Two and a Half Men · Season 2, Episode 9
So, what are you doing for dinner?
You're shameless.
Thank you.
It's not a compliment.
Whatever. What are you doing for dinner?
Charlie, a lot has changed.
I know. I'm older and wiser, and you're hot and on the rebound!
I'm sorry, are we done with what's bothering me?
I am.
It's like talking to a horny chimp.
Is there anything in your shower I need to know about?
Come on. That's the most action you've had in months!
I have a loose tooth.
Can't you just be happy for me? The woman I love is back in my life!
That's great. I'm thrilled. I can't eat apples.
I'll bring you back some applesauce from Lisa's. Her kid needs to lay off the fiber, anyway.
Charlie [through the baby monitor]: OK, let's take this thing [diaper] off. Oh, sweet Lord! Did you have Thai food for dinner or what? Man, Babe Ruth took smaller dumps!
Hey, what's that, uh, splattered all over your shirt?
Coffee and breast milk.
What happened, did Starbucks merge with Hooters? "Hooterbucks." I'd like a double D-cup latte, please.
Not that it's any of my business but what in hell happened in your brother's bathroom?
Dad was wrestling on the floor with a naked lady.
The quiet ones are always the freaks.
Jake, we weren't wrestling, I just reached in to turn off the tap and she was startled. It was an honest mistake and it was completely innocent
But you admit, she was naked.
Yes but as I said, it was an honest mistake. So there's absolutely no need to tell your mother! Understand?
Yeah. I forgot you have to sign my math test.
Ok, D minus! Jake what am I gonna do with you?
Dunno.
Did you show this to your mother?
No.
Why not?
Cause I didn't catch her doing anything.
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