Apparently it’s illegal to advertise yourself in phone boxes. Ask me why, I don’t know. British Telecom do it.
S2 E3Dirty Girls
We have some spare va va voom in the kitchen if you want to borrow it.
S2 E4Vomit
Donna, you look... beautiful; would you like to be my pop tart and live in my toaster of love?
S2 E5Crusty Curtains
There's no such thing as a perfect couple. Well, except Chris Evans and Billie. Sat there getting pissed with an 18-year-old every day. How perfect is that?
S2 E6Mo Mo and Pigsy
[motivating himself] You are Gaz Wilkinson. A beast of a man. You are strong. You are confident. You are Gaz Wilkinson. And girls want to touch you.
S3 E1Munch
[About Munch] He's a complete yoghurt!
I wasn't watching. I was listening, with my eyes.
I stole it, Munch Magic!
S3 E2Fish
I am your prince and I shall awaken you with my mighty sword.
You're scared of sheep?! That's stupid; they can't hurt you.
That's what they want you to think!
You didn't know I was afraid of sheep; I didn't know you were afraid of sex.
I don't want to be standing by the altar with you an iron lung coughing blood and phlegm at me!
[sniffing the card her secret admirer sent her] Who do I know who smells of paper?
S3 E3Kangaroo
She's a funny one is Janet, she'll do anything, things that even I find disgusting. She does things with a cucumber you wouldn't believe.
Oh yeah, like what?
This one time, I walked into the bedroom and she was lying on the bed with with cucumber slices on her eyes and mud on her face, she's pure dirt!
I can do anything, like a panda.
Pandas can't do anything! They can't juggle or go to Aldi.
This panda can. Grrr!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.