Will quotes from Veep

Furlong

You know, you're about as annoying as a condom filled with fire ants. How's that for a fucking metaphor?

Will

That's a simile, sir.

Furlong

Shut your mouth, you fat girl.

Furlong

All right, let's get this over with ASAP. It's not gonna be easy with this big, gangly piss flap over here who moves like— hey, what do you move like, Will?

Will

I move as slowly as a Mississippi detective investigating the murder of a young black man.

Furlong

That's right.

Furlong

Do you know what the chief agricultural product of my district is? I'll give you a hint: It looks like Will's wife's clit.

Jonah

Mangoes?

Furlong

No. Tell him, Will.

Will

Green beans.

Furlong

That's why I spent two months jamming them into that lunch bill... like what, Will?

Will

Like me jamming anonymous trucker cock down my throat in a public restroom well known for that purpose.

Furlong

Well, we gotta go. Will's got a full day ahead of him. Tell 'em what you gotta do, Will.

Will

Well, I was hoping to finally finish my passion project.

Furlong

Which is?

Will

Rerouting my urethra to behind my balls so that I have to sit to pee, like a real girl.

Furlong

Ha!

Furlong

Alright, right now every Sunday pundit and poli sci major is treating this brokered convention like it's a big-titted college gymnast whose daddy fucked with her just enough that she'll do some dirty shit, but she can still come.

Selina

Hitting a little close to home there, Roger, minus the "big-titted" part.

Gary

We've never had a complaint, have we?

Furlong

But if we doesn't pillow-smother this sad grandma of a convention lickety-fuckin'-split, we are gonna wind up with four more years of Montez clogging up the White House plumbing with tampons!

Gary

That's not a problem for us.

Selina

Gary, it's fine.

Furlong

Tomorrow's the second ballot, okay? None of these delegates are bound to any candidate anymore. So it's time to get out there and start twisting some arms and pinching nipples. And, what else, Will?

Will

And may the best man win. And may the hairiest man ziptie me to a slaughterhouse drainage grate and make tender hate to my rear and mouth, in that order, at his leisure.

Furlong

Ha!