We're hanging on by a thread, but if everyone votes the way we think they're gonna vote, we'll win.
Yeah, that's the least reassuring sentence I've heard since "It's okay, it's just the tip."
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Please God, deliver Jonah to Congress, and then give him any kind of cancer, I don't care.
Jonah, you're already dead. What you do now, you do for your family.
Any chance Catherine and Marjorie want to get married? There you go, first White House lesbian wedding. That'll put you in the history books.
Oh God. I can't take that much acoustic guitar.
God, my phone is blowing up with these TV offers. Think I might need an agent. You know, someone who can take the Dan Egan brand to the next level.
Too bad Goebbels killed himself.
Oh, also, we got to get some eye candy in here. You know, hire some hot interns.
Oh, Uncle Jeff sent a bunch of resumes from New Hampshire. One of them was a phone number on a bar napkin.
No, New Hampshire is just a fancy word for "it's cold outside, so I don't shave my pubes."
Vice President, take it or leave it.
I wouldn't be your veep if there were a grassy knoll full of Jodie Foster fans in the front row at your inauguration.
That's a "leave it."
General George Washington could come out of his grave and I would rather eat his zombified, wooden asshole twice a day than be his Vice fucking, fucking anything.
You fuckers. How dare you. That magnificent woman was counting on you, and you losers let her down!
[into his phone] Yeah, I'm gonna have to call you back; something amazing is happening.
All you fucking cared about was your stupid bad selves! [to Kent] Your numbers? Your numbers are garbage! [to Mike, who is discreetly filming Gary's eruption on his phone] Your speeches? Garbage! [to Ben] Oh, and you're supposed to give her advice?! Is that right?! Because all I heard was dumb, stupid, I don't know what the fuck it was!
Garbage?
Gary...
Oh, shut up! You screwed her the worst, in all the ways! [laughs] Oh, I know! I know you make fun of me! And I know that you think that I'm funny, and I'm funny ha-ha-ha! Well at least I cared! I did my job!! I fucking cared!!!
[Gary walks out of the room; everyone is silent, in shock over his outburst]
Well, that just kinda made this whole year worth it.
Yeah.
You realize the whole goddamned Rayburn house office can hear you and your twink army in here cock-scraping each others' esophagi?!
How could you, Andrew? I offered you Secretary of State.
ADAndrew Doyle
Please, you offered that to everybody in town.
Your head is so far up Montez's ass, next time it's Alejandro's birthday, he's gonna come all over your face
Saddle up those emphysema tanks, you inbred cousin-fuckers, because we are going to drag this state into the 20th century. That's right, I said 20th.
Can you believe this ? The anni-fuckin'-sary of the historic House vote? I feel like we're celebrating my frat house gang-rape, except I didn't even get a candlelight vigil.
Do you know what the chief agricultural product of my district is? I'll give you a hint: It looks like Will's wife's clit.
Mangoes?
No. Tell him, Will.
Green beans.
That's why I spent two months jamming them into that lunch bill... like what, Will?
Like me jamming anonymous trucker cock down my throat in a public restroom well known for that purpose.
I was so sorry to hear about Uber.
Bunch of dumbass millennials. Too lazy to learn how to drive drunk.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veep pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.