Sidney Purcell quotes from Veep

Sidney Purcell

I pushed someone through a plate-glass door once. That was fucking hilarious.

Amy

Hi, Sidney. How are you?

Sidney Purcell

Oh, you know, full of free shrimp.

Amy

Hey, here's the thing: Clean Jobs...

Sidney Purcell

Clean Jobs, yeah. What's going on there? You guys got a name yet? You too afraid of wrecking the Earth's resources to print up a press release?

Amy

I was actually gonna run a name by you...

Sidney Purcell

Don't say Chuck Furnham. [sees Amy's expression] Do not say Chuck Furnham! If you say Chuck Furnham, I will go into anaphylactic fucking shock.

Amy

I'm saying Chuck Furnham—

Sidney Purcell

FUCKING HELL!! Are you kidding me? Chuck Furnham, that's fucking official?!

Amy

Chuck is oil.

Sidney Purcell

No. No, no. Hey, I'm sorry, no. He's not oil. He's a fucking fossil but he's not oil. We need somebody who is plugged in. The only thing Chuck is plugged into is his fucking piss-bag.

Sidney Purcell

I don't have any children. I have a niece and I fucking hate her.

Amy

How charming. I need to be getting home, so...

Sidney Purcell

You know I wanted to tell you if you think this bill of yours is gonna go the distance, then you must be even stupider than I think you are. And I should tell you, I think you're borderline developmentally disabled. This bill is a fucking disgrace, and I'm going to see to it personally that it gets chewed up like a dead prostitute in a wood chipper. Just wanted to let you know.

Dan

Sorry, Mayor Splett, this is Sidney Purcell. He represents the very good people at Con Ag Chem Family Farms.

Sidney

Ah, well this man needs no introduction, please, the 7/11 Mayor himself.

Richard

Would you care to join us?

Sidney

Yeah, don't mind if I do. That's a great idea. You know, I'm actually really glad that I happened to run into you, there's a vote coming up in the State Senate, uh, regarding pesticide regulations . . . and there's an empty seat up there. Do you know anything about pesticides?

Richard

Not as much as I'd like.

Sidney

That empty seat in the State Senate . . . it could be yours.

Richard

You know down at the feed store, they're saying your new seeds cause cancer.

Sidney

Well, we've paid for seven studies that say that it doesn't . . .

Dan

Seven? Wow. Well, it's good enough for me, I mean you can't—can't argue with science.

Sidney

Lucky Seven, that's right.

Dan

I'm gonna get some drinks, you guys stay here. Talk. Get to know each other.

Sidney

You know what I want, Dan. What do you want, Mayor?

Richard

Well, to read those reports.