MLMarc Lloyd
Paul. Paul Heyman.
Paul HeymanWhat?
LLloyd
I was just hoping to get a word on the physical condition of Brock Lesnar.
Heyman
Why don't you ask me about the physical condition of The Undertaker? I mean, The Undertaker was thrown off the stage by The Big Show three weeks ago, have you heard one from The Undertaker, no! Brock Lesnar got thrown off the stage last week by The Big Show. You wanna know the physical condition of the WWE Champion? Brock Lesnar has a broken rib and he's been coughing up blood all week. The difference between Brock Lesnar and everybody else is, Marc, is that Brock Lesnar will defend the WWE title and he will do it this Sunday at Survivor Series against The Big Show. What Brock Lesnar won't do though, is show up tonight here on SmackDown!. And that's by doctors' orders and by my orders. [turns around and sees Big Show behind him]
If by some chance, Brock Lesnar shows up here tonight, I want you to know, that I'm calling Brock Lesnar out.
DMDawn Marie
Paul, when are you gonna give me the cover of SmackDown! Magazine like you promised? [door opens]
Paul Heyman
Dawn, take a walk, now! [Chris Benoit has entered Heyman's office, laughing] I uh, I suppose you're proud of yourself, huh?
Well, for someone who wasn't even supposed to be in the Royal Rumble, you may be looking at the next winner of the Royal Rumble. No, no in fact, you're looking at the next WWE Champion.
Heyman
Is that a fact?
Heyman
See, Chris, I think this, this is the time that you and I should have a man-to-man talk.
Heyman
Because you see, there is a difference between me and everybody that comes to see SmackDown! live.
Heyman
They're working grunts. Me, I'm management. You have nothing, nothing that differs you between you and everybody that comes to SmackDown! because you're just like everybody else, Chris. You're a working stiff. You're a common working man. You're a working grunt for management like me. See Chris, people like you, they get stopped dead in their tracks by people like me. Sometimes you get stopped because of injury. Sometimes you get stopped because of fate. Well, my friend, at the Royal Rumble, you get stopped by management. Oh you can scratch, and you can claw, and you can work your way to the top, like everybody out there pursuing the American Dream, but you know what happens, Chris? People like me stop people like you! You give up time with your family, you take time away from your wife and your children to be number one. Well, Chris, I'm gonna make you number one! But not the number one at being the WWE Champion, no my friend. I'm gonna make you number one, 'cause you are the number one entrant into the Royal Rumble! You're number one! You're the first guy that will be in the Royal Rumble! 29 OTHER PEOPLE COME AFTER YOUR ASS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! [Benoit grabs Heyman's hand]
DO I UNDERSTAND YOU?! DO I UNDERSTAND YOU?!
Heyman
You're breaking--
MY WIFE, MY KIDS, MY SACRIFICES? You understand me, I will win the Royal Rumble, I will be the next WWE Champion, and you won't, you'll never, break my will!
JMJosh Mathews
Mr. Heyman, now with all due respect, how did you feel last week --
Paul Heyman
Respect? Respect?! There is no more respect, Josh! There's no respect for authority! There's no respect for the English language! There's no more respect for the general manager of SmackDown!, Paul Heyman! Now is there?! And that's all thanks to that thug, John Cena and Chris Benoit. That all changes tonight, 'cause tonight is the start of a whole new SmackDown!. And I'll tell you why, Josh. I look at the leadership of Vince McMahon, who took this industry out of the dirty, smoking bingo hall and brought sports entertainment to beautiful brand new arenas. John Cena and Chris Benoit have ruined SmackDown!. They appeal to the lowest common denominator, and I'm gonna upgrade the demographic here. I am gonna present SmackDown! to first-class high society, an all-American network presentation, under the leadership of Paul Heyman. You know and I know that this industry was founded on the puritanical values, the morals of the United States of America! The same morals, the same values that John Cena and Chris Benoit violate with their thuggery and their hip-hop, and their rap, so tonight, we're gonna change all that. Because tonight, Chris Benoit and John Cena will compete in that very ring against the team of Rhyno, and Matt Morgan, and The Big Show, the United States Heavyweight Champion, and Brock Lesnar, the WWE Champion! And I'm gonna be there ringside to watch these four men decimate John Cena and Chris Benoit and show the world that the very last person you ever wanna mess with is named Paul Heyman.
Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo! Damn y'all are alive tonight! [crowd chants "Cena"] This is my home. This is where I'm from. Y'all are my peoples. Hell, I used to buy tickets for the old Boston Garden. I could only afford the cheap ones where I was sitting right behind the pole. But that's real, and we gotta kick this off real. Now is Beantown here to represent?
So let me hear the whole building make some noise! [crowd cheers] You see, uh, at WrestleMania, Big Show didn't think I was a fighter. I put him on an FU diet. He came out ten pounds lighter. The SmackDown! video games are only way he could me. I bring championships home like my name was Tom Brady. But there's some people out there, that think I disgraced this title's heritage. [crowd boos] That's 'cause your boy's causing more controversies than gay marriages. Cole, Cole, no offense bro, we still cool right? [Tazz laughs]
All right bro. All right. Plus, the FCC is crackin' down on me too. [crowd boos] Man, those people suck! Just like the Yankees do. [crowd cheers, then chants "Yankees suck"] But I'm still throwin' the W up, changing the whole industry, I'm like the big dick bro. Nobody can finish me.
John Cena all fired up tonight.
His first U.S. title defense, [Paul Heyman's music hits]
Wait a minute, that's not Cena's opponent.
The hell? [Paul Heyman comes out]
That's our general manager, Paul Heyman. Leave it to Heyman to ruin a great homecoming.
Paul Heyman
Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. [crowd boos] The rumors are true. Brock Lesnar is no longer with Paul Heyman's SmackDown!. Brock Lesnar has left World Wrestling Entertainment. But for you John, that could be good news, because now that Brock Lesnar's gone, there's a whole world of opportunity for any SmackDown! superstar that wants to grab it. Which means you John, could be the new face of SmackDown!. But it doesn't have to be that way. You see, this coming Monday, live in Detroit, Michigan, every ungrateful member of that Paul Heyman's SmackDown! locker room will be at Monday Night Raw, including you John. And by order of the chairman of the board, Mr. McMahon, the representative of Raw is gonna pick out names. And if a member of the SmackDown! locker room happens to be one of those names, then that member of SmackDown! goes to Raw. And if I, John, happen to pick out a name of a Raw superstar, then that Raw superstar gets drafted to Paul Heyman's brand new SmackDown!. You see John, if I were one of the superstars, if I were in that locker room tonight, I would get down on my hands and my knees and I would pray to God that I get drafted to Monday Night Raw because those that get left behind are going to incur the wrath of Paul Heyman. So let me spell this out for you so that even you can understand it John. I'm very stressed out. I got stunned by Stone Cold because of that locker room, AND I WANT EVERY MEMBER OF MY LOCKER ROOM GONE! I WANT YOU OFF OF MY SHOW! YOU CONTEMPTIBLE PIECE OF BOSTON CRAP! [slaps Cena]
Heyman
DO YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I'M FINISHED WITH YOU! I'm, I'm gonna -- [tries to hit Cena but Cena blocks]
Uh-oh! [Cena knocks out Heyman]
And a right hand to the jaw of Heyman!
RRRoman Reigns
Chicago, you see, I said this before, and I thought I made it very clear. I don't like it when my cousins lose. You know that, right, Jey? But we're family, and we can get through anything because we're blood. [Turns to Paul Heyman] But you... you're not my blood. And you should know better than anybody that I can't have people disrespecting me, because if you disrespect me, you disrespect our entire family. So I'm gonna ask you a few questions that I thought I already asked and I figured I knew the answers to already, but...can I trust you, wise man? I took a week off, and it's like... I didn't see nothing, but I know everything that happens around here, and last week, you seemed a little shady to me. So let's get this straight. I wanna know this. Did you know Brock was gonna return at SummerSlam? Did you know Brock was gonna be at Madison Square Garden? Did you know Brock's suspension was gonna be lifted? [hears "You screwed up!" chants] Oh, you're damn right he screwed up.
This is the most important question. Are you a special counsel, or are you an advocate? [As the crowd chants "Advocate," Paul motions for a mic] Now, before you say anything, I want you to acknowledge me with the truth. Why are you protecting Brock Lesnar from me?
Paul Heyman
[trembling] My Tribal Chief, I'm not protecting Brock Lesnar from you. [Looks up to the sky] Help me. I'm protecting you from Brock Lesnar.
RRoman
[slowly embracing Paul] I love you, wise man.
Paul
I love you too, my Tribal Chief.
RRoman
And I thank you for your honesty, and I thank you for 40 years of service to my family.
Paul
I love you, my Tribal Chief.
RRoman
Grand Rapids...acknowledge me! You see, tonight's special. Tonight is a special night because you're not only acknowledging your Tribal Chief. No, no, no, tonight, you acknowledge my cousins, the Usos. Which means tonight, you acknowledge the Bloodline! Wise man.
Paul
Yes, my Tribal Chief.
Paul
[taking the mic] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the single biggest night in the history of tag team wrestling. You see, what we have on the Island of Relevancy is the moment of truth tonight. Roman Reigns is the GOAT, undisputed, the Greatest of All Time. You can take your Bruno Sammartinos, you can take your Hulk Hogans, you can take your Stone Cold Steve Austins, you can take your Dwayne "The Rock" Johnsons, you can take your Brock Lesnars, you can take your John Cenas. You can stack them all up, and that's what would happen if they stepped into the ring at the same time with the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns. They would be stacked up and smashed and pinned by the undisputed GOAT, the Greatest of All Time, Roman Reigns.
And while you sit there with your insecure cheers, here's something you have to acknowledge. Each and every single night of his life, Roman Reigns defends the position of being the greatest of all time. Because that's what it takes to be the Tribal Chief on the Island of Relevancy. So what, what does it take for the Usos to be the greatest tag team of all time? And I say that with a lot of nervousness in my voice because I stand in the ring with the descendants, the direct descendants of Afa and Sika. So to claim "greatest tag team of all time" would be pretty disrespectful if you don't do something that not even Afa and Sika, the Wild Samoans, ever accomplished. What is that accomplishment? Unifying the tag team titles! Don't just be the longest-reigning SmackDown Tag Team Champions of all time, be the only tag team ever, ever to be SmackDown Tag Team Champions and Raw Tag Team Champions at the very same time. And to do so, the Usos have to defeat Randy Orton and Riddle, RK-Bro.
Let's give credit where credit's due. This is the best tag team in SmackDown against the best tag team on Raw, perhaps the best tag team in the history of Monday Night Raw. But the Usos have to earn their spot. They have to be relevant, they can't be yesterday's news, and it's not enough to just be the cousins of the Tribal Chief. So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the Usos will come home the Undisputed Tag Team Champions, or they won't come home to the Island of Relevancy at all. Tonight, the Usos will beat RK-Bro! Tonight, the Usos will become the greatest tag team of all time! Tonight, the Usos will be the undisputed tag team champions of the world! And that's not just a prediction. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a spoiler.
RRoman
Usos! Twins, you know what I want, and I expect you to deliver. The only reason I have these expectations is because I love you.
[Nick Aldis tries to talk to Paul Heyman as The Bloodline ruin the Triple-Threat match between AJ Styles, Randy Orton, and LA Knight]
Paul Heyman
Don't touch me!! [walks off]
[slows him down] Hey hey, when he's done celebrating [refers to Roman Reigns lording over Orton], tell him congratulations.
Heyman
Now why?
'Cause he just earned himself a Fatal Four-Way match with all three of these guys at the Royal Rumble. [smiles, taps Paul on the arm and walks off, leaving Heyman visibly shocked]
[CM Punk addresses the Bloodline, but remembers something]
Paul Heyman
Yes?
What's the favor you wanted to ask of me if I do you this favor?
Heyman
[comes to Punk distressed] Take me with you! [The Bloodline is shocked]
Solo, Solo, I acknowledge... [Solo mouths off "say it"] the fact that I don't see the Bloodline standing in front of me, I see a bunch of fake-ass Usos, and [points to Solo] a phony cosplay Tribal Chief!
[The Bloodline rushes the ring, but leave when Cody Rhodes appears and he gives CM Punk a bat]
Solo, you fashion yourself the head of the Table right?
I've already beaten one head of the Table. So why don't you leave your family backstage, Kevin and Randy won't accompany me. We settle this here, we settle this TONIGHT!
[Solo reiterates his leadership of the Bloodline. The other members have acknowledged him, but when he asks it of Paul Heyman...]
Paul Heyman
Solo, I love you...
Heyman
[anguished] ...and I acknowledge... [readies ula fala garland] that you are NOT MY TRIBAL CHIEF!!! [throws away ula fala and mic, and gets slammed by a furious Solo's Samoan Spike]
Oh, my God! Samoan Spike to the wise man!
The biggest mistake of Heyman's life, and it might be his last.
[as Paul is on the mat] I loved you! You hear me?! I loved you! I tried! I tried! You understand me?! I loved you! I tried! Jacob, get him up there!!
WWE SmackDown! · 149 quotes
