“The Boy Next Door” quotes from ALF

It's a movie. 2 words.

The jerk.

The birds.

You got it, Bri!

No fair! You were giving him hand signals to help him guess.

ALF, that's how you play charades.

Oh. Well, let me try! Alright, uh-

It's a movie.

It's about you.

The Brother from Another Planet?

Brian

Hair!

No, no, you're all wrong, it's The Man Who Would Be King.

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[Trevor and Raquel come to the Tanners house to introduce Jake]

Hi Willie, hi Kate.

Hi guys.

And other residents of the Tanner manor.

Hi, Trevor, Raquel. And who might this be?

This is Jake, my brother cyril's kid. These are the Tanners.

How do you do?

Hi, Jake.

Hi.

Hi Jake.

Yeah.

[laughs] Jake just flew in from New York. He's staying with us while his father is away.

Oh, how long will that be?

5 years.

Unless he gets time off for good behavior.

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Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake--

We're saving it for Jake.

Okay. [pause] He's not coming. Let's eat.

He'll be here, ALF.

The kid's probably going up the river as we speak. They'll put him in solitary, feed him bread and water, topped by a delicious piece of chocolate- [Kate moves the cake] cake.

Jake may have some problems, but he's not going to be sent to prison.

Tell that to my cousin, Pretty Boy Shumway. He lived on the south side of Melmac. The baddest part of the planet. If he didn't like your shoes. [points at Willie, imitating machine gun sound] "ak-ak-ak-ak-ak."

You mean he'd shoot a person just because he didn't like his shoes?

No. He'd just point at you and go, "Ak-ak-ak-ak-ak."

[comes in] Mr. Ochmonek called and said Jake won't come over.

I didn't hear the phone.

He just hollered through my window.

Alright! Let's eat.

Would you like some cake?

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[ALF and Jake get ready to meet each other]

Get away from me! Just stay away from me!

Wait! You can't leave. They'll think I broke the telescope.

Okay, I'll fix it. Just don't bite me.

Bite you? That's a good idea. I'll bite you, if you don't fix this. [snaps jaws]

Alright! Just don't tell my aunt and uncle I was taking it.

On 1 condition. You fix this telescope, and don't tell anyone about me.

That's 2 conditions. [ALF growls] Alright! You've got a deal. What are you, anyway?

I'm an alien from the planet Melmac. I have powers that you can only dream about.

Like what?

[thinks for a moment] I can watch television for 10 hours straight and not get up to go the bathroom.

You're the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

You should see me with my hair wet.

Do the Tanners know about you?

Yeah, they know all about me. Well, they don't know that I've had liposuction. Where'd you learn to fix telescopes? Cal tech?

No, my dad taught me. We used to find things in the trash and fix them. My dad could fix anything, especially horse races.

Wild guess. That's why he's in jail?

Yeah. Well, I'm done.

Wow! You're good! And fast!

It's no big deal.

No big deal? On Melmac, we only had one guy who knew how to fix things. They put him on display in a zoo, but the cage door was broken, so he walked away.

Good story. Is it okay if I go now?

Yeah, but remember our deal. You can't tell anyone about me.

Hey, don't worry. I live by the Ochmonek code. We don't squeal or tip.

The name's ALF.

Jake. [leaves] Bye.

Bye.

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[opens the window and finds ALF from outside] What are you doing here?

I bought over a few things for you to fix. [handing Jake some stuff for him to fix] Here's a tape recorder's got fur stuck in it. I don't know how that happen.

What happened to this?

I tried to puree a rock. It didn't work.

Raquel

[offscreen] Jake? Are you talking to someone?

No, it's just the TV.

Welcome to Monday Night Football.

It's Saturday!

Live from New York, it's Saturday-

I'm shutting it off.

Click! Can you fix all this stuff?

My motto is if I can't fix it, it ain't broken.

My motto is I broke it.

My dad's motto is I broke into it.