JBL quotes from WWE SmackDown!

Michael Cole

Well ladies and gentlemen, as we promised, from New York City, John "Bradshaw" Layfield. [crowd boos]

You hear that response, Michael Cole? Do you? It's like somehow for some reason, those people there in your live audience think in some way, somehow I was responsible for what happened to Eddie Guerrero's mother?

Cole

Well Bradshaw, we have seen the footage. Let's just get right to the point. Why would you engage in such despicable actions on a night when Eddie Guerrero and his family were honoring the matriarch of the Guerrero family? What prompted you to commit such an act as to manhandle a woman of her age and cause her to have a heart attack?

Whoa whoa whoa right there. Manhandle? Pick your words a little more carefully. The only person I manhandled was Eddie Guerrero. I quietly, simply, and politely asked the old lady Guer -- Mrs. Guerrero to leave the ring so that I could finish my business with her little baby boy, Eddie.

Cole

Bradshaw, no disrespect, but "politely"? I didn't see anything polite about you causing a, a woman to have a heart attack.

Causing a heart attack? Watch your accusations Michael Cole. Now these people may like having 18 to 20 of them living in the same house. And that may be fine with them. But that doesn't mean you bring your ever little snot-nosed kid and 100-year-old grandmother into the ring. That is my place of business. It was not bring your family to work day. Eddie Guerrero had no right, ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT, bringing his family to the ring.

Tazz

Well I, John, Bradshaw, not for nothing I mean, don't you think you owe the Guerrero family an apology at the very least?

An apology?!

Tazz

Mrs. Guerrero, yeah.

You've got to be kidding me, Tazz! To who? To Eddie? To some elderly lady who's already outlived her days here on this Earth? Eddie Guerrero put his family in harm's way. That's his business. But if he does that, then he has to take responsibility. Eddie has to take responsibility for the circumstances and what happens, the consequences.

Cole

Well and Bradshaw, i - is that why you're not here tonight in Tucson? Because you don't wanna face the circumstances?

You watch your mouth, Michael Cole. You hear me? There is a reason I'm in New York City. I am a businessman. I work for CNBC, the most respected financial news network in the world. That is why I'm in New York. You see if I was there, the hothead that Eddie Guerrero has proved that he is, would probably do something dumb. And he would get hurt. So what I'm doing is, I'm giving Eddie a reprieve. A gift. But next week I will be there. And May 16, at Judgment Day, Los Angeles, I damn sure will be there because that is the day, the very day, you mark it down, that John "Bradshaw" Layfield becomes the new WWE Champion. You know as a matter of fact Michael Cole, now that I think about it, I don't think the old lady had a heart attack at all. I think she faked every single bit of it.

Cole

You gotta be kidding me. Faking it?

Think about it Michael Cole, she's a Guerrero. She didn't teach her kid the ABC's. She taught him to lie, cheat, and steal. It was bred into him. A star was made into its purest form. I was bred for success. That's why you are interviewing me. I'm gonna come there and I can beat up Eddie Guerrero for free. But I'm gonna wait for the pay-per-view. You see, that's good business. That's smart business. My parents bred me for success. My people came to this country in a boat. Not an inner tube! Michael Cole, this interview, just like Eddie Guerrero's title reign, has ended.

A rich man don't work when a rich man don't want to. Let's go driver. I look way too good not to be in New York City tonight. Let's go! [signals intercom] Hey, let's go! [no response] Idiot! Who hired these morons [tries again and opens partition] Hey, moron, I said let's go! Take me back to New York City now!

New York City? [driver takes off his hat revealing it's Eddie Guerrero]

Hey!! What are you..?

Eddie Guerrero

Órale Holmes! We ain't going to New York City, but we are going for a ride. And it's gonna be better than Disneyland, órale Holmes - hey, does this, have any any hydraulics? [presses button and partition goes back up] Yeah, ha, vato loco.

What do you mean hydraulics?!?! Get me out of here, idiot, you're stealing my... [tries to pound windows and open the door, but they're all locked]

[as JBL jabbers at the back] It's time! [drives off]

Thank you. Thank you very much. As our late great former President Ronald Reagan once said, it's morning again in America! It's the dawn of a new era. The John "Bradshaw" Layfield era. And I promise to this, to all of my fans. I will become the most popular WWE Champion of all time. I know, I know how America loves a winner. And America, I will give you that love back. I will shake hands with you, America. All of my fans. Of course I prefer a, nod of recognition for no other reasons than sanitary reasons of course, I mean, shaking hands, you can get germs, and honestly you don't want your champion getting sick now, do you? And for those of you who insist on shaking my hand, I want to tell you, don't be offended by the fact that I will take out a little hand sanitizer. [rubs his hands with hand sanitizer as the crowd chants "Eddie"]

Michael Cole

The Eddie chants begin here in Fayetteville.

Because I want you to know folks, it's not personal. It's just personal hygiene. Because I will kiss your babies. As long of course if, if they don't smell bad, they don't spit up or they don't have runny noses. And I want you fans to get to know me, okay? I prefer to be called Mr. Bradshaw. But if you wanna be familiar with me, you can call me Champion. Or Champ! Because I am the WWE Champion. You see, after Ronald Reagan passed away, and John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King were taken from us, at such an early age, what you need America, is a champion. I am proud, I am proud to be your champion. So I don't mind you saying it, you can say it now if you want. JBL. JBL. Come on. JBL. JBL. JBL. Because that will inspire me, that will inspire me to be the fighting champion that I will be, unlike Eddie Guerrero. You see, I went into Kurt Angle's office and I looked him in the eye, and I said, Mr. Angle, I want a fight tonight. I don't want to rest to my morals as champion. I want to defend this WWE Championship, and not just against anybody, but against somebody who was at The Great American Bash. And I plan on defending this tonight. Right here. Right here in, right here in, [walks over to a ringside technician] right here in Fayetteville, North Carolina! And Mr. Angle told me that I can choose the person that I want to defend my championship against. As long as that person was not Eddie Guerrero. Because, quite honestly, I feel like Eddie's fallen off the wagon. Right now, Eddie's not here. If he were here, he'd walk in this ring like a man, shake my hand, and tell me the better man won last Sunday. But he won't do that, because Eddie Guerrero, right now, I'm sad to say is probably knee deep in a bottle of pills, or knee deep in a bottle of vodka. And it hurts me very very badly. It pained me to know that you had a champion that you people were ashamed of. Be ashamed no more, because the era of John "Bradshaw" Layfield has arrived. And I promise you this, I vow, no wait, I guarantee, I guaranteed victory at Judgment Day, and I guaranteed I would be the new WWE Champion at The Great American Bash. So I now guarantee to you, my fellow Americans, that I will be a champion that you can be proud of. Thank you, and God bless America.

Eddie Guerrero

JBL! JBL! Olare Holmes! I saw what just happened to your ride! That sucks man! Now I know you're probably back there thinking this is not my lucky day, but I got news for you Holmes,

[overlap] That tire's mine, give it back!!!

...your luck has changed for the better. I just happened to know someone here in Greenville, South Carolina, that could get you a great deal on a set of wheels, olare!

You have stolen my property [to Orlando Jordan] and that is thievery. That's a felony!

It's right! It's right!

Who takes wheels?!?

It's such a great deal, Holmes. Well, let me put it to you this way. You could even say, it's a real... steal.

I cannot believe this, I cannot believe this.

It's a felony!

Now don't get upset Holmes, I know you're back there, I see you, you're back there crying, throwing a fit, really upset... But I got a little bit of advice: save those tears for Armageddon, the end of YOU, JBL!! 'Coz remember something, Holmes, you have something that belongs to me, Latino Heat and that's the WWE Championship. O Viva mi raza!

[during Guerrero's last few words] This is mine, you will not get it from me!!!

Comesta, amigos? You got it all wrong, folks. I came out here to applaud Rey Mysterio, our World Champion. You see he's a typical, tough Mexican fighter, who has, whoa what you call it? Machismo. Last week, he promised he would take on all comers. And indeed he did. He took on the world's strongest... [crowd chants "619"]

Michael Cole

The "619" chants in honor of Mysterio.

I'm surprised you know the numbers in English. [crowd boos] Last week, Rey Mysterio kept his word, and took on the world's strongest man, Mark Henry. [chuckles] And lost. [laughs] I guess Mark hadn't heard of machismo. Well this week, YOU, YOU WANNA THANK ME! If it hadn't been for me, Rey Mysterio would've been squashed like a cockroach underneath Mark Henry! This week, we'll see if he keeps his word again, and takes on all comers, or if Rey Mysterio is el polio, a chicken. We'll see if Rey Mysterio takes his little inner tube and goes back to Mexico. But we all know our little underdog champion has more heart than brains. So tonight, [crowd chants "619"] I am wearing the American flag, something you people on strike should start observing! Now shut your mouth and show me some respect! [crowd boos] Tonight your little hometown hero, San Diego's own, Rey Mysterio, [crowd cheers] cheer for him now, because tonight, he has The Great Khali. But it doesn't end there Rey. Because Judgment Day, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock is coming. Remember, Rey, I am the one who took the WWE Championship. I am the one who defeated Eddie Guerrero! [crowd boos, then chants "Eddie"] Oh, Eddie was great. I was just better. I am the one who also [raises his WWE United States Championship] took this championship from Chris Benoit! And May 21, at Judgment Day, when I defeat the third amigo, when I complete the trifecta, I will be the only man in SmackDown! history to hold the United States Championship and the World Championship. I will be undeniably a champion's champion. A true AMERICAN hero. One more legacy in my hall of fame career and you Rey, you Rey, will be here hanging out on a street corner with your homies. Your people. Your people who are sitting here. Your people who look like you. You people who are the size of you Rey. Your people who speak like you. Your people who thank God they're here, because it's your people who do the dirty work for real Americans like me. But don't worry Rey. I'm not gonna leave you high and dry. In fact, I'm gonna offer you a job, you and your family. Your kids, sweet little Dominic can shine my boots. Your wife Rey, can work in my kitchen, maybe in some little short Latino dress. With high heels. Stelleto. I like this. But in case you wanna be gangfully employed Rey, how about you do what the rest of your people do? How about you sell drugs on street corners? How about you do drive-bys? How about you do prostitution? How about you work at a donkey show in Tijuana? You people make me sick! Rey, you and your people is what's ruining my country! Rey, at Judgment Day, I will, I will... [Rey Mysterio charges the ring and attacks JBL]

Cole

And there's Rey Mysterio! The World Champion has heard enough! Rey Mysterio attacking JBL!

Tazz

Can't blame Rey Mysterio! Those co - those comments by JBL, he'll be ashamed of himself, but look at Rey going to pound on him!

Cole

JBL trying to roll out of the way, Rey Mysterio continues the assault. JBL humiliating, embarrassing Mysterio, in front of his family, in front of his friends here tonight!

Tazz

I can't believe Bradshaw, JBL, the comments, Mysterio beating the daylights out of... [JBL flees]

Cole

JBL running away, running away from the champion!

Michael Cole

Oh...oh, my God!

Tazz

What the hell-?

Michael

You gotta be-

Tazz

What, no!

Michael

It's Kane! It's Kane! It's Kane!

Tazz

No! No!

Michael

JBL, you sick bastard!

Tazz

What are you - what is going on?!

Michael

You gotta be kiddin' me! What the hell is wrong with you?!

Tazz

No!

Michael

Kane! Oh my God, this is gonna be a massacre! [Kane enters the ring and immediately attacks Rey; the bell rings to start the match] Kane, beating the hell out of Mysterio!

Tazz

You gotta be kid - I, I'm...I'm shocked!

Michael

JBL, what the hell is wrong with you?? What the hell is wrong with you?!?

You shouldn't upset Kane, you know what Kane hates when you say that! He shouldn't upset the Big Red Machine! This is Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger all rolled into one, except for the fact he's a living, breathing human being, and he is a walking, talking stud!

We just witnessed the greatest travesty of all time at Judgment Day! [crowd chants "you suck"] Rey Mysterio is still the World Champion. [crowd cheers] But I challenged him to take on all comers. I appealed to his machismo. Well Rey, oh Rey! If you're still a man of your word, and you'll still take on all comers, then I'm gonna prove it was a fluke on Sunday! Come out here right now with your World Championship and let's do it right here! [Rey Mysterio's theme hits]

Michael Cole

Oh ho ho! The World Champion, as he proved Sunday, is a man of his word! [Rey Mysterio comes out] A standing ovation for the man who's still living his dream, successfully defending the World Championship Sunday at Judgment Day.

Tazz

I don't know how Mysterio did it on Sunday but he did it. He left Phoenix with the World Championship.

JBL, you're right. I did say I would take on all comers. And I took you on at Judgment Day. And I beat you!

You sarcastic little punk, that was a fluke! Now get out here, let's do it right now!

Hold on. JBL, you are the United States Champion. I don't, I don't see you defending your title. I don't see you taking on all comers.

You little punk. You have the audacity to question me? THIS IS MY SHOW! I carry this company! And yes, I will take on all comers, because nobody but a true American hero represents this country better. I am proud to be your United States Champion.

Did, did you, did you just say you are willing to take on all, all comers?

I kicked you too hard in the head Rey. Is your mask covering your ears? Under the blood that you bled at Judgment Day covering up your ears? You want it in English? The answer is yes, I take on anybody!

English, Spanish, I understood you. [speaks Spanish] So, since you are willing, let me introduce to you your opponent. Bobby Lashley!

Michael Cole

I can't wait to hear this. Nothing this man can say will convince me what he did to Rey Mysterio in the past two weeks was right.

Where's your objectivity? Let's listen to what he has to say.

Tony Chimel

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Chavo Guerrero.

And why are you surprised? Why does Kasparov play chess? Why does Clemens pitch? It's in his DNA. It is in Chavo's DNA to be a Guerrero. I've known three generations of Guerreros; you cannot trust a Guerrero. Lie, cheat and steal, remember, Michael?

Michael

Oh yeah, I remember. That's their motto, the Guerrero motto.

Don't look down on it, Mr. High-and-Mighty.

Michael

Eddie Guerrero made that phrase famous.

And this is his nephew.

People want to know why I screwed Rey Mysterio, why I betrayed Rey Mysterio. But first, I want to know: what is betrayal? Is betrayal stealing from another man? Is betrayal stealing his name from him? Stealing his blood? Because that's what Rey Mysterio did to me, did to my whole family, the Guerrero family. What? You don't believe me? You don't believe that Rey Mysterio is a thief? Let me tell you what he stole from me. I grew up with Eddie Guerrero. We were like brothers. We used to lie, cheat, and steal together. When Eddie passed away, we all felt it. We all felt it, we were all devastated. I retired from wrestling, I walked away from wrestling. But did Rey Mysterio? Noooo. He used the Guerrero name, Eddie's name. It seemed like every other match, Rey was dedicating the match to Eddie's memory. The Royal Rumble, No Way Out, even at WrestleMania. Every five minutes, he was mentioning Eddie's name, very, very convenient. And when Rey won the World Heavyweight Championship, it got even worse. Rey, you couldn't stand on your own, Rey, you couldn't keep the title on your own. What did you do? You used another Guerrero — me. Rey, I saved you from losing the title to JBL. I saved you from losing the title to Mark Henry. I saved you over and over and over again. But you decided to stand right here in the middle of this ring and take all the glory, and use Eddie's spotlight and Eddie's name that all of you chanted to him. At The Great American Bash, I couldn't take it anymore. And that's when I realized that Rey Mysterio, you didn't just steal Eddie from me, you didn't just steal Eddie from the Guerrero family, you stole the memory of Eddie from each and every one of these people out here, from you [points to one person in the audience], from you [points to another person in the audience]. People ask me why I did what I did. Because Rey Mysterio, you're nothing but a leech, living off the blood of the Guerrero name.

Michael

Oh my!

Oh my!

Michael

And look at this!

No!

Chavo was right! Chavo was right with everything he said!

Michael

I thought it was a pathetic excuse, as Mysterio and Chavo continue to beat the hell out of each other inside the ring! [Rey and Chavo fall to the outside and keep fighting] And now it spills outside the ring; these two former best friends are beating the living hell out of each other!

He shouldn't have desecrated Eddie's name; that's what Rey Mysterio-

Michael

Rey never did that!

You know damn well he did!

Michael Cole

Hoo-rah! Hoo-rah! It's the Miz's debut, next on SmackDown!. The Miz!

I'd rather have a root canal than sit here and watch Miz, the wrestling gods must hate me.

Michael

We are back on SmackDown!. It's the debut of the Miz!

Jerry Brisco is rolling over in his grave and Jerry's not even dead!

You're looking at a man, and you're looking at a family who finally has some peace in their lives. I suck? No I don't suck. I'm a Guerrero, and Guerreros don't suck. We finally have peace in our lives, because Rey Mysterio is no longer around. And he's no longer around because I, I put an end to his career, and not only did I put an end to his career, I crushed his leg, and I made him say "I quit". And I wanna see him say "I quit" again. Roll footage from last SmackDown!. [footage from the previous week's SmackDown! is shown featuring Chavo Guerrero attacking Rey Mysterio's knee in an "I Quit" match, forcing Mysterio to say "I quit" and lose the match]

Michael Cole

Well, this is last week on Friday Night SmackDown!, a number of times, Chavo driving that steel chair, the punishment continues.

Listen to him scream. Listen to this.

You can boo all you want, 'cause you're exactly like Rey Mysterio. Selfish. Because none of you wanted my family to move on with their lives. Well we're moving on, and we're moving on because of this. [the footage is again played] Rey Mysterio was, was trying to steal the Guerrero name. Trying to make a career out of the Guerrero legacy. That's why I had to do this. [the footage plays once again] I have watched that all day long, because that was the exact moment that my family became hopeful again. Again. [the footage is played again] Again! [this time, Chris Benoit's music hits and Chris Benoit comes out]

Cole

Well ladies and gentlemen, Chris Benoit putting an end to a, to a very disturbing sequence. Chris Benoit making his way to the ring, and speculation it may be, JBL, but I believe that man, Chris Benoit, well he wants some uh, answers to his questions. Questions he asked that posed to Vickie earlier tonight.

What kind of book was that when Vickie Guerrero walked off Chris Benoit and just left him hanging there? [Chavo and Vickie Guerrero leave the ring]

Cole

That's what they're doing now. I mean they're doing it again. They're ignoring Chris Benoit. They're not even looking at Benoit. Chavo and Vickie in no hurry to give Chris Benoit answers tonight. The audacity of these two. Don't you think Chris Benoit deserves some sort of explanation?

No. It was a decimation of the brand. This was between Chavo and Rey, that's it. Benoit needs to butt out.

Batista

Yeah! Hell yeah! Oh, you have no, no idea how good I feel. I'm all dressed up, got my new suit on, got my new shoes on, bam! I'm in Hotlanta! And I am once again the World Heavyweight Champion! Yes! This Sunday, at Unforgiven, I was fortunate enough to overcome the former, let me say that again, the former World Heavyweight Champion, The Great Khali, and my good friend, a man who I respect very much and I was proud and privileged to compete against, Mr. 619, Rey Mysterio. Yes sir. Yes sir. Rey, you're my brother, I love you, and you will be World Heavyweight Champion again. I know it in my heart. But for right now, for me, The Great Khali will exercise the rematch clause in his contract. So as it stands, it will be The Great Khali versus Batista at No Mercy. In what he calls a Punjabi Prison match. [Mark Henry's music hits]

Michael Cole

Well ladies and gentlemen, the self-proclaimed silverback, the world's strongest man, Mark Henry, who John, Sunday at Unforgiven, gave the returning Undertaker a hell of a physical battle. But what brings him out to confront The Animal tonight?

Mark Henry said he's gonna do whatever he wants, and nobody can do anything about it. I think that's what brings Mark Henry out. He's the king of the jungle, Michael. Mark Henry does whatever he wants.

Batista, I can care less about this celebration of yours. I can care less about your Punjabi Prison match that you're gonna have with The Great Khali at No Mercy. But what I do care about, is next week. The Undertaker returns to SmackDown! in a match against me. The World's Strongest Man. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna end The Undertaker's illustrious career. Come to think of it, I might need a little warmup for The Undertaker next week. And don't worry, don't worry. I won't even take a shot at your precious new title. Because all these people know, and deep in your heart, you know, that if I want that belt, I'll take it whenever I want it.

Batista

Mark Henry, you are as stupid as you are ugly. Last time I checked, you were getting your ass handed to you at Unforgiven by the Deadman. You got the nerve, you got the nerve to come out here and call me out? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. You've had a Batista beatdown coming for a long-ass time. And tonight, you're gonna get it. You want a match? You're on.

Referees don't do that.

Michael Cole

Well, when you're a McMahon, you can do whatever you want to do, right?

Oh, that's a good point.