Where's Dr. Albright?
Well, we're not sure, but we think she's having sex with Dick in an unknown location.
Oh my God, what is she thinking?
What's she thinking? What is he thinking?
Okay, can we just agree they're both freaks?
Yeah!
S3Stuck with Dick
S3My Daddy's Little Girl
GAGeorge Albright
[entering Mary's office] Mary.
Daddy!
GAGeorge Albright
Hey there, magpie.
What a nice surprise.
GAGeorge Albright
Well, not really... I've left your mother.
Again?
Just a couple of rules: don't curse and don't spill nothing and if you spill something, don't curse.
S3The Physics of Being Dick
How about a new strategy? What about "sad cop, slightly effeminate cop?"
And what makes that cop's gun so cool? PHYSICS! Kinetic energy generates the velocity with which the bullet exits the barrel, while the ballistics coefficient and sectional density determine the damage to its targets! Guns don't kill people, PHYSICS kills people!
S3Just Your Average Dick
It says here the average American uses 4.1 pounds of butter a year.
Orally?
I'm part of a community--a community that embraces wholesome, American values. And if you cross us... we will destroy you.
S3Dick and the Other Guy
This is the best thing I have ever put in my mouth!
Once again I come in second.
Dr. Neesam, I find you to be pompous, judgmental and completely self-absorbed. Would you be my friend?
[pause]
LLiam
We'll see.
LLiam
Your head is like a cookie. I just want to eat it.
S3Sally and Don's First Kiss
So you're going to let this woman control your life?
No, just the lunch part. [a beat] My favorite part.
S3The Tooth Harry
[to Nina] Don't worry, Nina. I won't let anyone else hurt you.
DDentist
Don't forget about your appointment on Friday, Nina.
Until Friday.
[Harry left twenty dollars under Nina's pillow as payment from the Tooth Fairy for the four wisdom teeth she lost. Just as they're about to have sex, Nina finds the money.]
What's this?
Oh, you weren't supposed to find that 'till tomorrow morning.
You left me twenty bucks?
Well, yeah, that's the going rate, isn't it?
Going rate?!
Yeah, five bucks a pop; that seems pretty reasonable to me.
S3Eat, Drink, Dick, Mary
[the Solomons confront Tommy about his cooking skills]
I can't believe it! You can cook!
You
No, no, I can't cook! I swear!
Well, then how do you explain this? (indicates oregano and rosemary on the table)
This, uh...is marijuana!
This whole time we've been eating her slop, and you're a damn gourmet!!
No, no, it's pot! I swear! I smoke it with my friends. I like to... toke up on the..fat daddies...uh...dude...
Ugh, I blame myself. How could I have missed all the signs? I mean, just last month I was doing laundry and I found a measuring spoon in his pants.
I was as blind as you, Sally. At the mall, he said he was going to the comic book store, but I saw him coming out of the Williams and Sonoma!
(picks up vial of white powder) Oh, Tommy! (opens, tastes what's inside) it's confectioner's sugar!
Confectioner's sugar? So you've been baking, too?! (hugs Sally) Look what your selfishness has done to Sally! Get out of my sight!
(starts to leave)
Oh, but first, make me a spinach and fennel frittata.
(nods) Yeah, me too.
RRandy
I think you're Harry.
Well, I think you're hairy!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 3rd Rock from the Sun pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.