Count Dracula quotes from Young Dracula

Ingrid

But the whole country's crawling with slayers! What if they catch me?

Count

Then I'll lend them a stake!

Ingrid

They'll want to take me alive. They know I'm the Chosen One's sister and then they'll use me to find all of you.

Count

You wouldn't say a thing! ... (pause, then more nervously) ... would you?

Ingrid

Daddy, I'll draw them a map.

Renfield

I could dress up as Vlad!

Count Dracula

That is the worst idea I've heard in 400 years.

Renfield

We could make a life-sized puppet of Vlad!

Count Dracula

That is the worst idea I've heard in 600 years. (Pause) It just might work.

Count

Go with her.

Bertrand

(haughtily) What, the half-fang?

Count

This is no time to be snobbish!

Count

(Believing Evil Vlad has done it) He's pinned him to the wall that is genius, that is genius!

Ingrid

Thank you!

Count

You? How dare you humiliate Renfield; that's my job.

The Count

I am your man through and through. (puts his fist slightly in the air) Team Vlad!

Ingrid

Yay!

The Count

(less enthusiastically) Yay...

Vlad

Can we please try to get on as a family for the next say... one hundred years?

Count

With me as the Head, obviously.

Ingrid

(To Vlad) I thought you said we'd share the power?

Vlad

Actually, what I said was I'd give you the status you deserve.

Count

That'll be equal to a swamp rat, then!

Vlad

(To Ingrid) Which'll give you top position as my number two.

Count

No, she can't be your number two, you're my number two; that makes her number three.

Ingrid

No way am I number three!

Vlad

(resignedly) Ohhh, this is gonna be a long hundred years...

Vlad? No biting?

Vlad

No slaying?

Count

No fun!

Count

Do you know what the V stands for?

Malik

Vampire?

Count

Veni... Vedi... Voro... I came, I saw, I consumed!

Vlad

(To Ingrid and Bertrand) You find a candidate and we'll put them to the test.

Count

Excellent idea. They can undertake the trial of Grin Apnoire. Three nights in the caves of Carthusia, where they'll face their biggest fear and from where only one... can return.

Vlad

Or, alternatively, we could do a quiz!

Bertrand

Vlad ordered me to bring the murderer to justice.

Count

This murder was a classic. It would've needed a brilliant mind and a dark soul. It was a work of art, meticulously planned, ambitious, imaginative.

Bertrand

Way beyond the limited capabilities of Renfield.

Bertrand

Stop the ceremony! I have a just cause or impediment!

Count

No, no, no, I skipped that bit.

Bertrand

Well, go back!

Count

Nobody threatens my Vladdy. (winces with pain) Ah!

Vlad

(impressed) Go, Dad!

Vlad

I'm not leaving Erin like this.

Count

Like what?

Renfield

She's hovering between life and death.

Count

Oh. I thought she seemed duller than usual.

Count

What would you like, Vladdy?

Renfield

Roast neck of a Breather? Crispy fingers with a puss dip to start...

Vlad

Pizza?

Renfield

Pizza.

Vlad

(Surprised) Pizza!

Count

It's what you wanted, isn't it?

Vlad

Yeah! But... you never give me what I want.

Count

Ah, all that's changed. Now you've proven yourself, what Vladdy wants, Vladdy will get.

Ingrid

Oh, please.

Ingrid

But he's only bitten one person! It's hardly carnage!

Count

That will soon follow. It's inevitable, now he's... tasted the nectar.

Vlad

I don't drink blood.

Count

Are you insane?