EdithMike, would you please pass these sandwiches around?
Archie: No, no, no. That's like asking the elephant to pass the peanuts.
Played by Jean Stapleton
All in the Family · 293 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in All in the Family: in 43 of its 293 quotes
Most scenes with: Archie Bunker (6), Mike (4), Gloria Stivic (2)
Lines by Edith Bunker 35
EdithEdithYou don't think this dress looks too revealing? I don't think I should look too sexy.
Mike: Don't worry Ma, you never do.
EdithGood morning, Louise... Heeeeere's Lionel!
Archie: Who the hell are you now, Fred McMahon?
EdithHave you got your dollar for the collection plate?
Archie: Yeah, got it right over here in my wallet. Geez, a dollar a week in that plate from now on. Comes to what? Nearly fifty bucks a year.
Edith: Archie, you said yourself you was paying back the Lord for saving your life.
Mike: Ten cents would've covered that.
EdithArchie, are you sure Abraham Lincoln signed the Declaration Of Independence?
Archie: Sure, four score and seven years ago.
Scenes with Edith Bunker 8
I need a beer here, Edith.
EdithWhat do you want, bottle or can?
We never buy bottles.
EdithThen I'll bring you a can.
Dingbat.
Did you bring these things (cashews) into the house?
EdithProbably.
Archie: What do you mean "probably?"
EdithI mean, probably I did.
But "probably you did" could also mean "probably you didn't." That's the way it is with a word like "probably"... right?
(Pause)
Edith: Probably.
S1 E5 Judging Books by Covers
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I wake up on a Saturday morning, I'm all alone. There's no note, no nothing. There's nobody here.
EdithMike was home.
Like I said, there was nobody here.
Oh Daddy, didn't they have any good weather when you were growing up?
I don't remember none.
MMike
I think they invented good weather around 1940.
EdithOh, I remember some sunny days.
That must have been before we met.
S1 E8 Lionel Moves into the Neighborhood
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(Mike, Gloria, and Edith are stuffing envelopes; Archie reads the letter being inserted)
"Queens Free Clinic. A place for the high school dropout, the teenage runaway, that will produce free food, free medical attention, free treatment for VD." VD. Do you know what that means, Edith?
EdithVD? No, wait, don't tell me. I know it's someone's initials.
Well, you ask a dingbat a question, you get a dingbat answer.
EdithI better go look at the stew. (She leaves)
Daddy, I don't what this fuss is about. They have clinics like this all over the country.
Why should them dropouts get anything free? When I was a kid, you had to be in the Army to get free shots for VD.
MMike
Don't worry, Arch. I'm sure the Army still gets their share of the action.
(Edith returns)
EdithI keep thinking it has something to do with flags and parades and things.
What did, Ma?
EdithI know, VD Day.
S1 E12 Success Story
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EdithI wonder what they say when they sneeze...
Archie: Who's that, Edith?
Edith: The Chinese. I mean, do they say "God bless you" or "Buddha bless you"?
Archie: You really wanna know, the Chinks just sneeze and say nothing. They can't speak English.
Mike: Why couldn't they say "Buddha bless you" in Chinese?
Archie: Because they don't say that, that's why. If they say anything at all, it's "Sayonara".
Mike: That's Japanese.
Archie: Same thing.
Mike: It's NOT the same thing.
Archie: You put a Jap and a Chink together, you're going to tell me which is which?
Mike: That's right, because I find out about them. I talk to them as individuals.
Archie: Sure, you'd talk to them. You'd say, "Which one of you guys is the Chink?"
MMike
I'd explain it to you, Arch, but first you'd have to move your brain ahead two centuries.
Archie: Why don't you take a short walk on a long pier?
Mike: You can't even get THAT right! It's "Why don't you take a LONG walk on a SHORT pier?
Archie: Then do THAT.
MMike
C'mon, Archie, two measly dollars. Didn't you ever bet on anything?
Archie: Yes... I bet that my daughter would marry a human being and lost!
HJHenry Jefferson
Bunker, you ain't going to get away with this. You've been cheating us for 400 years!
Archie: What are you talking about? You've only been on the block for two years.
Henry: I'm talking about how you white people come to Africa to steal us, and then when you was through stealing us, and when we went around to watch you, you stolen our whole country!
Archie: I've never even BEEN to Africa!
Henry: Neither have I, and THAT'S your fault, too!
S3 Edith's Winning Ticket
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EdithI don't think I'm going to like him looking at me with them big, sad eyes.
They aren't real eyes, Edith, them there are glass eyes.
EdithThat wasn't fair of Barney Hefner shooting a blind animal!
EdithMy mother always said, if God had intended people to smoke, He would have put chimneys on their heads.
MMike
So what are you saying? Cigar smoking is an inalienable right?
Archie: It's for the aliens, it's for the native born...
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