You Can't Do That on Television · Season 6
Oh, Lisa?
Yes, Moosie?
How did you learn to act? Did you take acting lessons, or did you just kind of watch other actors?
I guess I learned by watching other actors.
That's what I thought. You know what they say, "Monkey see, monkey do."
Wild Wild Kingdom will not be seen at this time. In its place we present a program in which people act like animals.
[In an Opposite sketch, everyone but Lisa has been replaced by an animal.]
Just a second! Now how come everyone else is an animal except me?
Well, Lisa, the production department could have made a mistake because you already look kind of like an animal with those hippo hips of yours.
Hippo hips? Alasdair, that just wasn't very nice.
Lisa, remember, this is the opposites. I'm not supposed to be nice, chipmunk cheeks.
"Carl Sagan Meets Billions And Billions Of Martians" will not be seen at this time. In its place, we present the following spaced out show.
"Ripley's Incredibly Amazing, Believe It Or Not People" will not be seen at this time. Instead, this network is ashamed to present the show that holds the record for the least number of laughs in a half-hour program. Ha ha. That's one.
I know where the school board finds them. I'm gonna start sending them back.
[Christine is doing her screen test for You Can't Do That On Television - The Movie.]
[enthusiastically, with a big smile on her face] "Hi, and welcome to You Can't Do That On Television, The Movie. Don't ask me what it's about, because I..." excuse me, could we make a small line change here?
No, no, Christine, it's gotta be done exactly as it's written.
No - it's just that...
No, no, no, no - look, you wanna be in the movies?
Yes, of course I do.
Then READ THE LINES!
[with much less enthusiasm] "Hi, and welcome to You Can't Do That On Television, The Movie. Don't ask me what it's about... because I don't know."
[Christine is slimed.]
[grousing about having to go to the drive-in movie] Oh, I hate sitting in the car and getting bitten by bugs!
The food is terrible, and the video games at the snack bar are out of date!
Well, you'll have a nice time, children, really.
Are we going to same old stupid drive-in on Highway 41? We're always the only car there!
I'll tell you why we're going there - because that's where I asked your mother to marry me.
Oh? Well, what was the movie?
Bride of Frankenstein.
Sounds right to me.
LIIIIISA! Don't encourage your mother!
"Children Of The Corn" will not be seen at this time in order that we may bring you TV's corniest children.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's You Can't Do That on Television pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
