[As Jimmy and Jerry Gourd are on the countertop, disguised as Bob and Larry.]
Jimmy GourdNow, we got a letter today, from a kid named, uh... Jimmy, who lives in a place near... Texas somewhere.
Jimmy
This kid, uh, Jimmy, says that he knows this other kid named, uh...
Jimmy
Yeah, sure! Jerry! This other kid named Jerry! Now, Jimmy says that this kid, Jerry, is soooo selfish, one of the most selfish kids in the whole world, so selfish, it just makes you sick!
Jimmy
Who's not?
Jerry. He's not selfish, he's nice.
Jimmy
No! He's selfish! Remember? The letter?
Uh, no! Jimmy said that Jerry was nice, and that other kid... Hubert was selfish!
Jimmy
Hubert?
Jimmy
Who's gonna name their kid Hubert? Look, Jerry- er, Larry! In the letter we got today from that kid Jimmy who lives near Texas somewhere, it said that his friend Jerry was selfish! That's what it said, remember?
[angrily; his Larry costume falls off] You want a piece of me?!
Jimmy
Hey! Whoa! Oh, man! You're the one who said Jerry! I was gonna--
[offscreen] Hey! What's going on here?!
[Jerry puts Larry costume back on upside down. Bob and Larry enter the countertop.]
Yeah! What are you guys doing?!
Jimmy
Uh, hi there! I'm Bob the Tomato!
[hops to Jimmy and Jerry] You're not Bob the Tomato, I'm Bob the Tomato! Jimmy? Jerry? Is that you? What in the world are you guys doing?
Jimmy
Oh, man! We were just trying to help you guys out.
[Jimmy and Jerry hops over to QWERTY, who is turned off.]
Jimmy
Hi, QWERTY! Ya got a verse? QWERTY? QWERTY? Uh, QWERTY? Oh, great. Somebody turned off QWERTY! WHO TURNED OFF QWERTY?! [Bob sighs and shakes his head in frustration] Uh, let's see, control, shift, tab, delete. Uh, no, no. [Jerry briefly leaves] Shift, escape, six, option. Uh, no, uh, function, escape, tab, L...
[comes back with a cardboard sign] Hey, Jimmy.
Jimmy
Oh, would you look at that! "Don't be selfish!" Heh, that's a good one. Well, we're out of time for today, kids. Remember, God--
[he and Larry enters] Hold it, hold it! Stop, stop, stop! You can't end a show like that! Well, it's way too short, and the story was kinda, well... I don't know. QWERTY's off, and there's not even a verse! No, no! This is all wrong, we gotta do it again! [hops over closer to the screen and faces the audience] My apologies, boys and girls. We're gonna give this another go around. [to Jimmy and Jerry] Jimmy! Jerry! Take off those ridiculous costumes, we got a real story to tell! [Jimmy and Jerry leaves the countertop, disappointed] Larry, do you remember that letter we got from Lucy Thomas of Bismarck, North Dakota?
Uh, yeah. The one where she said she didn't like to play with her sister because she wanted to keep all her toys to herself?
That's the one. I'd say it's time we taught little Lucy a thing or two about being selfish. What do you say?
I say, aye-aye, skipper! [hops off]
[sighs in relief] It's good to be back. Action!
Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Holmes. But the Golden Ruler has been stolen!
[Sheerluck Holmes (Larry) can't understand his accent.]
I said, sorry to interrupt, but the Golden Ruler has been stolen!
SSheerluck
What language are you speaking?
MMaid
Say! I speak Scottish! He says someone's golden hula is swollen.
Jimmy
No. He said the goat and jeweler are out strollin'.
SSheerluck
See, I thought I was hearing something about Samoans.
MMaid
Perhaps coats and stools all go bowling.
Jimmy
Folding scooters have been rolling?
THE... GOLDEN... RULER... HAS BEEN.... STOLEN!
[Huck is exploring the town of Muscatine.]
[to himself] Wow, what a great town. This place has got it all. Friendly town people, shopping, baby with a signal flare... Huh?
[Huck looks and sees that there is, in fact, a baby with a signal flare. Observing further, he sees that everyone in the town has a signal flare. To make matters worse, Huck spots a big "WANTED" billboard for Little Jimmy.]
Ahhh! [he backs away from the billboard, only to bump into a policeman] Excuse me. [the policeman turns to Huck, revealing he has a signal flare, too; Huck backs up, and knocks over an n entire cart of signal flares] Oh! Really sorry about that!
[Huck bumps into the old man he met from earlier.]
OMOld Man
Hey, is there somethin’ I can help you with, Sonny?
[He adjusts his hat with a signal flare. Huck sees it, screams, and runs away frightened, catching the baby’s attention. Cut to Tom and Little Jimmy on the dock.]
You play any football in high school? You got the size for it.
Little Jimmy
No. I was in musicals.
[Huck comes rushing toward them.]
[The baby suddenly spots Little Jimmy, and starts crying loudly as he whacks against his carriage.]
[Huck collides with Tom and Little Jimmy, and the three tumble down the stairs back onto the raft. The baby stops fussing and looks at his signal flare.]
[grabs the paddle] We gotta get outta here! [pushes the raft away from the dock]
W-What are you doing? Huck?!? What’s going on?!
[A signal flare shoots into the sky with a loud whistle and explodes into a firework. The baby laughs. Huck looks up in horror.]
Little Jimmy
Oooh...pretty.
Eh-hehh... eh, maybe no one noticed…
[He was wrong. Everyone else in the town starts firing their signal flares into the sky, making it look like a fireworks show.]
[paddling faster] They all know about Jim! The posters are everywhere! Even the babies have signal flares!
VeggieTales · 158 quotes
