Wilhelmina Slater quotes from Ugly Betty

Daniel

Thank you; but it is Daniel, not Danny.

Wilhelmina

[deadpan] What? I'm hellaciously upset, Marc.

Marc

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Wilhelmina

Shh. Purge this from memory.

I do not have to drive nasty person.

Wilhelmina

Fine, leave him [Marc] here.

No, YOU. OUT!

Marc

By the way, when we move into Daniels office I'm not sitting on Betty's old chair... 'cause this bum don't slum.

Wilhelmina

Um, that's not what I've heard.

Wilhelmina

It looks like that skiing accident has done you a world of good... Alex Meade.

Alexis Meade

Alexis, darling. It's Alexis now.

Alexis

It's complicated coming back from the dead.

Wilhelmina

Oh, please. Donna Karan does it every three years.

Marc

We shall overcome, girlfriend.

Wilhelmina

You did not just say that.

Wilhelmina

[about her hemline] Higher... I said higher!

Christina

Any higher and I'll be giving you a pelvic exam!

Marc

Ow! Well, fill my bucket with nothing but thighs!

Wilhelmina

Relax, Colonel. We all know you prefer nuggets.

Alexis

He asked me to dinner.

Wilhelmina

And you said?

Alexis

No.

Wilhelmina

Alexis, why?

Alexis

Because it's dinner and that means sex. I know that. I used to be a guy.

Wilhelmina

And what's wrong with sex?

Alexis

Well I haven't... it's... I haven't exactly... ever since I... I haven't...

Wilhelmina

Taken the new car out for a test drive?

Alexis

That's one way to put it.

Wilhelmina

Alexis, what are you waiting for? Sooner or later someone is going to have to put the key in the ignition.

Wilhelmina

Fabia? That little Euro-Wench is getting married?

Marc

And she got Elton John to sing for the wedding. He's re-written "Candle In the Wind" just for her.

Wilhelmina

What? He was re-writing "Candle in the Wind" for me!

Marc

Ugh. Give that queen twenty-bucks and she'll re-write it for anybody.

Wilhelmina

Get Fabia over here. Wedding Summit '07 is on!

You must come to the ceremony. I won't be able to get married without my "something old."

Wilhelmina

Oh, with the veins in your legs, you already have your "something blue."

Betty

There is no one here who cares about changing the inside. They only care about fixing the outside.

Wilhelmina

What's stumpy up to now?

Betty

This concealer here, this isn't gonna change the fact that she doesn't have a house. And this, this eyeliner isn't going to bring back the people you loved. These women have lost everything and there is not enough styling gel in here to change that! [walks off]

You know what, she's right. There's not enough styling gel.

Amanda

I haven't gained that much weight. You can't even notice. [leans over the desk to answer the phone as Wilhelmina walks in]

Wilhelmina

Morning, Marc, Betty.

Damn, I'm good!

Wilhelmina

I have a little problem with the train.

Now this is MAJOR! [comes out in her dress]

Wilhelmina

Look at us—two women of color out for a fancy lunch on the town. Isn't this fun, girlfriend?

Betty

[chuckles nervously] I guess.

Wilhelmina

And that blouse is heaven. Where did you get it? I love it.

Betty

Okay, no, you don't.

Wilhelmina

No, I don't. It's hideous, like driving through Ohio.

Daniel

I can't believe Wilhelmina Slater uses a dating service.

Wilhelmina

Well, Marc doesn't fulfill all of my needs. God knows he's given it the old college try.

Daniel

Well, I guess it just shows you everyone gets lonely.

Wilhelmina

I'm not lonely. I'm horny!

Your first course is oysters on the half shell. They're an aphrodisiac... not that you need one.