[Kurt Angle has interrupted Stone Cold Steve Austin's match with Tajiri]
Kurt AngleYou know, Austin? When you threw my gold medals over that bridge a few weeks ago, you threw a piece of America into that water and I will never forgive you for that! Nor will I forgive you for what you tried to do to me tonight. Now I see you for who you truly are. You're a desperate man Austin. You don't wanna face me for the WWF title this Sunday at Unforgiven. Because when you look at me, when you look into my eyes, LOOK AT MY EYES! You know that I am the one man that in your mind, in your heart, and deep down in your soul, can beat you! And this Sunday at Unforgiven, I will walk out of my hometown the WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! OH IT'S TRUE! IT'S DAMN TRUE! And I promise you that I will have no forgiveness for you!
Kurt Angle
Ladies, before you begin, there's something I need to say. Now, I've taken a heart, the fact that you feel overlooked and underutilized and I have to say there's been a major misunderstanding. See, you say that you've been underutilized. Well, I say that you're plain useless. I mean, what purpose do you serve? Wrestling in your lingerie? Nobody wants to see that! What was I thinking? So, ladies, I'm gonna spare you the indignity of wrestling in your underwear or begging for your jobs because, as of now, you no longer have jobs. Ladies, the four of you... ARE FIRED!
Kurt Angle
In 1996, I promised to win an Olympic gold medal despite a broken neck. In 2000, I promised to win the WWE Championship in my first year of pro wrestling. And last week, I promised a SmackDown! moment, the likes of which has never been seen before. And just like every promise I've ever made in my life, I delivered. [clips from September 23 shown] You brought this on yourself, Show. At 7' tall, 500 pounds, you can throw most anyone off a balcony and get away with it, but I'm not just anybody. I'm Kurt Angle and you don't do what you did to Kurt Angle without there being some serious consequences. The second you threw me down to the ground, the second you threw me to the ground, and my legs snapped in two, I swore retribution. And last week, I got it. I humiliated you, Show. I knocked you out, I shaved your head, and as a bonus, I got a great photo to put on all my Christmas cards this year. Take a look. [picture showing Kurt Angle humiliating Big Show] I did what everyone here has dreamed about doing, I took the big bad bully who took out an entire roster and I humiliated him like he's never been humiliated before. And I look at this crowd, I see a lot of people here that seem like they were picked on in life. And to all of you that would like to take this time to express your admiration, please feel free to do so now. [audience boos] America's heartland, pure class. I don't expect you people to recognize greatness, but there are two people who do. Two men that I have personally selected to mold and groom into my image that will be standing in my corner at No Mercy when I end the Big Show once and for all, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak.
Kurt Angle
This is a dark time in the life of your Olympic hero. You see, at Judgment Day, not only did I lose to an inferior man to me, Booker T, but I was also embarrassed by his gutter-(bleep) wife, Sharmell. And I am ashamed of that. It was a joke. But it's not the only joke going on around here. Apparently Vince McMahon was sitting in his office one day, and he asked himself, how can I flush a bunch of money down the toilet and disgrace everything that wrestling stands for? I know. Bring back ECW. Now that's a freakin' brilliant idea. [crowd chants "ECW"] ECW can kiss my (bleep). See people, I know wrestling! I eat, sleep and breathe wrestling, and ECW is not real wrestling. ECW is garbage! Oh I know, I know firsthand. I was at an ECW event after I won an Olympic gold medal back in 1996, and it was so horrible and disgusting, that I left halfway through the event and vowed that I would never return again. But it looks like I'm gonna return one last time. That's right, I'm gonna buy a bunch of tickets just like Bischoff on Raw, and I'm gonna lead a group of SmackDown! volunteers to ruin ECW, just like it ruined the sport I love! And Tazz, I'm gonna bounce around your ECW buddies just like Paul Heyman bounces checks. [Tazz removes his headset and angrily stares at Angle]
[Kurt Angle comes out after Mick Foley announces a Hell in Cell match for him, Triple H, Rikishi, The Undertaker, The Rock, and Stone Cold Steve Austin at Armageddon]
Kurt Angle
Mick Foley, you have finally lost your mind! A Hell in a Cell? What is wrong with you? I've done nothing but defend this title with respect, honor, and class. I'm not a cheater! I'm not the Minnesota Timberwolves of the WWF! This match is completely barbaric! It's true!
Yeah, yeah, it's true, it is true. You were really on a roll. It is barbaric, no doubt about it, and it is brutal, but you and in some ways, all of these men, have left me no other alternative. Make no mistake about it at Armageddon there will be hell taking place inside that cell until there is one WWF Champion and one more time, on more time, if anybody gets physically involved tonight, then that person loses their title shot, and Kurt Angle if it's you who decides to act a little bit funny tonight, then I will STRIP YOU of the WWF title - and I will strip you right here, in Minneapolis, Minnesota! [Angle is highly distraught]
[to Angle] Wow, sucks to be you doesn't it? [to Foley] You know Foley, it sounds ironic that you stand in that ring as the commissioner making a Hell in a Cell match, when... jeez, wasn't it a Hell in a Cell match that's the reason you're now the commissioner? I mean, let me refresh your memory, it was a Hell in a Cell match where I beat you half to death and retired your ass! So Foley, all your little stipulations to your match, are just fine with me, but before I go, let me introduce to everybody, somebody very special to me, I'd like to bring out here, my beautiful wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!
Kurt Angle
My name is Kurt Angle. And I'd like to answer some questions I've been getting from you fans ever since last Monday night. Questions like, "Why?" "What were you thinking?" "How could you do this to your country?" Well, let me assure all of you I'm still your Olympic hero. I'm still an American hero. I'm still everything that makes this country great, and you know why? Because I'm a winner! And with Survivor Series coming up, I started to think, who else is a winner? Who do I want on my side when everything's on the line? Well, let's see. Undertaker? He's been here forever, and what has he accomplished? I've done more in two years than he's done in a decade. Kane? Kane's not a winner. He's a follower. A guy who lets the man who burned him as a child lead him around on a leash? Just pathetic! Chris Jericho? Rock? Please! Those are the two most egomaniacal, self-absorbed jerks in the history of the business. I'm supposed to put my career in the hands of these four? I don't think so! There's only one man, one man who I can trust to get the job done. There's only one man who typifies everything this country should be. A role model to anyone who wants to be a winner. And that man is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Think about it. No Mercy, SummerSlam, King of the Ring, Judgment Day, to name a few. And oh yeah, WrestleMania after WrestleMania after WrestleMania. Does Austin cheat? Yes. Does he play fair? No. When it's all on the line, does he get the job done? Oh hell yeah! And that's who I want on my team. I feel safe putting my career in his hands. We may not be the best of friends, but the man backs up what he says. He is without a doubt, the toughest S.O.B. I've ever faced. And the bottom line is, the guy knows how to win. Because people, as much as I love my country, and I do, I love my job. And I'll be damned if I'm going to put my job in jeopardy by teaming with some WWF losers. And any of you people would do the same thing. In fact, how dare you people be upset with me! Hey, I didn't lie. I never said I wasn't defecting. I still have my intensity, my integrity, and my intelligence. [camera zooms out revealing Shane McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin standing side-by-side by Angle] And now that I'm on the side of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Shane McMahon, I know I'll be employed after Survivor Series. And you fans will still get to see your Olympic hero for a long, long time. Oh, it's true. It's damn true.
SMShane McMahon
Very good. [shakes Angle's hand] Very good.
Angle
Thanks. [pats Austin's WWF Championship]
Kurt Angle
Well, here I am, Kurt Angle! [crowd cheers] You know, I've been the Tag Team Champion, Intercontinental Champion, King of the Ring, NCAA Champion, World Champion, Olympic gold medalist, and once again your WWE Champion! Woo! But I'm not out here to celebrate. Actually I'm out here to get something off my chest. You see, it may sound a little strange coming from me, but it's true. It's true. You see, all my life, I've earned every title I've set out to win on my own. And this one's different. You see, I'm not so sure I could've beaten The Big Show on my own. I may have, I may not have. But there was one man who lived up to his word, and kept his promise. Then did the right thing when it counted, and I'd like to personally thank him right now. [Brock Lesnar's music hits]
Well it looks like Kurt Angle is gonna be able to personally thank Brock Lesnar in person. [Brock Lesnar comes out] At Armageddon on Sunday, Brock Lesnar promised to make an impact. And boy, Lesnar made an impact.
Brock Lesnar, as everybody knows, is always impactful. Well this past Sunday at Armageddon, you're right partner. Big time impact.
Well Kurt Angle went to Stephanie McMahon, and had the suspension of Brock Lesnar lifted, and Brock Lesnar upheld his end of the bargain.
Angle
Speaking the devil. You see Brock, I always said I could beat any person on this planet. Any man on this planet. But I'm not so sure I could've beat The Big Show on my own, especially with Paul Heyman in his corner, if it wasn't for you. Now I know you don't want a thank you, I know you don't want a pat on the back, I know Brock. You want something different. You want what every person in this arena wants. You want what every person in this world wants to see. The most anticipated match in WWE history. Kurt Angle versus Brock Lesnar.
Yeah no doubt, no doubt! That'll be off the hook!
Angle
One on one for the WWE Championship, am I right? Well Brock, I'm a man of my word, and I said if I won this title, you'd be the first one to get the title shot. So here it goes Brock. NCAA Champion versus Olympic gold medalist. The match that everyone wants to see, the most anticipated match in the world. Brock, you earned it. Anytime, anywhere, any place. You name it.
I'm glad you feel that way Kurt. Because I want that match, here tonight in Tampa! [crowd cheers]
Angle
That sounds incredible, Brock. That sounds good to me. But it's not gonna happen.
Angle
You see Brock, I'm a little banged up as it is, but more importantly, I already have a match scheduled with Chris Benoit, non-title match. 'Cause I promised you the first title match. And Brock it's already been signed, my hands are tied. My hands are tied. But listen to me, listen to me. No one in this company, no one on this planet can understand the sacrifice and dedication to be the best in the world more than me. So if it's a title shot you want Brock, it's a title shot you want. The match everyone wants to see, Kurt Angle versus Brock Lesnar, next week on SmackDown!, what do you say?
Imagine Tampa won't like it, well they'll be happy in Tulsa.
Angle
Brock, Brock I said you'll get your first, Brock you get the first title shot. It'll be next week on SmackDown!. What do you say Brock? You earned it. [extends his hand, and after several seconds, Lesnar shakes Angle's hand]
Shut up and sit down, I got something to say! You see, ever since SummerSlam, everywhere I go, everybody keeps saying the same damn thing. "You tapped out". SHUT UP IT AIN'T FUNNY! People say it at the hotels, in the gym, in the restaurant, EVERYWHERE I GO! In the damn airplanes, they're telling me, "you tapped out. You tapped", I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK OF IT! [crowd chants "you tapped out"] SHUT UP!
Yeah shut up, he's gonna go nuts!
This crowd chanting "you tapped out".
Well I got news for ya! What happened at SummerSlam was a damn fluke. No wait, it was a mirage, that's what it was. Oh no no no! It was a miracle, that's what it was, because Brock Lesnar has never tapped out in his life! You see, I'm not a quitter damn it! No I'm not. I ain't like all of you people. Can't find jobs and if you can't find a job, you just quit looking for one. You see I never tapped out, it never happened! Well, maybe it happened but it really didn't happen you see. Hey, what happened to me at SummerSlam, I know it has to be the most embarrassing thing that happened to me in my entire life, period! That's all right, because I know what you people are thinking. I know what you people are thinking, you're thinking "hey Brock, there's no shame in tapping out to Kurt Angle. He's an Olympic champion." Well that's bullshit! Because I'm Brock Lesnar, and I'm special damn it!
That's right. You people might think that me and Kurt Angle, that we're over. But you're wrong. You're dead wrong. You see I'm out here tonight, I'm asking, no I'm demanding, I am demanding a title rematch, Kurt. You see Kurt, I know you're back there, I know you can hear me with those puny little ugly-ass ears of yours. I know you can hear me Kurt. So you better get your ass out here because if you don't, what I did to Zach Gowen last week,
Kurt Angle
[on screen] Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah! [mockingly] What's wrong Brockie? Want me come down and change your diaper?
Angle
You know this is ridiculous. You know something Brock? You're right. You're not like anyone else. You're the most fearsome athlete that ever stepped foot in a WWE ring. Well you know something? You sound more like a [mockingly] baby that just lost his rattle. You know something Brock, that's not the way a WWE, no I should say, a FORMER WWE Champion's supposed to act.
Oh you're pretty funny Kurt hahaha!
Angle
See Brock, go ahead and act like an idiot, 'cause you know what? I was like you before. Whenever I'd lose, whenever I'd lose Brock, I'd hop in that ring and sound exactly the way you sound right now. Like a whiny little bitch! But Brock, I learned. You hear these WWE fans? I learned from them Brock. Because they're not impressed with bitching. They're impressed with action. You know all the kind of action like, when I beat your ass at SummerSlam! Woo! That kind of action. Which gives me a good idea. You know how you said you never tapped before and you'll never tap again? Why don't I just uh, mozie on down to the ring right now and, I don't know, beat you up a little bit? Hit you with a couple of German suplexes, nail you with an Angle Slam, and slap that ankle lock on you and make you tap out one more time, YOU BIG OGRE LOOKING SON OF A BITCH! WOO! Oh it's true!
Come on Kurt! Prove it! Come on loudmouth!
Kurt Angle
Listen, the next step is Survivor Series, all right?
Whoa whoa whoa, what were you thinking? Have you lost your damn mind?! You picked him? Him to be my partner tonight? And to be the fifth member on our team at Survivor Series? How can we trust him? How can we trust him?! Hmm? This guy has made a career of trying to tear us down. And you picked him to be on our team?
Angle
Wait a minute, Benoit. News flash! I can say the same exact thing about you. I don't like you. And I don't trust you either. And I know you feel the same exact way about me. But sometimes in business, you have to get along with the people that you absolutely detest in order to reach a common goal, and you know that! So don't give me that crap. [John Cena is behind Benoit]
You know Chris, I don't like you either. [Benoit gets in Cena's face]
Angle
Whoa whoa whoa, hold on, hold on! Hey save it for tonight, save it for tonight guys. Come on, come on.
Yo captive, don't sweat yourself.
Angle
Easy.
Only reason I'm teaming with you and Kojak is to get a shot at Team Sasquatch. If I gotta team with you to get a shot at Team Lesnar, well that be's like that sometimes. Just remember out there bro, you can't see me.
He tries one thing, ONE THING, to try to screw me tonight, and I am going to take his head off, and then, I'm gonna come looking for you.
Kurt Angle
There has been a lot of talk about my actions last week on SmackDown!. I have been called a liar, a con artist, and quite frankly, it hurts because you people have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I'm an extraordinary human being capable of doing extraordinary things. In case you forgot, I won an Olympic gold medal with a broken neck. And last week, when I saw Eddie Guerrero, who I despise, who brings shame and disgrace to this company, who was about to regain the WWE Championship, I sucked it up, set aside my pain, and did what I had to do to make sure it didn't happen. I did the impossible. Do I believe in miracles? Yes, I do. And sure, afterwards, I regressed, my doctors told me that my actions enabled me to further damage my knee. My therapists told me that I risked permanent paralysis. But it was worth it. It was worth it for the greater good, to maintain Kurt Angle's SmackDown!. Where men are rewarded by morality. Where men, like John Cena, are stripped of the U.S. Championship. Where men, like John "Bradshaw" Layfield, stand tall as the WWE Champion. A SmackDown! where Eddie Guerrero becomes obsolete. That's right, Eddie! [hears "Eddie" chants] You see, Eddie Guerrero, what he did was wrong. But I'll tell you what. I'm gonna give Eddie Guerrero a chance tonight to keep his job because what he did, I could fire Eddie on the spot. But I'm a decent man, so I'm not gonna do that. But, there's one thing that Eddie Guerrero has to do. He has to come out here and he has to convince me to keep his job, provided that he begs for it. If Eddie Guerrero gets on his knees and begs in front of me for his job back, I promise, as general manager of SmackDown!, I will let him keep his job. But it's got to be good and it's got to be sincere. And I'll show you what I'm talking about. [Turns to Tony Chimel] Tony, would you come in the ring? And bring your microphone.
[Tony Chimel enters the ring]
Kurt Angle
In case you don't know who this man is, this is our ring announcer and Philadelphia's own, Tony Chimel. [audience cheers] Mr. Chimel is a great significance to me because he was the ring announcer at my last match, WrestleMania XX. The match where Eddie Guerrero cheated to win. And the last image that keeps going over and over and over and over again in my head is Tony Chimel, with a smile on his face, announcing, "And the winner is Eddie Guerrero!" Now, Mr. Chimel, in case you didn't know, when you cheat, you don't win which makes you a liar. And in my book, that's immediate grounds for dismissal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you saying I'm a liar? Is that what you're saying? No? I'll tell you what, Tony Chimel. I could fire you on the spot. But I'll tell you what. If you can convince me to keep your job, I'll let you have your job. Go ahead.
Kurt Angle
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Knees. On your knees.
[getting on his knees] Mr. Angle, I sincerely apologize if I offended you in any way. Please, just let me keep my job. Please.
Kurt Angle
Are you kidding me? You call that begging? Say it like you mean it!
Mr. Angle, please. Please, I have a wife and three kids. I just... just wanna have my job, please.
Kurt Angle
All right, all right, all right. That was good. Much better. Actually, that was really good, but not good enough. Tony Chimel, YOU'RE FIRED! [audience boos] NOW, GET OUT OF MY RING! GO, NOW!
[Tony Chimel leaves the ring]
Kurt Angle
I'm sorry, but Tony Chimel's not a very good beggar. But don't worry, people, because someone will be begging for their job tonight. And that man is Eddie Guerrero.
FFunaki
This is Funaki, SmackDown! number one announcer! Tonight, I'm here Kurt Angle's office reporting on the very special announcement. Okay, Kurt.
Kurt Angle
Excuse me, if you're done butchering my language, I brought you in here because finally, there's someone here on SmackDown!, a superstar that I can be proud of, and his name is Booker T. Booker, will you please join me? [Booker T enters] Now, Book, you're everything I want in a superstar here on SmackDown!. You're professional, you're a sharp dresser, and nothing would make me prouder than to present you with the United States Championship. [showing the United States Championship belt]
You're kidding me, right?
Kurt Angle
No. [lifting Funaki's arm]
Kurt Angle
Oh, yeah.
You talking about making me, Booker T, the United States Champion tonight? That's what you're saying, man.
[Booker T tries to take the belt]
Kurt Angle
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Yes and no. Now, now, listen, Book.
Kurt Angle
Technically, I can't do it just yet, but immediately after the show, I'm gonna have a meeting with the members of the board, and by next week, you'll be the new United States Champion. But tonight, just for old time sakes, I'm gonna let you hold the title.
You're letting me hold the title?
Kurt Angle
Oh, it's true.
[Kurt Angle gives Booker T the United States Championship belt]
Hey, I appreciate that, Kurt Angle. [Kurt Angle applauds] Thank you, man.
[Booker T shakes Kurt Angle's hand]:
Kurt Angle
You are welcome. You are welcome.
[Booker T leaves the office]
FFunaki
Hey, Mr. Angle, that's not fair! That's not fair!
Kurt Angle
Not fair? You're telling me it's not fair? I'll tell you what's not fair. The fact that you're a broadcast journalist and you can't even say "broadcast journalist". Go ahead, try and say it.
FFunaki
I'm a SmackDown!...
Kurt Angle
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Not number one announcer, say "broadcast journalist".
[Funaki struggles to say "broadcast journalist" then Kurt Angle grabs the microphone]
Kurt Angle
You know what? You're a disgrace to this microphone. You're a disgrace to my SmackDown!. And, Funaki, I'll tell you what's fair, YOU'RE FIRED! [takes Funaki's microphone] Now, get out! What are you doing? Get out of my office!
[Funaki leaves the office]
Kurt Angle
Unfair?
Kurt Angle
Listen up, guys. This is a very big night for all three of us. My road to main event in my third straight WrestleMania begins right here tonight. When I make Rey Mysterio tap in this tournament match, and I will, I just wish someone here would've soften them up last week when I asked them to.
Angle
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no excuses. Nonetheless, when I beat Rey Mysterio tonight, I'm going straight to the finals at No Way Out, baby, and thanks to my boys, you guys made sure there wasn't a winner in the Undertaker match, which means I don't have a semi-final match. I'm going straight to the finals. You guys make me proud, I love you guys.
LRLuther Reigns
Look, Angle, what we did last week, that was nothing. I'm sick every time Undertaker's name being mentioned around here, all these punks bowing down. Well, Luther Reigns, he don't bow down to nobody.
Angle
You damn right.
RReigns
Hell, even that looney tune Heidenreich, he got a whacked out when he seen them caskets. I mean, he's already whacked out, what am I saying?
Angle
Wacko.
RReigns
Look, Angle, I've had my throat cut ear to ear. I've been shot. I've been stabbed in a prison riot. I was locked down 23 hours a day, 7 days a week for 5 calendars. 5 calendars, Angle. I've had so much blood on me, you couldn't even tell what color my skin was. I've stared death in the eyes more times than I can remember. So when it comes to the Undertaker, I ain't scared of no caskets, and I damn sure ain't scared of no deadman.
Angle
Now, that's the intensity I want. That's the intensity that's gonna bring home the gold tonight. You guys are gonna go out there and you're gonna win the WWE Tag Team Championships from the Bashams. You got it? Now let's go do it!
Angle
That's right, you're damn right.
RReigns
Let's roll, Jindrak.
WWE SmackDown! · 149 quotes
