American Dad! quotes

527 total quotes

All Seasons
 Season 1   Season 2   Season 3   Season 4   Season 5   Season 6   Season 7   Season 8  

Barry: Yes, Francine's first on my list. My list to kill! My name is Barry.

Bernie: Hello, line one. You're on with Bernie.
Caller: You son of a bitch. I'm gonna kill you.
[Bernie's eyes widen. Reveal that Stan is calling Bernie as he's having dinner in front of the TV]
Stan: I'm gonna finish this meatloaf, get on a plane to Toronto and shoot you in your lying face.
Season 5

Betty: I don't understand. We had such a good time on our first two dates. Then we were at the movies. He went to get popcorn and never came back. I had to watch the whole thing by myself. Adam Sandler had a remote control, I didn't know what was happening.

Bill Pullman: Has your loved one's memory been irretrievably lost? Hi. I'm forgettable actor Bill Pullman. You might not remember me from such movies as "While You Were Sleeping" and "Twister". Wait, was I in "Twister"? No, no that was Bill Paxton. See? Memory can be pretty tricky. So that's why if you tell your loved one what's happened to them, their brain will implode. Good luck. I'm Bill Pullman. Oh, oh, I was also in Independence D... [TV turns off]
Stan: Jeff Daniels is right.

Billy: A fake rock? This world would never ceases to amaze and inspire me!

Breakfast Haus waiter: Y'all have enough time?
Roger: I'll have two eggs � one over easy, one over medium � three sausage links, a cup of cottage cheese with a drizzle of honey, a fruit cup � unless it's mostly honeydew melon, in which case skip it and make it half a grapefruit, a glass of whole milk over ice and a side of toast, barely browned � closer to bread than toast, I'm not joking � with as many local jams as you have in stock. Oh, and a Bloody Mary.
Breakfast Haus waiter: We don't serve alcohol.
[scene changes to Café Olé]

Bullock: Gentleman do what ever it takes to empty our coffers.
Lap dances, champagne dances, shower dances.
Oh, the things you can buy for a hand full of bills.
It makes me excited.
It gives me the chills.
They'll be filcher rubs, breeders, hambones and tweeners
Zobos and debos and blorps that go, "Eenahs!"
For a one dollar bill
You can pull down their zippers.
I am the Snorax
I speak for the strippers!

Bullock: Oh, look. Miss Pinkerton fainted at the market buying canned salmon for her puss-puss. Get up, Smith! I have no choice but to suspend you until you deal with your weight problem.

Bullock: Reverse memory erasing? Now that would be science fiction.

Bullock: Stan, this is Coco.
Coco: [to Stan] Got any cigarettes?
Stan: Uh, no.
Coco: Then go suck it.
Bullock: [to Stan] Isn't she great?!

Bush: Stan, those things don't make your daughter a lost cause. Look at me. When I was her age, I was blitzed off my ass 24-seven. Doin' Tequila shots, Jell-O shooters, Mind Erasers, Cement Mixers, Dr. Pepper Bombs, Mud Slides, Kamikazes, Jageritas, Lemon Drops, B-52s, Fuzzy Navels, Gorilla Farts, Scorpion Bowls, Singapore Slings, Prairie Fires, Bloody Marys, Slippery Nipples...
Steve: [Upon seeing George Bush] Holy Fuck! We were just about to call you!

Butch (repeated line): But seriously, anyone know anything about any launch codes?

Carmen Selectra: While our producers sort this out I would like to make an announcement, Steve Smith, I flew my doctor in on my private jet and I had them removed! They're all real baby! So come and get it!
Steve: Yeah!
[stage collapses and crushes Carmen Selectra]
Steve: Noooooo!
Female Spring Breaker: Oh my god! she's dead! Carmen is dead!
Male Spring Breaker: Oooh if only if she'd had some sort of cushioning on her chest, something not real, Fake if you will, to withstand the impact.
Season 4

Cee Lo Green: Well, hello there. My name...It's not important. Well, what is is the next half hour. You're gonna see a cautionary tale that may greatly influence your next hot tub purchase.

Christie White: We'll call you in Aunt Janet's farm in Iowa once you get settled.
Betsy White: So does this mean I don't have to do gymnastics any more?
Christie White: Of course it does!
Chuck White: You should have thought of that before doing the splits all over town! Ha Ha!