A character in All in the Family
2nd most-quoted character in All in the Family: in 60 of its 293 quotes
Most scenes with: Archie Bunker (9), Edith Bunker (4), Gloria Stivic (2)
The most casual acquaintances kiss today.
Edith: They do it all the time on TV. Like Merv Griffin and Johnny Carson.
Archie: Merv Griffin and Johnny Carson don't kiss each other!
Edith: That's right. They're on different channels... It's Jerry Lewis that kisses Johnny Carson.
Archie: Will you stifle yourself?
Edith: I don't know who Merv Griffin kisses.
We are talking about my wife and my best friend. And yes, I do trust them!... You see, there's your difference between your generations right there, Archie. You've been spending the last 30 years checking under every bed for a Communist and going around thinking you're better and holier than they are with your stinkin' Puritan ethic, and what have you got to show for it?
Archie: A wife who's home at ten o'clock.
Mike: Sure, and the fear and the mistrust of the whole rest of the world! Well, you can live with that fear, Archie, and you can live with that mistrust. I don't want to have any part of it, do you hear what I'm saying? I don't want any part of it!
(Mike is now on the telephone)
Mike: Szabo, what the hell are you doing with my wife?!
YOU'RE PREJUDICED! YOU'RE PREJUDICED! YOU'RE PREJUDICED!
Oh, I've decided it's too tough for me, Gloria. I'm going to quit college and get a job.
Gloria: Oh Michael, don't be childish.
Archie: Let him be childish!
You know, it never occurred to me before. Mickey Mouse is black.
Archie: Aw, get outta here. Mickey Mouse ain't got no race. He stands for all men.
Mike: That's why Walt (Disney) made him a mouse.
(to Gloria) Will you stay out of this, please?
Archie: Hold it! She's making sense. And a husband ought to listen to his wife.
Edith: Archie—
Archie: Dry up!
What's the difference between our neighbor Lionel Jefferson and Sammy Davis Jr.?
Archie: Ten million dollars and five purple Cadillacs!
(turning off TV) C'mon, I'll turn it on as soon as soon as you give me the first few lines of the National Anthem!
Archie: Oh say, can you see by the dawn's early light... what so proudly we hail, of thee I sing.
Would you stand up and cheer if it was me at the door?
Archie: Well that depends, Meathead, on whether you was coming in or going out.
Drivers don't mean to kill people.
Archie: Oh no? You ain't driven a cab yet, bud.
I'm tired. I had a rough day.
Archie: Yeah, what'd you do? Bend your library card?
Mike: You could never do what I did today.
Archie: Yeah? What was you doing?
Mike: Thinking.
Actually, your father is on his best behavior tonight. He only called me an "unbeautiful thing". Could've called me an "unbeautiful Polack".
Archie: The night is young, meathead.
It's very simple, Mrs. Bunker. I'm an Agnostic.
Edith: Ohhh... You mean you want a Rabbi?
Archie: It's worse than that, Edith! I think it means he can't have kids!
(to Archie) Whether you like it or not, people do make love every now and then.
Edith: More then than now.
Doubleheader today, huh, Arch?
Archie: What do you mean by that?
Mike: You're going to cheat the insurance company and Ma.
Archie BunkerCarroll O'Connor · 123 quotes
Edith BunkerJean Stapleton · 43 quotes
Gloria StivicSally Struthers · 21 quotes
George JeffersonSherman Hemsley · 7 quotes
Lionel JeffersonMike Evans · 5 quotes
Louise JeffersonIsabelle Sanford · 5 quotes
MaudeBea Arthur · 4 quotes
HHenry3 quotes
PaulGregory Sierra · 3 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's All in the Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
All in the Family · 293 quotes