A father only has a few chances to put the fear of God into their daughter's boyfriend. This is one of them.
S1Two Boys for Every Girl
Why don't you just lock me in my room?
Because your mother won't let me.
S1Give It Up
(to Bridget) Where's your mother?
(thinking Paul's talking to him) At home.
No, I mean her mother.
My grandmother?
(slowly) No, Bridget's mother.
(slowly) How should I know?
One more smart remark like that and there will be a consequence.
My life is a consequence.
You know honey, that would have more impact if you didn't say it every day.
You know I think this family should go to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Sarasota. We'd hang out in the sun. It will be relaxing. We'll go swimming and I don't have to cook.
Cate, your parents don't like me.
I know that, honey and I weighed that, but I still have to go with don't have to cook.
S1Paul Meets His Match
You be nice to your dad today, he's got a lot going on at work.
Dad's the problem. He won't even let our boyfriends come over for Thanksgiving dinner!
Yeah, and like Dad's always telling us to feed the homeless. We don't even know them!
(While Paul's talking on his cell to Cate)
No, Cate, he never showed. Some newspaper editor can't even make a deadline. I waited 45 minutes for the big jerk!
NNick
Paul Hennessey? Nick Sharp, Big Jerk.
(whispers to Cate) Don't call him that, honey.
(To Paul) Kyle can't even hold my hand without you thinking he's some kind of sex maniac.
And God forbid Jason put his arm around me. It's like he's already got me pregnant and dropping out of school!
And that'll never happen!
Thank you!
Kerry's so smart, she could graduate high school even if she had two babies!
Oh God I am a..a...
Say it.
Psycho dad.
Cool! Say it again.
S1All I Want for Christmas
(trying to get people to adopt a dog) Make it a real Christmas. Take home a homeless animal...(scoffs at the person walking away) Idiot.
This isn't the home of the Big Boy.
You know, in a way it is.
(While at the mall)
Would you keep up?
I don't want anyone thinking we're together!
Oh, God forbid they'll think we're a family. Come on! Kerry's not gonna be with us on Christmas Eve, fine, we'll go be with her.
Okay fine, I'll keep it three steps behind you, only because it's Christmas!
We're going to hear your mother sing a solo.
Oh.
Oh what, honey?
Well I just realized I'm going to be singing in front of you guys and what if I screw up? I don't want to screw up in front of you.
Oh, babe, you won't even notice us. There are going to be a couple hundred people in the church.
Oh.
Don't look at it like you're singing for a church full of people. You're singing for God.
Oh. You guys can't come.
S1Rory's Got a Girlfriend
Rory (about his date): I don't want to tell Dad cause he'll go "Awwwwwww"
BKBridget and Kerry
Awwwwwwwwwww.
Rory's going on a date, Bridget's smarter. (slaps herself) Wake up, wake up, wake up.
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