John Cage quotes from Ally McBeal

John

[about Santa Claus] A fat man, trying to squeeze through a narrow chimney, and I taunt him with Oreos and a glass of whole milk.

John

If you think back, and replay your year - if it doesn't bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.

John Cage

Remnants in toilet bowls actually traumatize me.

[To Richard Fish] You know, it's just that simple with you, isn't it? Sex sex, sex sex sex! It's waddle with Whipper versus knee pit with Ling. Boy, you put the Fish in "superficial", dammit.

John Cage

[Regarding Liza Bump] All right. Your Honor, let the record reflect she just grazed my johnson.

John Cage

[To Liza Bump] Look, you little VIXEN.

John Cage

[Referring to Liza Bump] Oh, I am going to GET her.

John

That's the trouble I suppose in coming at people with honesty, some times they counter with it.

John

I'm not going through an odd phase, I really am odd.

John

The world is no longer a romantic place. Some of its people still are however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win, Ally McBeal.

John Cage

You and I are friends, albeit we typically zig and zag in different directions. I'm concerned that uh this trial, well...

Richard Fish

What?

John Cage

I'm worried about the fallout. Like you said, Harry Wah's an enormous client, and uh how do I put this?

Richard Fish

Just say it, John.

John Cage

I'm better than you. I fear that this trial will cost us not only a major client but could uh jeopardize our friendship.

Richard Fish

Because you're better than me.

John Cage

Yes.

Richard Fish

And you think you'll beat me.

John Cage

Yes.

Richard Fish

Let me tell you something, John. You can't possibly overestimate how much you underestimate me. And if you're under the impression that you'll overwhelm me with your little stunts, understand this; I'll be all over you the minute you try. I'm not your underling in there. You have nothing over me, and under the heading of...

John Cage

Richard, there are just far too many over and under's going on here. My point is this; no one beats me in court. You won't beat me in court.

Richard Fish

She said that?

Yes!

Richard Fish

Well, so, she had a dream. That doesn't...

No, it's not the dream! She was suggesting that she and I explore being a couple. And Richard, I have to admit I've always harbored feelings for Ally.

Richard Fish

Oh, gee, there's a flash. Look, John, there ARE ethical considerations here. The only question you have to ask yourself is: Can you sleep with Ally without Nell finding out?

John

Nelle, whatever you believe my opinion of you is, I can't see it wounding you to such depths that...My disapproval of you, it only went to your...

Nelle

Being a "rich bitch ice queen elitist cold snob." In case you're in search of the words.

It's very hard to make any sense of this without - well, at least with any degree of persuasion.

Ally McBeal

Well, does it have to make sense? I mean, the best things don't. Do they?

Such as?

Ally McBeal

Love... Beauty is another - it's in the eye of the beholder. Even humor doesn't make sense, when you think about it - sense of humor? Who can explain what people find funny? I mean, to me, it's the insistence on making sense that doesn't make sense.

Have no fear, Nelle, that girl is a bagel!

Nelle Porter

Bagel?

[pauses] I meant to say 'toast.'