[admiring himself in the mirror after bench pressing] You know, Keith, you really should've done more to push fitness when you were here.
Yeah, I was going to get to that, but the crime-fighting kept getting in the way.
S2One Angry Veronica
Oh, hello. Which one are you? Blinky? Humpty? Zorro?
TThumper
My name is Thumper. Not that you really care.
Oh, I care... deeply. I guess you heard about our new cranberry walnut crumb cake. It's true: it's cran-tastic.
[to Veronica] I'm sorry, I was looking for my apartment, but I seem to have stumbled upon some sort of magical winter wonderland instead. Why, perhaps this elf can help me.
I'm so impressed you fit a pony into my room. Presents, presents, presents!
Do you see the moving truck out front? Ms. Moana Lisa and Mr. Outside Voice next door finally got the boot. Two old acquaintances that should be forgotten.
S2Donut Run
Hi-ho.
What did you say?
Oh, your uniform. Hi-ho. It's off to work you go.
Guess that makes me Snow White.
You must be on your way up to see Mopey.
How is he doing, Sleazy?
Oh, that's just pathetic. Up! Get up! I came here to see Veronica Mars. Who's this... Emo girl?
Leave me alone. I'm wallowing.
Not anymore. We're going out. We gotta go see a movie or get in a barfight or something.
I don't wanna get in a barfight.
Tough, 'cause you're goin if I have to drag you. But before we do, Veronica: Shower. You smell bad.
You're not helping. You think you're helping. But you're not.
Hey, Veronica! What's the haps?
Oh, you know. I didn't think there'd be air conditioning, but, other than that, this is pretty much how I pictured Hell.
I have no idea where he is, and if I did, you would be the... [counting fingers] last person I'd tell.
Am I hearing you right? Because you'd tell Osama bin Laden before you tell me? Because back in my day, we had a little thing called patriotism.
What's the word?
The one they call Bootsy told me "no" and went on to suggest I perform sexual intercourse upon my own person.
Doesn't he understand? If you could do that, you'd never come to school.
Boy, that's the truth.
So... The F-B-I. I've thought about it, you know. But big fish, small town has its perks. Still, who knows? I still might apply.
MMorris
You go to college?
For a year. Blew out a knee at Southwest Texas playing ball.
MMorris
Speak a foreign language?
A little Mexican. Enough to get by. I tell 'em to turn their music down.
MMorris
Any expertise in computer science, law, physics, chemistry, forensics, mathematics?
Expertise...?
MMorris
Small town, big fish: You know, I'd ride with that.
S2Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle
So, the manager's boyfriend just dumped her, and she says this helps with the stress.
What is it?
A German chocolate nut-gasm.
I don't think that's going to help.
Where did you guys even meet?
MMolly
At church. St. Mary's.
Of course. The only place the micks and the spics ever get together without someone getting punched.
It's called self-surrender. At the negotiated time - five days hence - Wallace Fennel will turn himself into the Neptune sheriff's department, who will oversee his transfer to the Chicago police.
What if I'm not there?
Then they'll issue a warrant, you'll be arrested, probably found guilty, and end up "married" to some enormous murderer named Tiny. My advice? Be punctual.
Or prove your innocence.
Or that. Suit yourself.
And how can I help you, sir?
I need a favor.
Ah, a favor - one of our specialties.
I need you to bug the confessional at St. Mary's church.
Um... I'm sorry. That's not on our menu. Maybe you should try "You're crazy" down the street?
[from the next table over] It's not just for him.
Isn't this a very odd coincidence? Or, wait - are you guys, like, roomies now and he ate your peanut butter and now you're not speaking?
Funny you should bring up roomies, as I just lost one. I don't suppose you could help me find where Duncan disappeared?
Ooh, sorry, one favor per customer.
Uh, yeah, can we stay focused here? 'Cause if we're seen together by the wrong people, that would be bad.
So, this is sneaking? I've got a pantomine-horse disguise you could use. Do either of you have any experience being a horse's ass?
Yeah, I'm glad my misfortunes amuse you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.