Tommy Solomon quotes from 3rd Rock from the Sun

What's to understand? Kill her and get a new one.

Oh, no, you can't do that. You've got to get a new one and then you kill her.

S2 I Brake for Dick

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Tommy

Sally, they want you to appear on Good Afternoon, Rutherford.

That's my second-favorite show!

What's your first-favorite?

Good Morning, Rutherford.

S2 Fifteen Minutes of Dick

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[Sally and Harry run into the police station.]

Don! Where's Tommy?

Officer Don

Oh, you're too late.

[Harry screams. Sally grabs Don by the throat.]

You killed Tommy?!

Officer Don

No, I let him go!

You let Tommy go to his death?

[Harry screams again. Tommy suddenly appears right behind him.]

Tommy

Hey, Harry.

[Harry turns around and shouts again at the sight of Tommy.]

S3 Fun with Dick and Janet: Part 2

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Women.

Tommy

Women.

Officer Don

Women.

[high-pitched voice] Women!

You can't live with 'em and you can't have heterosexual sex without 'em.

That's probably true.

S3 Tricky Dick

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I want to make a good impression on Mary's parents.

Mary Albright‘s parents?

Tommy

They're still alive?:

My God, they must be so old!

S3 Dick-In-Law

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[Sally is talking to her plant]

You hungry? Oh, I know you--you wouldn't say anything if you were.

[she pours some of her Coke into the pot]

You're so nice. You're not at all arrogant or demanding like most people I know.

Tommy

You must be bored out of your mind.

Actually, I'm not.

Tommy

I was talking to the plant.

S3 Moby Dick

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Tommy

This ice cream is delicious.

[looking at the box] Actually, it's ‘sinfully delicious.' I would gladly go to Hell for a pint of this.

S3 Seven Deadly Clips

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Mary

Most people dismiss non-literate cultures.

Tommy

Well, we live in one.

S3 Tom, Dick and Mary

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Don't listen to him, he's just a kid.

SSalesman

Oh, don't worry. I used to be a kid myself... a long time ago. [laughs] Say there, sport, you like girls?

Tommy

Yeah. Sorry.

S3 Auto Erodicka

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Nina

Where's Dr. Albright?

Tommy

Well, we're not sure, but we think she's having sex with Dick in an unknown location.

Nina

Oh my God, what is she thinking?

Tommy

What's she thinking? What is he thinking?

Nina

Okay, can we just agree they're both freaks?

Tommy

Yeah!

S3 Stuck with Dick

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It says here the average American uses 4.1 pounds of butter a year.

Tommy

Orally?

S3 Just Your Average Dick

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[the Solomons confront Tommy about his cooking skills]

I can't believe it! You can cook!

You

Tommy

No, no, I can't cook! I swear!

Well, then how do you explain this? (indicates oregano and rosemary on the table)

Tommy

This, uh...is marijuana!

This whole time we've been eating her slop, and you're a damn gourmet!!

Tommy

No, no, it's pot! I swear! I smoke it with my friends. I like to... toke up on the..fat daddies...uh...dude...

Ugh, I blame myself. How could I have missed all the signs? I mean, just last month I was doing laundry and I found a measuring spoon in his pants.

I was as blind as you, Sally. At the mall, he said he was going to the comic book store, but I saw him coming out of the Williams and Sonoma!

(picks up vial of white powder) Oh, Tommy! (opens, tastes what's inside) it's confectioner's sugar!

Confectioner's sugar? So you've been baking, too?! (hugs Sally) Look what your selfishness has done to Sally! Get out of my sight!

Tommy

(starts to leave)

Oh, but first, make me a spinach and fennel frittata.

(nods) Yeah, me too.

S3 Eat, Drink, Dick, Mary

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Tommy

I gotta say I feel liberated,not having to sneak around all the time,its just so nice being able to wear my apron out in the open[Audience laugh]

why breakfast was great I've never had a spinach frittttttaaaaaa.

[Harry starts shaking and puts his hands out in front of him in the kitchen in front of tommy and sally who have just came back from grocery shopping after becoming fully aware that tommy can actually cook,and cook well]

IIIIIIIncoming message from the big giant head!!

ooooooh my god Dick get in here!!

[Running through from the living room]:What is it!?

[Harry still with his hands stretched out]

Our records indicate that your status report is 22 days late,please submit your finished report to the big giant head's personal assistant,big giant jenny![audience laughs]

I hate that bitch![audience laugh again]

Tramission ending in 3..2..1[Harry sneezes]:oooh whats going on!?

Tommy

Dick didnt finish the status report!

S3 Eat, Drink, Dick, Mary

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[filling out tax forms]