

Spike

[still staring] You're a--

Puppet Angel

Spike!

Spike

You're a bloody puppet! [starts laughing uncontrollably]

Puppet Angel

What are you people looking at? Well?!

Spike

They're looking at the wee little puppet man.

Puppet Angel

[after beating Spike, to the bemused staff] Yes, I'm a puppet. Doesn't mean you don't have work to do. [walking back to his office] Harmony, get my call list.

Harmony

Um...

Puppet Angel

Spike needs a car.

Spike

[to Harmony] You heard the puppet.

Spike

Fuss, fuss. The thing was about to strike. It was on your back. What was I supposed to do?

Angel

Ask me to turn around.

Spike

Heat of battle. There wasn't time.

Angel

You just like stabbing me.

Spike

I--I'm shocked-- shocked that you'd say that. I much prefer hitting you with blunt instruments.