Ally McBeal quotes

Ally McBeal

I'm not sure how it all started. Oh, it was because I smelled his bottom.It wasn 't that stupid. Dogs did it. That's how they knew for sure.

Richard

Make enough money, and everything else will follow. Quote me. That's a Fishism.

Ally

I think I need to believe that it works

Billy

What works?

Ally

Love. Couple hood. Partnerships. The idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me when I'm going to bed at night, even if I'm going to bed alone. That's a McBealism.

Richard

Everybody's alone, Ally. It's just easier to take in a relationship.

Ally

Elaine, you look like Hannibal Lecter.

Ally

Do you think I'm nuts?

No, I don't think you're nuts, but I don't think that you have both feet on the ground either.

Ally McBeal

You mean some people do?

Ally

How did I get to be such a mess so soon in my life?

Billy

You've always been ahead of your time.

John

[about Santa Claus] A fat man, trying to squeeze through a narrow chimney, and I taunt him with Oreos and a glass of whole milk.

John

If you think back, and replay your year - if it doesn't bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.

Nelle

Ling, how can it not be a little degrading, women stranding around in bathing suits ? Guys whooping?

Ling

First, the women there make nearly a hundred thousand dollars a year. How? These drunken Neanderthals hurl money at them. Go into that club. You come out with a lower opinion of men, trust me.

Nelle

That could be true, but these girls do make that money with their bodies.

Ling

They make it, by teasing men with something they'll never get their hands on. That goes to the very essence of a woman.

Nelle

Excuse me?

Ling

Sex is a weapon. We all use it, we tease, we tantalize, we withhold it, something we do in almost every walk of life, be it marriage, business. God gave us that advantage by giving men the dumb stick.

So, as a woman, you see nothing wrong with putting out naked girls in a ring, rubbing mud on their breasts for the sole purpose of titillating men?

Ling

No.

Nothing at all ?

Ling

Suppose we put them in a ring as boxers and cheer for one to knock the other unconscious. Would that be better?

You're comparing boxing to mud-wrestling ?

Ling

Of course not. Boxing is worse. Talk about reducing people -- let's pay two men to beat on each other, how rich!

Have you ever met any women in your club ?

Ling

Why should I?

Never bothered to check out their backgrounds, find out why it is their living is based on sexual desires?

Ling

It would be hypocritical for me to ask. It would suggest I care.

Maybe a few of them feel like they have little choice. Perhaps for some it represents their only choice.

Ling

Well, then how lucky they are to have you to take that choice away! With feminists like you, who needs chauvinism?

Ally

She's my hero. She's vicious, I disagree with almost everything she says, she treats me like dirt, and somehow she's my hero.

Richard Fish

You're not who you are, you're only what other people think you are. Fishism.

Georgia

Nelle?

Nelle

Yes, Georgia?

Georgia

It's one thing to say that. Why do we have to be the lawyers doing it?

Nelle

I just want to tie you up in court while I tie up Billy. Kidding.

Ally, every patient who comes in this office thinks they are the world's biggest loser. For the first time, I agree.