Eddie Guerrero quotes from WWE SmackDown!

Eddie Guerrero

Orale, say hello to my little friend! Now before I have my match with Shelton Benjamin, I'd like to address Mr. Kurt Angle. [crowd boos] Orale Kurt, you're telling me that you didn't show up tonight homes, that you're not here. Do you really think I'm buying that, ese vato? I mean come on Kurt, come on out here homes! Orale vato loco! This is your chance, homes! I know you're back there, ese! This is your chance homes! What are you waiting for, I mean this is your opportunity to get rid of the Eddie Guerrero of the world. This is your chance to save SmackDown! homes. I mean come on bro, after all, I'm the only WWE Champion in the history, that encourages or sends out a message to kids to lie, cheat, and steal homes! This is your chance to play hero, Mr. Angle! Where are you ese? I get it homes. I get it. You got (bleep) ese. Yeah see Kurt, orale homes, all the talk that you do is exactly that ese. You talk. You talk about being justified. You talk about being holy. You talk the talk ese, but you don't walk the walk ese. Who do you think you're fooling ese? Do you think you're fooling them? Do you think you're fooling me? Kurt Angle, [crowd chants "Eddie"] Orale homes! I mean come on ese! I'm an addict! I'm a bad influence! This is your chance Kurt, to come and make things right! Stop being around a bush ese, and come out here and get your (bleep) kicked by Latino Heat! Yeah Kurt, this doesn't surprise me ese. You know Kurt, you've done a lot of talking, that's right, Angle does suck. You've done a lot of talking ese. But now Kurt, it's time to put up and shut up man. WrestleMania XX, you promise the world that you're gonna walk in WrestleMania XX and save SmackDown! and save WWE from Eddie Guerrero. Well I got one promise to you Kurt. After I beat you at WrestleMania XX homes, I promise I'm gonna lie more than ever, I'm gonna steal more than ever, and I'm gonna cheat more than ever! Orale, viva la raza!

Eddie

You know...all over the country, people have been asking me, "Why, Eddie, why? Why did you do to Rey Mysterio, what you did to him, last week?" Plain and simple, I gave him what he wanted. He wanted a fight, I gave him a fight! I gave him the fight of his life! And do you think that makes me happy?? [looking at Rey's bloody mask which he kept from the previous week] DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME...HAPPY?! I didn't want to do it, Rey, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO IT?! Por qué? It's your fault!! Es tu culpa, Rey! [the crowd starts an "Eddie sucks" chant] I never wanted to lay a hand on you! And look what you made me do! But you know what, Rey? Blessings come in disguises, ese. You see, I realized something last week, homes. My eyes were open. And I realized what you were doing. And not only you... [standing up and addressing the audience] ...ALL of these people. [the crowd boos] I realized, that each and every one of you, were living vicariously through me! You were stealing my passion, my love, my energy! You were stealing my Latino Heat! But as of last week...not anymore, 'cause I got it back! I got it ALL back! And I like it! I like what I'm feeling, Rey. [sitting back down in the chair] So I got a little piece of advice for you, homes. See, nothing and no one is going to ever, ever, take away my Latino Heat again! So I want you to listen, real close. [camera zooms in closer on Eddie] Come in, a little closer. LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!! Quiero que piensas, I want you to think, think of your family. Aalyah and Dominik, your son and your daughter. Don't make me...hurt them, Rey. Don't make me...hurt their daddy again, ese! Don't make me...take...away...their papá! 'Cause I promise you this, ese: you promised to make your return at Judgment Day...I advise against it. You return at Judgment Day, remember...right now, I have your blood on my hands. At Judgment Day, if you come back, I'll have your life!

Eddie Guerrero

[turned off by the sheer smell] Oh Chihuahua man, eto qunni. Hoho man. [knocks on Big Show's stall] Hey Big Show! Big Show!

Big Show

LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Oh man, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to scare you while you're in the commode. Ese man, it smells like something crawled up inside of you and died, man! Ca miho! Uy man, I guess that's what happens, Show.

Big Show

What? What are you talking about?

Hey man, I'm talking about when you put me out twice, you really think that you can bonk me out twice man, and get away with it?

Big Show

Eddie I didn't do anything!

Ese, Show, the reason you're there is because I DID THIS!!! That's right man, that's right, it was my cousin Jose you just met right now, and ate the burrito, ese.

Big Show

Oh no!

I put special sauce and I mean some real good special sauce [touches tummy] the type that makes your stomach do what it's doing right now, ese!

Big Show

Oh it's killing me.

Oh my God I know it's killing you, I can smell it. Huy!! [picks up toilet paper rolls at dispenser near sink] Hey man, you save your sweat, let me ask you a question, what are you gonna do to wipe your ass? No, you know, wipe your ass?

Big Show

[reacts] No, no, no. Eddie, there's no toilet paper in here!! C'mon man, don't do this to me!

I'm sorry, that's right. I forgot. I took the toilet paper out about an hour ago.

Big Show

Oh no, man!

[puts toilet paper atop dispenser] Here man, I got something for you to wipe your ass with. Here goes! [kicks stall door right into Big Show]

Big Show

[Rises up] You son of a... [reacts and collapses back on toilet as more come out]

Ohohoh, does that hurt?

Big Show

Oh, yeah..

Hurt your back? [mocks back pain] Montezuma ain't got NOTHING on MonGuerrero! [leaves as Big Show cries]

A rich man don't work when a rich man don't want to. Let's go driver. I look way too good not to be in New York City tonight. Let's go! [signals intercom] Hey, let's go! [no response] Idiot! Who hired these morons [tries again and opens partition] Hey, moron, I said let's go! Take me back to New York City now!

New York City? [driver takes off his hat revealing it's Eddie Guerrero]

Hey!! What are you..?

Eddie Guerrero

Órale Holmes! We ain't going to New York City, but we are going for a ride. And it's gonna be better than Disneyland, órale Holmes - hey, does this, have any any hydraulics? [presses button and partition goes back up] Yeah, ha, vato loco.

What do you mean hydraulics?!?! Get me out of here, idiot, you're stealing my... [tries to pound windows and open the door, but they're all locked]

[as JBL jabbers at the back] It's time! [drives off]

Theodore Long

Excuse me gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, the reason I've called you all here tonight because I know you all have heard the rumors regarding John Cena. But I'm here to dispel those rumors and to set the record straight. John Cena will not be here tonight, and it's questionable when John Cena will return to action. Now, I wanted to respect John Cena's request in keeping this matter private, but since it has already been discussed several days ago on Raw without my knowledge, that I'm here to let you know everything that I know. Now last week after leaving SmackDown!, John Cena was involved in a melee at an after hours club. Now among other injuries, John Cena received several puncture wounds. Now one of the puncture wounds was to a vital organ.

Eddie Guerrero

Vital organ?

Long

One of his kidneys. Now I talked to the doctors, and they have informed me that a tremendous amount of damage was done, but they're fighting hard, and they're fighting hard every day to save his kidney. So the difficult task that faces me now is I have to move SmackDown! forward. Oh and by the way, John Cena, I received a message from him letting me know that the show must go on. And the hardcore fact of the matter is, is that this situation leaves an open question? Who will be the number one contender for the United States Championship? [the roster starts demanding to be named the number one contender] Gentlemen. Gentlemen, ladies, here's what it's going to be tonight. Here's what it's going to be tonight. Tonight, we will have an open invitation battle royal to determine who will be the number one contender for the United States Championship. Now are there any questions? If not, thank you all for coming, and gentlemen, good luck out there tonight.

Excuse me Teddy. You know those hip hop guys like Cena? They're nothing but thugs. Sooner or later, this was bound to happen. That's not cool.

Eddie Guerrero

JBL! JBL! Olare Holmes! I saw what just happened to your ride! That sucks man! Now I know you're probably back there thinking this is not my lucky day, but I got news for you Holmes,

[overlap] That tire's mine, give it back!!!

...your luck has changed for the better. I just happened to know someone here in Greenville, South Carolina, that could get you a great deal on a set of wheels, olare!

You have stolen my property [to Orlando Jordan] and that is thievery. That's a felony!

It's right! It's right!

Who takes wheels?!?

It's such a great deal, Holmes. Well, let me put it to you this way. You could even say, it's a real... steal.

I cannot believe this, I cannot believe this.

It's a felony!

Now don't get upset Holmes, I know you're back there, I see you, you're back there crying, throwing a fit, really upset... But I got a little bit of advice: save those tears for Armageddon, the end of YOU, JBL!! 'Coz remember something, Holmes, you have something that belongs to me, Latino Heat and that's the WWE Championship. O Viva mi raza!

[during Guerrero's last few words] This is mine, you will not get it from me!!!