Puppet Angel quotes from Angel

Spike

Hey! Fred! Did ya hear? Angel attacked the old mail guy.

Angel

What?!

Not Number 5? You didn't hurt him?

Angel

No. I -- he attacked me.

Wesley

We should find him.

Spike

Absolutely. Wanna buy him a pint. Bloody made my day.

Lorne

Holy tornado, it's true!

Spike

Yeah, it was amazing! Angel went right off on the mail guy.

Lorne

Oh this must've been one major smackdown!

Angel

There was no smacking!

Lorne

That's not the hubbub I'm hearing, honey buns. Word on the web has you sucker punching Grandpa Moses.

Angel

The web?

Lorne

Don't sweat it, sweetie pie. I've got my flack-catcher spinnin' this into PR gold. And once the word spreads that you beat up an innocent old man, the truly terrible will think twice before goin' toe to toe with our Avenging Angel.

Spike

Yes. The geriatric community will be soilin' their nappies when they hear you're on the case. Bravo!

Eve

[About Wesley] Willing to risk anything... or anyone... for the greater good. Look, hey... I'm just asking. Could it be there's another reason you're getting so mad at him about this? Mmm... stealing your son, for instance?

Angel

We don't talk about my son.

Eve

You don't trust Wesley, do you? I mean, I can see that. He did turn Connor over to your sworn enemy.

Angel

He didn't mean for that to happen. He thought he was doing the right thing.

Eve

And I guess it all worked out. Connor's OK, you're happy. Maybe Wesley knew what he was doing after all. Even if he doesn't remember any of it.

Angel

That's got nothing to do with... I just want to be kept informed. That's all.

Eve

Is it? Or are you worried about the next time Wesley betrays you trying to do "the right thing"?

Angel

You know, I killed my actual father. It was one of the first things I did when I became a vampire.

Wesley

I hardly see how that's the same situation.

Angel

Yeah, I really didn't think that one through.

Spike

Come on, hero. Tell me more. Teach me what it means. And I'll tell you why you can't stand the bloody sight of me.

Angel

Tell it to your therapist.

Spike

'Cause every time you look at me, you see all the dirty little things I've done, all the lives I've taken... because of you! Drusilla sired me, but you... you made me a monster.

Angel

I didn't make you, Spike. I just opened up the door, and let the real you out.

Spike

You never knew the real me. Too busy trying to see your own reflection, praying there was someone as disgusting as you in the world, so you could stand to live with yourself. Take a long look, hero. I'm nothing like you!

Angel

No, you're less. That's why Buffy never really loved you, because you weren't me.

Spike

Guess that means she was thinking about you all those times I was putting it to her.

Spike

Look at you. Fighting for truth, justice, and soccer moms. But you still can't lay flesh on a cross without smelling like bacon, can you?

Angel

Like you're any different.

Spike

That's just it. I am, and you know it. You had a soul forced on you as a curse, make you suffer for all the horrible things you've done. But me, I fought for my soul, went throught the demon trials. Almost did me in a dozen times over but I kept fighting. 'Cause I knew it was the right thing to do. It's my destiny.

Angel

Really? Heard it was just to get inside a girl's pants.

Spike

Probably should've dusted you. But honestly... I don't wanna hear her bitch about it.

Angel

Spike, wait. Wait. That's not a prize you're holding. It's not a trophy. It's a burden. It's a cross. One you're gonna have to bear till it burns you to ashes. Believe me. I know. So ask yourself: Is this really the destiny that was meant for you? Do you even really want it? Or is it that you just want to take something away from me?

Spike

[pauses] Bit of both. [drinks]

Angel

[lunges to try to stop him, but too late.] Spike?

Spike

[drops the cup, stares at Angel, bewildered.] I-it's... Mountain Dew.

Harmony

I just--I don't get it. Why'd you kill Eli?

Angel

Didn't much like what he was doing in his off hours.

Harmony

Well, that's not right. What Eli did on his own time--

Gunn

Is dismember virgins.

Harmony

Oh. Well, a person's religious beliefs is no cause for--

Gunn

He did it for his own amusement.

Harmony

Oh. Well, okay. Still, couldn't you've given him a stern warning or something first?

Angel

Called a zero-tolerance policy, not a maybe-this-once policy.

A lawyer? I already told the police everything I know.

Angel

Well, let's go over it again, just in case you left out any details.

Spike

What he said. But with a bit more of a threat at the end.

Angel

What happened?

Spike

Oh, I just thought I'd see what it was like to bounce off the pavement. Pretty much what I expected.

Spike

A psychotic vampire slayer.

Angel

How many times you gonna keep sayin' that?

Spike

Just tryin' to wrap my lobes around it. A psycho slayer.

Spike?

Spike

[sees Andrew] Oh, for the love of...

Spike? It's you. It's really you! [hugs Spike, sobbing] My therapist thought I was holding onto false hope, but... I knew you'd come back. [sniffles, releases Spike from the hug to look him in the eyes] You're like... you're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, [touches his palms to Spike's face] more beautiful than ever. [hugs Spike tightly around the neck] Ohh... he's alive, Frodo. He's alive.

Angel

[smirking] You two know each other?

[steps back from Spike, sniffles, straightens his lapels] Uh, yeah. Um... We--we saved the world together. I mean, Buffy helped, but... it was mostly us.

Spike

[about Dana] The tingling in my forearms tells me she's too far gone to help. She's... one of us now. She's a monster.

Angel

She's an innocent victim.

Spike

So were we... once upon a time.

Angel

[understanding] Once upon a time.

Spike

She's evil, you gormless tit!

Cordelia

Excuse me? Who bit whom?

Angel

Did you call me a tit?

Cordelia

I thought he had a soul.

Spike

I thought she didn't.

Cordelia

I do.

Spike

So do I.

Cordelia

Well, clearly mine's better!

Angel

We've got a problem, Eve.

Eve

Damn right, you do. When I tell the partners you assaulted me--

Angel

[pacing] A couple weeks ago, a man approached Spike. Told him that the Powers That Be have some missions for him. Spike, brain trust that he is, went along with it.

Spike

[insulted] Hey!

Angel

[standing in front of Eve now] He's the one who told Spike to save me from the parasite. The parasite you put on me in the first place.

Eve

Not this again.

Cordelia

Get out of that chair and I will feed you those Manolo Blahniks. [looks at Eve's shoes] Which are stunning, by the way. [smirks]

Angel

Seems to me like you and this guy are working together.

Eve

[sits] Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but you--you can't keep me here. I have to leave.

Angel

But the thing that really, really pisses me off is that this guy seems to be going by the name of Doyle.

Eve

Doesn't ring a bell.

Cordelia

It does to me. [yelling in Eve's face] Rings a big fricking gong, and I wanna know who has the nerve to be using that name.

Angel

I'm gonna give you one chance to tell me where he is.