Nelle Porter quotes from Ally McBeal

Nelle Porter

Ling, one of the disadvantages of having magnetism is that you bring people out, people that otherwise would go unnoticed. The fact that she can be so annoying is really a tribute to you!

Nelle

Ling, how can it not be a little degrading, women stranding around in bathing suits ? Guys whooping?

Ling

First, the women there make nearly a hundred thousand dollars a year. How? These drunken Neanderthals hurl money at them. Go into that club. You come out with a lower opinion of men, trust me.

Nelle

That could be true, but these girls do make that money with their bodies.

Ling

They make it, by teasing men with something they'll never get their hands on. That goes to the very essence of a woman.

Nelle

Excuse me?

Ling

Sex is a weapon. We all use it, we tease, we tantalize, we withhold it, something we do in almost every walk of life, be it marriage, business. God gave us that advantage by giving men the dumb stick.

Georgia

Nelle?

Nelle

Yes, Georgia?

Georgia

It's one thing to say that. Why do we have to be the lawyers doing it?

Nelle

I just want to tie you up in court while I tie up Billy. Kidding.

John

Nelle, whatever you believe my opinion of you is, I can't see it wounding you to such depths that...My disapproval of you, it only went to your...

Nelle

Being a "rich bitch ice queen elitist cold snob." In case you're in search of the words.

Nelle

You can sit anywhere you like. Is there a required time limit thing?

For What?

Nelle

Our date.

Is this it? A trip to your office?

Nelle

I'm busy. I can talk for five minutes to make it official.

Are you serious?

Nelle

You really expect me to date a man who bids on women at auctions?

If I'm willing to date a woman who allows herself to be bought.

Nelle

That was for charity.

Yes. And you seem like a real giver.

Nelle

[Holds up a clock] Hey! What do you know? Time's up.

Guess it flies when you're having fun.

Nelle

Let's see if you can fly, Superman. I'll open a window.

Ling, uh, do you still like this guy?

Ling Woo

No! No, I- I'm with Richard now. I- I... I might... I mean, he's not Richard.

Oh, come on. Richard has the depth of an ashtray. He's got nothing to offer but money and sperm, and you know it.

Nelle Porter

You having fun with this case?

Ling Woo

It's okay. I prefer being a plaintiff, but a defendant's nice too. I get a martyr glow.

Have no fear, Nelle, that girl is a bagel!

Nelle Porter

Bagel?

[pauses] I meant to say 'toast.'

Ling Woo

Oh God they got a new singer here? I can't keep up.

Nelle Porter

You don't know who that is?

Ling Woo

Why, should I?

Nelle Porter

That's Elton John!

Ling Woo

What is he doing here?

Nelle Porter

He's getting ready to tour or something. He's trying out material.

Ling Woo

Well can we get him to turn it down?

Richard

All right. Everybody, uh, here? Uh, seats, please. I...I have an announcement.

Nelle

Oh, don't tell me. You're changing the name to Fish, McBeal and Bump.[Looks at Liza.]

Ally McBeal

Where does she come up with these things?

Nelle Porter

Well, Ling wasn't editor of law review for nothing.

Ally McBeal

Ling went to Law School? Ling is a LAWYER?