Forget it, Alan. I only do the après sex chat with people I've just had sex with.
Come on, she's [Kandi] playing Family Feud with her toes!
I don't care if she's playing banjo with her nipples!
But I-- I need to communicate after lovemaking. I-- I need to share.
Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you started boinkin' a girl with the IQ of Tickle Me Elmo!
Fine. [walks away from Charlie toward Berta] Hey, Berta, how's it going?
Back off, Zippy. If you want pillow talk, you gotta spoon me first.
Well, I don't know about his father, but I've tried to share some of my interests with him [Jake].
Unfortunately, he's a little young to drink in the dark and bitch about men.
You like classic rock, right?
Oh, good. I was afraid he was gonna pick something gay.
Charlie [after Jake's off-key rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody"]: Kid's a double threat. Tone-deaf and arrogant.
Alan [while playing Scrabble with Francine]: Oh, boy. I have more vowels than a Honolulu phone book.
Judith [noticing Kandi's new diamond necklace]: Is that a diamond necklace? You never gave me a diamond necklace.
Yeah, well, you never gave me extra-special bonus sex.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two and a Half Men pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
