Vlad quotes from Young Dracula

Chloe

[to Vlad] I don't understand. Shouldn't you be in Transylvania?

Robin

Close encounter with an angry peasant mob.

Vlad

We've come here to keep a low profile.

Chloe

Really? Well try and not bring your cape into school next time.

Vlad

Wow, I never realized doing homework could be so much fun.

Robin

You're kidding?! I'd rather have my tongue pulled out.

Vlad

You did what?!

Ingrid

Don't you want to see her?

Vlad

Sorry, which mum are we walking about? Coz I'm thinking about the backstabbing witch from Hell one!

Robin

Cool! At least she sounds like a proper vampire. I mean, you two haven't got a fang between you.

Vlad

Dad, you promised to be careful. Do I need to spell it out for you? M-O-B.

Count Dracula

I am Count Dracula, not spell Dracula.

Ingrid

M-O-B spells angry peasant mob howling for your dust.

Count Dracula

I know that, but I'm bored.

Robin

So I'm not a vampire after all? But I was so sure.

Vlad

I know. You were selfish. You betrayed your friends, you were totally inhuman.

Robin

[smiling] You mean...

Vlad

Just because you aren't a vampire doesn't mean you can't be evil.

Robin

Thanks, Vlad. You're my best mate, you know that don't you?

Vlad

Robin, I'm your only mate.

Robin

Exactly.

Chloe

What've you done to me?!

Congratulations, Master Vlad! Your first bite.

Vlad

NO! What am I gonna do?!

Chloe

Excuse me! I'm the victim here! What happens to me now?!

Welcome to the family, Mistress Chloe!

Vlad

I can't believe Dad only came to Parents' Evening to get his revenge on Mr. Van Helsing!

Ingrid

Stop whinging! At least he didn't find out he was a slayer.

Vlad

I suppose I've just gotta accept it; our family's not normal.

Ingrid

Who'd want to be normal? I mean, look at him.

Robin

Checkmate! Who's the loser! Who's the loser! Go loser! Go loser! Go loser!

Vlad

[to Ingrid] Fair point.

Vlad

If they knew what my life was like here...

Robin

They'd kill you?

Vlad

Well... no. They'd send me back to Transylvania. To a vampire boarding school. No friends, no family, no daylight ever again. I'd spend the rest of eternity lurking around in the shadows. Can you imagine anything worse?

Robin

[Awed] Wicked!

Vlad

I wish Dad would shut the crypt door when he's punishing Renfield. You can hear the screams all over the castle.

Vlad

You put the cockroaches in the study! You cunning, devious... I'm impressed.

Ingrid

Needs must. There was no way I was having a Breather for a stepmother.

Vlad

Bit rough on Renfield though... getting all the blame.

Ingrid

Yeah.

Count

My noble son has finally brought glory to the family name.

Ingrid

Except he didn't use deceit... or break a single rule...

Vlad

Ingrid!

Ingrid

Or cheat!

Count

[shocked] Vladimir, is this true?

Vlad

Fighting doesn't prove anything!

Count Dracula

Of course it does, it proves who's best at fighting!

Vlad

Halloween affects Dad like a lit match in a fireworks factory.

Even a sausage through the heart wouldn't subdue him.

Chloe

You mean a stake.

Oh, yes. You see the Count has banned me from using that word. That word and "bun fight".

Chloe

Sun light.

Mmm-hmm. "Bun fight" and "sausage".

Vlad

You wanted to see me?

Count

Ah, Vladimir. I fear that you're not trying your best to pass this Blood Test. And I know that no son and heir of mine would fail something so straight forward, and if they did, well... they wouldn't be my son and heir for very long.

Vlad

[disbelievingly] Are you saying you'd disown me... if I fail the test?!

Count

No, of course not. I'd just deny all knowledge of your existence.

Count

What a night I've had! Stop what you're doing and prepare to be amazed!

Vlad

What... you got a job as a magician?

Renfield

Oh, if you need an attractive assistant I look absolutely stunning in sequins.

Count

No, you idiots! I've been out hunting!

Vlad

You're leaving?

Count

But you said you loved me.

You were dying... I was trying to be nice.