Two and a Half Men · Season 3, Episode 13
Looks to be a beautiful day. Slightly overcast, but that should burn off in a few hours, leaving us with another sun-dappled afternoon in paradise.
You still drunk from last night, or did you get a fresh buzz this morning?
No, ma'am, I am quite simply high on life.
Berta [to Alan]: Blotto.
I think I might be in love with Mia.
Big deal. You've always been in love with you-a.
I've just been seeing this ballet dancer, and I think she might be the one.
Evelyn [to Alan]: Drunk?
He says no.
I think it might be one of those designer drugs. Charlie? [slowly]: What did you take?
I'm serious. We've been seeing each other for over a month, and we're waiting to sleep together until our relationship has a solid foundation.
Well, we can rule out ecstasy. That's a powerful aphrodisiac. I've heard.
Nowadays, we're supposed to say "African-American-disiac".
Hey, listen, about this "living without sex" thing, I was hoping you can give me a little advice.
Me? What would make you think of me?
Well, I figured you get laid less often than a boil-covered dwarf, am I right?
I don't have the actual statistics, but go on.
Well, you must get really frustrated. I mean, how do you stop yourself from, you know, running a red light and then taunting the cop 'til he shoots you?
Ah, good question. Uh, I found that the best thing to do is to focus on your career, uh, get a hobby, uh, become involved in community activities, and at the end of the day, if you have any energy left, find a quiet space and yank it like a monkey in a mango tree.
You know, on a counter-programming note, the Lakers are playing Miami tonight.
Would you rather watch that?
No, no, this is fine. Of course, I don't have a $500 bet down on the ballet.
Mia[about Kandi]: Go back with your bimbo.
You wanna go upstairs?
Not right now.
Oh, please don't tell me you got somebody in your room?
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