[Charlie is watching a boxing match with Jake, who is unimpressed]
As always, you're entitledto your stupid opinion.
Why are you making it personal? I didn't make it personal. In ultimate fighting, they kick, they elbow, they get a guy down and smash his head on the floor. These guys just dance around and barely hit each other.
OK, OK, listen to me. Boxing is a science. Boxers don't just wail on each other. They strategize, feel each other out, wait for an opening.
Gay. What's with the little pillows on their hands? Even if they hit each other,it wouldn't hurt. (Charlie hits Jake in the arm with a pillow) Ow!
You clear on everything I told you?
Yes, yes, I'm gonna go to her house, pick her up, take her to the restaurant--
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Pick her up? You're supposed to meet her there.
What do you mean, "why"? You're gonna break up with her and then drive her home? You'll need the Jaws of Life to get her out of your car.
You didn't say anything about that.
It's common sense. You know why Custer and Sitting Bull didn't share a pony to Little Big Horn? Because they knew there were gonna be some hurt feelings and the ride home would be awkward!
(Alan and Donna just had sex)
DDonna
Wow, that was just lovely.
DDonna
And after last time, I appreciate the aiming. (looks at watch) Hey, we made good time. I can let the babysitter go early.
The key is efficient foreplay. Minimal attention to each breast before I (pause) Meander to your Dander. Spoon?
(Alan and Donna spoon and sigh)
And switch. (Alan and Donna spoon to the other side and sigh again)
[Charlie is watching a boxing match with Jake, who is unimpressed]
As always, you're entitled to your stupid opinion.
Why are you making it personal? I didn't make it personal. In ultimate fighting, they kick, they elbow, they get a guy down and smash his head on the floor. These guys just dance around and barely hit each other.
OK, OK, listen to me. Boxing is a science. Boxers don't just wail on each other. They strategize, feel each other out, wait for an opening.
Gay. What's with the little pillows on their hands? Even if they hit each other, it wouldn't hurt. (Charlie hits Jake in the arm with a pillow) Ow!
I'll... I'll tell you later.
Tell him now. I got better things to do. (leaves)
You promised he'd grow on me.
So, how was you and Donna?
It was okay. It may not have been crazy-hot monkey sex like when we first started dating, but it was very much in the general category of, uh, jungle humping.
Yes. Maybe not, you know, tree swinging, but certainly canoodling on some low-hanging branches.
Don't you dare feel sorry for me! This is what an adult relationship looks like, Charlie. People get comfortable with each other and they develop a routine. And if it's not always fireworks and explosions, well, that's a reasonable trade for a warm, collegial partnership.
This conversation is over. (storms off)
(reappears) OKAY, IT'S BORING! IT'S SUFFOCATING! IT'S A DEATHWATCH! But what choice do I have, Charlie? Pretend I'm you? I'm not you. I'm a monogamous, settle-down kind of guy who hangs on to a relationship until I'm looking at divorce papers or the pointy end of a steak knife.
Oh, that's a load of crap. You're just afraid if you let go of one of these broads, you're never going to get laid again.
