How many times do you want to do this, Marceline? Our lives are magnetised. [Marceline morphs further and charges at him] We're in a negative loop. But we can change our outcome this time!
I like the outcome where you get staked!
And you become a vampire?
Rrrrh... [morphs back to normal with her head being held]
Marceline... [she starts punching his arm] I know I was ruthless in the past, but tell me. What's the one thing you've noticed about the world since you beat me all those hundreds of years ago?
Everything repeats over and over again. No-one learns anything, because no-one lives long enough to see the pattern, I guess.
But you've lived long enough.
And you still think this is the right way, fighting me?
The other way's like a black hole. An unknown.
So let's consult a witch.
[she immediately punches his face, sending him flying into a large thick cloud. She gets a spare stake from her left boot]
[as she flies over, the thick clouds part away to see a vocalising Vampire King in a cloud pool and shreds his suit]
I'm not afraid of the unknown! [pounding his chest] I have the power to change destiny! [shoots a twirling column of water high in the sky, thunder crashes] Queen of vampires! You weigh the scales of fate! Spill my guts or face the unknown! Either way, I will not bite! For turning you would subjugate me to the wheel of fortune, and I am a king, not a hamster. My path runs straight into the void on a sick flaming chariot! [bursts column and rains on Finn, Jake and Bubblegum]
FJFinn/Jake/Bubblegum
Whoa...
Stake me! I will not hide! [shreds his pants, thunder crashes] Do it, chicken! You make me sick! [drops down and squirms in his cloud pool]
Okay, dag! We'll take your stupid thing out!
Your dang vamp juice! Come on!
[LSP sees Jake seated on a cliff edge in front of a sunset, floats over and shouts at him]
Excuse me!! Are you not aware that we are all working our steamy butts off down there so we don't get wiped out by this crazy sky nightmare?!
JakeWhoa, whoa! Hold up! I'm working on something up here. It's—
I SEE NOTHING!! YOU'RE WORKING ON NOTHING!!
Jake
Look, LSP, can we just take a moment to appreciate this... moment? Look at this crazy sweet sunset. [sees a cloud swirling in the sunset] When's the next time you're gonna see a sunset like this? Or any sunset, really? [wipes a tear leak off his eyes] Who knows how long we'll be down there? [an eagle lands on Jake's hand along with some critters and birds before LSP gets impatient and loses it]
BWAAAHHHH!!! I obviously love sunsets and cute animals, but we don't have time for this right now!!
Jake
But I—
You know what? [inhales sharply] I just can't with you right now. [turns back away from Jake]
Jake
Can't what? [the eagle lands back on his head, screeches]
Jake
Guys, I think this storm is more than just some scary clouds and weather junk. We've been treating each other like ding-dongs since we've been down here.
Duh! This bunker is the worst!
Jake
Nah, nah. I think this storm's carrying some major negative energy or something.
Jake
It's making us all go nanners! I think I can help, though. Let me show you what I've been working on.
[he clears his throat, takes a deep breath and starts whistling as birds chirping. Finn, LSP and BMO stare at Jake for a beat. He then mimics water and frog sounds; he takes a deep breath and makes forest sounds. BMO is moved and wipes off his tear]
Thanks for responding to my call, guys. I'm in a serious pickle, and I mean the bad kind—I mean like, a really smelly brown pickle?
Jake
Don't sweat it, boi! Finn and I got your back.
Who's bullying you, Prismo?
Nobody's bullying me. Look, um... remember when you wished the Lich never existed and you created a new wish reality that ended up totally not working out?
BBoth
No. / Vaguely, yes.
Jake
You don't remember making that wish?
Jake
I thought I explained to you that one time.
Dude, I'll catch you up. Look. [turns on TV wall to see alternate Finn and Jake playing the flute and howling, respectively] After you wished the Lich never existed, you got zapped to an alternate wish reality where magic doesn't really exist.
Wait! [pause video] Who's that dude?
That's you, but sort of less cool.
So, you find an old Marceline and the magic crown on the body of Ice King's skeleton, who was smushed under the weight of a frozen mutagenic bomb. But then, the Destiny Gang steal your family donkey, so you used the crown to become Ice Finn and save your donkey and your family. But... the crown makes you crazy and you ice everything up like a dumb bozo, which sets off the mutagenic bomb and releases the spirit of the Lich anyway. But then, this reality's Jake made a counter which would supposedly fix the problem, but as it turns out, it didn't really.
Can I just say that I don't remember any of this stuff?
Because, technically, it didn't happen to you. But also, it still happened and that wish reality continues to exist.
[beat] Is this why all of a sudden one day I was way better at the flute?
Jake
Oh yeah, I noticed that.
Listen! Something really bad is about to go down. [summons projection] Ice Finn is using his world's Enchiridion to build a portal to the multiverse. We literally do not know what will happen if he succeeds, but it could defs be catastrophic to the architecture of these realities. Now, if that happens, my boss—let me repeat that—my boss will hold me responsible. And by proxy, y'all both will be in the dip, too.
Why not just bloop-bloop it all better?
Something there is dampening my powers! I am losing my picks over this biz!!
Jake
[to Finn] His boss? Who's that?
Alright, man. What do we do? [Prismo summons a case to him]
Take this and use it to take care of the Ice Finn.
Oh. Wait, what do you mean by "take care of—"?
Good luck, guys! We're all depending on you!
[Jake comes inside the dead hermit's yurt]
I know it's you. [see hermit-eyes Finn in his giant, deep-red monstrous form staring the opposite wall]
Jake
Hey, buddy. I've figured you'd come back here.
Don't look at me, Jake. I might turn you into a microwave.
Jake
Baloney! [walks to him] You turned NEPTR into a microwave because he's a microwave, but that doesn't mean that's all he is to you. I know you think NEPTR's an interesting person, and I know that microwave is just one part of his personality! I mean... Maybe your eyes are just bad at describing things, you know? Like, how you feel about people, what they mean to you. That stuff's in your guts. Eyes can't grok that. Unless you have the eyes of like, a trained artist or something. But you don't. I'm telling you, man. You're not a bad dude like the skeleton bro, or you'd be turning everyone into rats and plops!
[Finn takes up a deep gasping sigh]
Jake
Now, come on. Look at me. [he turns Finn around to him face to face]
Jake, you're so wise. [Jake's college bro form then suddenly shrinks down to a much older form with a cane]
Jake
What?! Deh— [groans] Well, at least you listened to me. And wise old Jakey got a plan!
[Finn, Jake and Lady Rainicorn come across a giant humming sentient pit]
It's a face hole! This is where the song's coming from. [the pit blows them away] Oh, nice pipes.
HHole
[speaks] "Wait, can you hear me?"
I've been hearing you like, all day. You're a lovely singer.
HHole
[laughs] "Really? No one's ever said that. Shut up!"
HHole
"Well, I've had a lot of practice. Thousand years, give or take."
HHole
"Yeah. I've been here singing from the very beginning of Ooo. Since I can't move from this spot, singing is my only outlet. I can neither participate, enjoy nor prevent disaster. So I sing."
Jake
Is this like one of those patterns that's supposed to have a 3D image in it, and everyone can see it except you?
Well, why can't they hear you?
HHole
"Only two kinds of people can hear my song—those who see the world with pure childlike wonder, and those with a deep sense of loss in their hearts. To everyone else, I'm just a period in a sentence in the book of Ooo."
I don't know about child eyes, but I have been going through a rough patch. It sounds like you have, too.
HHole
"Yeah, I guess so."
Jake
[on the sea as a boat] Finn, I wanna turn back.
Jake
An annoying dragon wrecked our boat, I got poisoned by jellyfish and saw our dead parents. I don't see things de-escalating.
It's just a small bump. A-a bunch of small bumps.
Jake
No dumb island can be worth the risk!
Maybe not. But I can't turn back.
This trip means a lot to you, huh?
Jake
Yeah, but why? Do you wanna find some humans and ditch us?
No! It's just... uh... [covers his mouth, starts crying] Okay... look... I'm really happy in Ooo. I love our mom and dad. But I don't know squat about humans. If I don't see this through, part of me will always be stuck to that boom boom leaf where Mom found me... still alone.
[Finn and Alva ride on the giant bear to see Jake fighting a giant crab on the shore]
Jake
Oh, hey, buddy! Man, am I glad to see you. Hold on a second. [kicks giant crab away, turns to Finn, Alva and the giant bear] Man, this place sucks. I got attacked by nineteen giant crabs in just the last 30 seconds!
Yeah, man. I almost got eaten by this—
Jake
Hey, that's awesome! Now let's get the heck outta here. Are they coming, too? I'm not sharing my rations.
What? No, this is Alva. I... I-I think she's human. [starts drawing down his notebook] Alva, have you seen my friends? BMO... and Susan?
[he shows his crude illustrations of BMO and Susan to Alva; she slowly shakes her head]
Jake
Oh, stuff, man. That's the slow shake. That's the universal death gesture!
AAlva
Nej, nej! [as she speaks in Swedish, she begins drawing wave lines, a shape and a compass. She waves her arm and draws three more that are shaped like islands]
Oh! Shoot, man, more islands. BMO and Susan must've washed all up on one of all up of them.
Jake
Well, it looks like there's only three more. This shouldn't be too hard. [long pause] Right?
[Finn rides on Jake as they walk along a pinker, radically different version of Ooo]
Does everything seem... pinker to you?
Jake
Home always looks different after a long trip. You're seeing it with fresh eyes and newfound wisdom. And sometimes there's also a new strip mall or something. So everything being pink is probably not a big deal, and also, I'm tired. [BMO comes out of Finn's backpack]
I like the pink. Why you worry so much, worry baby?
Jake
Ha, ha, yeah! Why you worry so much, worry baby?
Don't worry, Finn. We're only teasing you because you're a baby.
Jake
[giving Finn a haircut] Mr. Mertens, I know I'm just a humble scissors jockey, but you've been coming in my shop for almost 20 years. I can tell when you got something on your mind. [Finn sighs, Jake combs and cuts his hair]
I think... I think what's bugging me is... [zoom in on Jake]
Jake
[thinking out loud] "The haircut therapy is working!"
..All this elemental stuff happened because I acted selfishly.
Jake
Oh, yeah?
It's like I'm employee of the month at an ice cream store, and I get someone to cover my shift, and when I come back, the place is burned to the ground and everyone I love is doomed. And now we're up here and we can't do anything to help. Did I secretly want that to happen? Like, deep down inside, was I afraid Fern would be better than me? And my lizard brain put out bad vibes? I guess the worst part of all is... [Jake removes suit off Finn]
Jake
All right, you're all done, Mr. Mertens. How's it look?
Jake! I was talking about important stuff!
Jake
Sorry, I always get caught up in the haircut.
[Jake is dealing with his new appearance (being blue and big with five eyes) with Lady Rainicorn and Dirt Beer Guy]
Jake
I think I'm handling these minor changes pretty well. Besides, a lot of people are different these days. [Lady nods] Dirt Beer Guy, you're practically a zombie. How are you dealing with it?
DBDirt Beer Guy
Well, I'm basically the same as before. The difference is always physical.
Jake
So you agree Finn is really overreacting?
DBDirt Beer Guy
Totally. You're the same person as before.
Jake
Heck yeah! I'm still the same old Jake on the inside!
DBDirt Beer Guy
[realizes] Wait, you're Jake?! Uh, pardon me. [walks away from Jake and Lady] Oh dear, oh dear, that's really something. [Jake turns to Lady]
Jake
You know, I think I figured out why I make people uneasy. They're used to yellow Jake.
Adventure Time · 447 quotes
