Gloria Stivic quotes from All in the Family

Gloria

Ma, anything interesting happen to you today?

Edith: Actually, something interesting did happen today. Oh no, that was yesterday.

Gloria

How come you married Daddy instead of (Freddie Witthauser)?

Edith: Well, I liked being called a "Goddess of Beauty", but somehow it seemed more permanent when your father called me a dingbat.

Gloria

If Michael gets arrested, they'll book him and fingerprint him, and it'll be on his record. And then when he goes to look for a job—

Archie: When? When? When?

Gloria

Ma, have you been more forgetful lately?

Edith: Forgetful? I don't know, let me think.

Gloria: Ma?

Edith: Gloria, what did you just ask me?

Gloria

Nowadays, with simple hormone treatment, there are no unpleasant manifestations.

Edith: Well, my Aunt Elizabeth went through this, and she didn't get manifestations... she got a mustache!

Gloria

We have some more talking to do.

Mike: More talking? Gloria, it's 5:30 in the morning. You've said everything there is to say... twice.

Gloria: You miserable creep.

Mike: You said that three times.

Gloria

I'm sorry Mr. Davis. Sometimes my father says the wrong things.

Sammy: Yes, I've noticed that.

Lionel: But he's not a bad guy. I mean, he'd never burn a cross on your lawn.

Sammy: Yeah, but if he saw one burning he's liable to toast a marshmallow on it!

Gloria

Your Honor, as the bailiff's wife, I object to this kind of language.

Mike: That's right, and I suggest that Mr. Bunker be held in contempt of court!

Archie: Until you start paying rent around here, you're in contempt of house!

Gloria

Did you know that 65% of the people murdered in this country were killed by handguns?

Archie: Would it make you feel any better, little girl, if they was pushed out of windows?

Gloria

Was your father strict with you, I mean, on who you went out with?

Edith: Oh, yeah. The boy had to be kind, and thoughtful, and a gentleman.

Mike: How did Archie ever pass that test?

Edith: Well, Dad died a year before I met Archie.

Gloria

Mr. and Mrs. Rempley. Have I ever met them?

Edith: No. Neither have I.

Gloria

(to Mike, about his appendix) If it's gotta go, it's gotta go. Why hang on to something that's useless?

Archie: That's what I've been asking you ever since you married him.

Gloria

Michael, that's our money. We each contribute in our own way.

Archie: That's right. You contribute deposits, he contributes withdrawls.

Gloria

Ma, are you in some kind of trouble?

Edith: No, and I can't tell you what it is!