WWE SmackDown! quotes

Mick Foley

Triple H, that is enough! Is this what you get off on? Making fun of me? How much more, do you want from me? First, you take away my job, then you bring this idiot out there and you take away my dignity then Monday night, in what should have been the greatest night of my life when I was reinstated on RAW is WAR, you take me and you ruin my shirt and you ruin my face and I'll be honest when I stepped onto the shower and I let the cold water run down on my head and I looked down at the pool of blood as it swirled down the shower drain, I started thinking a little big about what Mankind was. Well, Mankind is an entertaining son of a gun. Mankind is a pretty damn good author, Mankind is one tough SOB and Mankind is one hell of a fighter. So it saddens me to say that after the beating you gave me on Monday night one thing Mankind is not is ready to face you in a streetfight at the Royal Rumble in Madison Square Garden because you are without a doubt, The Game. You are the best in the business right now and as you said Mankind in some ways is nothing more than a beaten-up pathetic fool. But I think the WWF fans deserve a substitute in that match. What I'm gonna do, Triple H, is I'm gonna name him right now - as a matter of fact, I think you know the guy. [walks down, removes mask and shirt, revealing the Cactus Jack Wanted Dead shirt to huge response] And I think you know him pretty damn well. His name, is Cactus Jack! And his first official act as part of the WWF is to kick your teeth all over the city of Chicago!

The Rock

Chris Jericho, the Rock says that tag-team wrestling really isn't in his repertoire, but tonight, the Rock will team with you as long the Rock can get that Olympic goof to know his role and shut his mouth! But then again, the Rock could care less about Kurt Angle. The only reason he would pair you is to get his hands, on the Big Show. Big Show, the Rock says this: He's heard your complaints, he has seen your footage, and the Rock says you are absolutely right. The Rock says you're right, the Rock's feet did touch the ground first and you are right the Rock did call you a jabroni, and you are right, these people - the Rock's people - boo your candyass! [Rocky chants] Well Big Show, you wanna know why they boo you? You know why they don't treat you with the respect that you think you deserve? Well you see the Rock has a little bit of video footage of his own. The Rock has some video footage of the one thing you think you do best so the Rock says roll the footage. [clip of Rock mocking Big Show's chokeslam arm and battlecry; Big Show fumes] Now Big Show, just in case you didn't digest that, let's look at it one more time from a different angle! [front-view clip of Rock mocking Big Show again] Now Big Show, seeing as you have a third-grade education, maybe you will understand it one more time in slow motion. [The Rock makes a fake slowmo shot of Big Show's tell] You see Big Show that is why they boo you. That is why they don't treat you with respect, because you whine, you bitch, you moan, and complain [mock whining] But me? Why? Why you boo me? You should chant me don't boo me - [normal] oh shut your mouth! Big Show, the Great One says this - he realizes you're seven feet, he realizes that you are 500 pounds and the Rock realizes that you are without a shadow of a doubt, the biggest threat in the Rock's career and come No Way Out, don't worry about the crowds, come No Way Out don't worry about whether or not they boo you. The only thing you should worry about, Big Show, is this - is how you're gonna stop the Brahma Bull from kicking your candyass and going to WrestleMania. If you SMELLL, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!

The Rock

The Rock promised that Stone Cold was gonna be here tonight, and the Rock is a man and a half living up to his word, and always keeps his promises! Now all night long, the Rock has thoroughly enjoyed watching all your candy asses get confused, get paranoid. The beer, the rattlesnake, the only regret is that the Rattlesnake didn't bite one of you in your candy asses! Shane McMahon, beating up the cardboard cutout of Stone Cold. Real tough. Triple H, beating up the Stone Cold lookalike in a bathroom! Well, who do you think the Rock is? The Rock doesn't dress like Stone Cold, The Rock doesn't talk like Stone Cold, the Rock doesn't even look like Stone Cold... but [gestures to Smackdown screen] HE looks like Stone Cold. [Austin appears on screen]

Stone Cold Steve Austin

Hell, I understand you jackasses have been looking for me. Hell, I'm at the parking lot, I've been here in out all night long! Now there seems to be some concern over whose side Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna be on this Sunday at Backlash. Will Stone Cold Steve Austin be looking to favor Triple H or will Stone Cold Steve Austin be on the side of The Rock. That's an easy one for Stone Cold to answer, because the answer to that is, I'm gonna be on the side I've always been on and that's mine! But what I've got right now, is a little demonstration for ya, to any one of you little grubby bastards that thinks they're gonna get their hands on Stone Cold Steve Austin. You see, there's a lot of people out there that are good at construction, a lot of people good at building little things with their hands. Hell it seems the only thing I've ever been good at is tearing shit up. Basically, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm good at deconstruction, so what we got here [tears off label in crane, revealing AUSTIN DECONSTRUCTION] is my own little toy and Stone Cold Steve Austin's got just a little example of what might happen [gets in control booth] if anybody gets their little grubby meathooks on me!

Michael Cole

Where is he, King?

Jerry Lawler

He's in a parking lot.

Austin

[sets up controls] Oh that's what I'd like to hear.

Cole

What the hell is he doing? [sees Austin set up a concrete barrier over the DX Express bus] Wait a minute, that's the DX Express!! [Austin drops barrier on the bus and the bus explodes] Holy cow! Do you believe that? The DX... Express bus just exploded!!

Lawler

It's on fire!

Austin

And that's what's gonna happen to anybody that tries to mess with Stone Cold Steve Austin this Sunday at Backlash AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, 'CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!!

Lawler

He's demolished the DX Express!

Cole

Oh hell yeah, Stone Cold is back! Austin 3:16 says, "I just wrecked your bus!" Sunday night, King, at Backlash, on pay-per-view could be the Rock's night 'cause Stone Cold said so!

Vince McMahon

Now, I understand, that there are a number of you... [hears "Asshole!" chants] I understand that there are a number of you... I understand that... I understand that some of you feel as though that the McMahon-Helmsley Faction, last Monday on Raw, just wasn't fair to Chris Jericho. I understand that many of you feel as though, since the McMahon-Helmsley Faction made Chris Jericho compete on three different occasions, defending the Intercontinental title until he lost it, that it just wasn't fair. Well, that's just too damn bad. Because, if you don't think it was fair Monday, you're probably the same kind of people who wait in line, you wait forever in line, like sheep all lined up, you wait in line, waiting your turn, and then you'll see someone like myself, very aggressively cut in the front of the line, and you'll say, "Wait a minute! That's not fair!" And what about the parking lot, we've all been there. There you are, patiently waiting for your little parking space, and it suddenly appears, you start driving your car - Oop! Someone zips in, cuts you off, parks their car, and you say "Wait a minute! That's MY parking space, that's not fair!" What about, what about on those few occasions, when you will honestly and objectively, look into the full-length mirror? [senses reactions] Alright, now we're getting somewhere. And you women, look into the mirror, and you look at yourselves, and you say "Ewwww, eeeeh. Look at the cellulite hanging from my hips and my buttocks! That's not fair!" And you men, you men won't come close to the mirror! But on that occasion where you might take a quick glimpse, you say "Oh, That can't be me. No, that can't be me with the pot belly, and the small genitalia! Oh no, that's not fair!" And you look at yourselves. Go ahead, look at yourselves! Look at the person sitting next to you, yeah, look at ‘em! Look at the person sitting in front of you! Go ahead, look at all of you! You look at yourselves, and you compare yourselves to the beautiful people here in this ring, and you say "THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!" And, forget about the looks, what about [makes money gesture] the money, huh? What about the money?! Uh-huh! You scrimp and you save, you work yourselves half to death, and still, you can't afford what you really want? "That's not fair!" It's not fair that some people are rich and you're not! "That's not fair!" And you know, you have to face the facts, that the vast majority of you are just born with inferior DNA. And you say "It's not fair I'm born with inferior DNA!" but you feel sorry for yourselves, you wallow in your self-pity, and then you have to face the facts, that life is... not... fair. And some of you, a select few, you might as well go ahead and admit it, you might as well own up to the philosophy, for some of you, and that is that - Life sucks, and then you die!!

Jerry Lawler

[whispers] Gerald Brisco is the Hardcore Champion.

Michael Cole

[whispers as well while Brisco is elated and is given the belt without speaking] You gotta be kidding me!

Lawler

Gerald Brisco has the Hardcore Title, so get them to tune in the music. It will wake up Crash. [Brisco and the referee try to sneak out] Gerald Brisco is - [but the referee stumbles on a chair, which wakes up Crash. Brisco scrambles]

Cole

Wait a minute!

Where's my belt?!? Hey you... [to ref] come with me [to Brisco] hey!!!

Lawler

[as Crash and the ref chase Brisco] Look at this!

Cole

King, Gerald Brisco had the Hardcore title from Crash while he was sleeping [Lawler laughs] and the chase is on!

Vince McMahon

I'm not looking for trouble tonight. I'm not looking for trouble, I've had enough for one night. You don't even know what's happened here to me, all right. Look, I know we've had our differences in the past, I understand that and you should know, I know you're angry with me but the Undertaker, wait a minute, the Undertaker, he's the reason why you're not the WWF Champion. The Undertaker himself disqualified you for outside- it was The Undertaker's fault, that's why you're not the WWF Champion, but wait a minute, I know you're still angry with me, and this is what I want: just to show you there's no hard feelings, I want you to take the night off, Rock. I want you to take [Rock looks at Vince laying hand on him] Rock, settle down, please just take the night off that's all I ask. No hard feelings, I don't want anymore trouble, not tonight, okay? Please.

The Rock

So the Rock's got the night off?

Vince

The Rock's got the night off, okay? I mean it's about time.

The Rock

Night off for the Rock.

Vince

A night off for the Rock.

The Rock

The Rock doesn't go to SmackDown.

Vince

Not a thing, no sir, okay? Have a good night, Rock. [Rock gets back to limo; to driver] Driver, you take him anyplace he wants to go, alright? It's on me. Anyplace he wants to go. Allright? Gerald.

You did a good job.

Vince

Thank you.

The Rock

[calls out from window] Oh Vince, Vince, by the way, before you leave, before the Rock leaves, come here for a second, Rock wants to tell you one thing. [Vince is curious] Come a little closer, you don't want the driver to hear this, Vince. [Vince gets closer, close enough for the Rock to slap him]

Vince

[as he reels from the slap and Brisco takes him away] You son of a bitch! You son of a bitch! [walks off] You son of a bitch!

Triple H

You're embarrassed?

I know, you know what, I hope things work out between you and Stephanie.

[angered by what she just said] Hope that things work out between me and Stephanie? I'll tell you what, this whole thing is your fault. It's your fault that I haven't talked to my wife in three days. It's your fault she won't speak to me. You know what Trish, you know what you can do? You can do me a really big favor. [points arm far away] Get away from me. Get out, just get away and don't come back. Stay away from me. [shoos Trish off] You're bad news!!

Mick Foley

When I headed down to the ring on Monday night, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking If it was anybody else interfering in matches, they'd be gone and out of the WWF. And I'm also thinking about 1991 and 1992, Steve Austin and Mick Foley splitting a 20-dollar room to save a few bucks, riding in a little crapbox car to save a few bucks so I'm thinking maybe I'd just try to save face with the boys, maybe I'd give Steve Austin a little fine, a little slap on the wrist, thinking by this point in your life, you've saved enough money that no amount of fine I give you is gonna mean a damn anyway. But then what you did Steve, you went and you put your hands on me and all of a sudden my decision changed because you left me no other alternative but starting now, until we find out who ran you over, to suspend you indefinitely!

Steve Austin

Well, then I want to ask you one time, Stone Cold Steve Austin to Mick Foley, to reconsider.

Foley

When I said that you've left me no other alternative, that was my answer. The answer is no.

Austin

And when you said no, you left Stone Cold Steve Austin no alternative - [lays down a Stunner on Foley]

Jim Ross

Steve. [taps on the window] Steve. Steve, I just want to talk to you. [taps] Steve. Come on! [Austin rolls down window] Steve, you can't do this. You can't sit here and run down Rikishi. Do you hear that cop's saying? You'll go to jail! Hell he ain't worth it, he ain't worth it to you running him down. [closer] Steve, you've got to listen to reason! You got to -[Austin glares at him; JR steps back] All right easy.... [leaves]

Kurt Angle

Mick Foley, you have finally lost your mind! A Hell in a Cell? What is wrong with you? I've done nothing but defend this title with respect, honor, and class. I'm not a cheater! I'm not the Minnesota Timberwolves of the WWF! This match is completely barbaric! It's true!

Mick Foley

Yeah, yeah, it's true, it is true. You were really on a roll. It is barbaric, no doubt about it, and it is brutal, but you and in some ways, all of these men, have left me no other alternative. Make no mistake about it at Armageddon there will be hell taking place inside that cell until there is one WWF Champion and one more time, on more time, if anybody gets physically involved tonight, then that person loses their title shot, and Kurt Angle if it's you who decides to act a little bit funny tonight, then I will STRIP YOU of the WWF title - and I will strip you right here, in Minneapolis, Minnesota! [Angle is highly distraught]

Triple H

[to Angle] Wow, sucks to be you doesn't it? [to Foley] You know Foley, it sounds ironic that you stand in that ring as the commissioner making a Hell in a Cell match, when... jeez, wasn't it a Hell in a Cell match that's the reason you're now the commissioner? I mean, let me refresh your memory, it was a Hell in a Cell match where I beat you half to death and retired your ass! So Foley, all your little stipulations to your match, are just fine with me, but before I go, let me introduce to everybody, somebody very special to me, I'd like to bring out here, my beautiful wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!

Vince McMahon

Allow me to introduce to you the greatest WWF Champion of all time. Allow me to introduce to you the man, who'll lead Team WWF into Invasion. Allow me to introduce you to the man, who'll lead the Undertaker, Kane, Jericho and Angle into Invasion. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Stone Cold Steve Austin! [Austin heads down to the ring] You know Stone Cold, they say that since WrestleMania, you've changed. You maybe have. They say, that since WrestleMania, you've become more selfish than ever before, you've become uncaring. Matter of fact, many individuals feel as all, you've changed so much since WrestleMania, quite frankly you've become a very proficient brown-noser. [Austin reacts] Wait a minute, wait a minute. That's what some people say, they say, you've changed and I think you have changed. As far as the WWF Champion is concerned I think you've changed for the better. But quite frankly, when we approach the single greatest threat to the World Wrestling Federation ever at Invasion, you know, I'm not so sure that, we don't need another change Stone Cold. I mean, quite frankly, the man that I need to lead Team WWF, even though I've appreciated it, is not the Stone Cold Steve Austin who gives me hugs. I don't need the leader of Team WWF, the Stone Cold Steve Austin that... that gives me gifts, cowboy hats and... and Steve you had your wife Debra make me cookies. Steve, I don't need the kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin, that strums a guitar and sings to me to lead me and lead Team WWF into Invasion, that's not what I need, Steve. Dammit, you know what I need? You know who I need? I need the old Stone Cold! I need the Stone Cold Steve Austin who's a beer-swilling, foul-mouth SOB! I need the kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin who don't take no shit from anybody. I need the kind of HELL-RAISING, HELL-RAISING Stone Cold Steve Austin! I need the kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin, who not that long ago that would look at Mr. McMahon and if I parted my hair the wrong way, you would knock me on my ass! That's the kind of leadership I need from you Stone Cold! I need you to lead Team WWF into Invasion, I need the OLD Stone Cold! Are you listening to me, dammit?! Huh? Do you want to knock me on my ass now? Huh? Come on, I can feel it, I know I can feel it can feel it in my guts! COME ON, COME ON, NAIL ME! COME ON, KNOCK ME DOWN! KNOCK ME DOWN! If you want Stone Cold Steve Austin to beat THE LIVING HELL out of Vince McMahon, give me a HELL YEAH! [crowd chants Hell YEAH! in response]

Michael Cole

Wait a minute! Rhyno! Rhyno from The Alliance ambushing, attacking Jericho from behind! Where the hell did he come from?

Tazz

Well I guess Jericho's mouth will be shut finally.

Cole

Rhyno, on that steel ramp, [Rhyno suplexes Jericho on the ramp] suplexing Jericho! His back and head, bouncing off that steel!

Tazz

Shut his mouth, Rhyno! Shut it!

Cole

Wait a minute! [Rhyno is calling for Jericho to get up] Oh my God! What the hell's Rhyno doing?

Tazz

Can you feel it Cole? Can you feel it?! [Rhyno charges at Jericho and gores him through the SmackDown! titantron]

Cole

A Gore!

Tazz

YEAH!

Cole

A Gore! A Gore through the screen!

Tazz

Y2J just got Gored into the next millennium! Shut his mouth!

Cole

Rhyno with that devastating Gore through that video screen, and onto the steel behind, and Jericho grimacing in pain!

Tazz

That was amazing! I don't hear Jericho yapping now, do I?

Vince McMahon

Tonight - tonight, the spirit of America...lives...here...in Houston, Texas! On behalf of everyone here in the arena, and a worldwide television audience, we would like to extend our condolences to the victims, and the families and friends of the victims of the terrorist acts that occurred on Tuesday in New York City and Washington, DC. Our nation's leaders have encouraged us to continue to live our lives...the American way...they've encouraged us to practice and exercise our Constitutional rights. And, as such, tonight I believe this is the first public assembly of its size since the tragedy of Tuesday. Make - make NO MISTAKE about what - and make no mistake about the message this public assembly is sending to terrorism tonight. And that message, quite simply, is that we will not live our lives in fear. The citizens of Houston are NOT afraid...the citizens of Texas are, indeed, not afraid...and by God, the citizens of the United States are not afraid! For we are a proud people - proud of who we are, proud of our nation, and damn proud to be Americans!

[chanting] USA!

And we...and we will fight. We will fight for our families, we will fight for our rights, and we will fight for our great nation. America's heart has been wounded. But her spirit - her spirit shines as a beacon of freedom - a beacon of freedom that never has been, nor ever will be extinguished. The World Wrestling Federation would like to thank each and every one of you here in the Compaq Center tonight. The World Wrestling Federation would like to thank each and every one of you watching on television. We would like to thank you for the honor and privilege of performing before you here tonight.

I was actually contemplating whether to do this or not, because I don't know if all of you really care what Edge, or better yet Adam Copeland has to say about this. What else can be said? And I actually contemplated whether this show was the right thing to do. And once I contemplated it, I decided that, as the WWF family, we need to do our job tonight, and our job is to bring smiles to the faces of all your families. And if we can do that, then we've done our jobs, and...this can't be forgotten, it shouldn't be forgotten, and it never will be forgotten...but if we can do that, then this show was the right thing to do. And, I'd just like to send my prayers out to all those affected.

The Rock

First and foremost, I have to say that I can't fathom or comprehend the pain and the suffering and the anguish that the families and friends of the victims are going through...the workers, working diligently, 24 hours a day - sifting through the rubble and looking for...any remnants of life. It's difficult...to talk about this and I will say that I can't...I couldn't imagine what it must be like to be there, I couldn't imagine, I couldn't imagine if my own family were there. I, ah, I will offer my condolences and certainly say that everyone is in my heart and in my prayers, and I umm - I just wanna say to everyone out there, again to the families and friends of the victims and everyone involved is to...just stay strong. Stay strong.