[Charlie is in bed with Kandi's mother, Mandi]
Are you sure I'm not interrupting?
Don't worry about it. We're kind of at the seventh-inning stretch anyway.
You can go two more innings?
Even if I have to start throwing knuckle balls.
Kandi [to Alan]: I think we've reached an implants in our relationship.
Impasse!
Alan [to God after finding out that Kandi has set her father up on a date with Judith]: I watch one donkey sex show, and you make me pay for it the rest of my life!
Charlie [to Mandi]: When Alan was eight, I convinced him he only had two weeks to live. But I suppose that tells you more about me than him.
Yeah, good times. But back to recent events--
Ooh, ooh! Remember when I told you the cat litter box was filled with almond roca? He ate four of them. [Mandi laughs]
Are we done visiting Charlie Harper's Museum of Sibling Cruelty?
So as I was leaving my ex-wife's house, I ran into your ex-husband.
Andy?
I guess.
Wait a second. It's Mandi, Andy, and Kandi?
What's your point?
No point. Mandi, Andy, Kandi. Dandy.
Hi, Alan. How are you?
About two heartbeats from a brain aneurysm.
Kandi's told me so many nice things about you.
How do you know Kandi?
She's my daughter.
Your daughter? Sweet whistlin' Geronimo! (to Charlie and Alan) You people are like a box of hamsters, just crawling all over each other!
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