Sookie Stackhouse quotes from True Blood

Sookie

Warlow wants to turn me Bill. Says he's been waiting on me going on six thousand years. So now guess what? His patience is starting ware pretty thin too and he's given me an ultimatum. The only way he will agree to help you is if I agree to become his faerie-vampire bride.

Sookie

Last thing I need is anybody else dying because of me.

Lafayette

You look like a porn star with that tan and pink lipstick. You got a date?

Sookie

No. When I wear makeup, I get bigger tips.

Lafayette

[laughing] Yes, girl. Let's hear it! These damn rednecks are suckers for packaging.

Sookie

And I get even bigger tips when I act like I don't have a brain in my head. But if I don't, they're all scared of me.

Lafayette

They ain't scared of you, honey child. They're scared of what's between your legs.

Sookie

Lafayette! That's nasty talk, I won't listen to that.

Arlene

Do you even know what's between a woman's legs, Lafayette?

Lafayette

I know ever man, whether straight, gay, or George motherfuckin Bush is terrified of the pussy!

Sookie

Lafayette!

Ooh, what are we talkin about?!

Arlene

Hey, listen. Not everybody is gay, okay? Not everybody wants to have sex with you.

Lafayette

Oh, you would be surprised, Arlene. People you know... that's all I'm sayin.

Well, I don't wanna have sex with you.

Arlene

Me neither.

Lafayette

Y'all bitches don't know what you're missing. I got six gears up in these hips!

No, baby. You don't know what you're missing. You can watch it walk away. Make you wanna slap it?

Lafayette

Everybody know that. Everybody been there. John been there.

Arlene

Take these, baby. Peaches and cream.

Lafayette

I'll give you a little cocoa. Little cocoa. Ain't that right, John? Shit.

Sookie

Hi, what can I - what can I get for you tonight?

Bill

Do you have any of that synthetic bottled blood?

Sookie

No, I'm - I'm so sorry. Sam got some a year ago, but nobody ever ordered it, so it went bad. You're our first [whispers] vampire.

Bill

Am I that obvious?

Sookie

I knew the minute you came in. I can't believe nobody else around here seems to.

Bill

[referring to Sam] He does.

Sookie

Oh, don't worry about Sam, he's cool. I know for a fact he supports the vampire rights amendment.

Bill

How progressive of him.

Sookie

Well, anything else you drink?

Bill

Actually, no. But you can get me a glass of red wine, so I have a reason to be here.

Sookie

Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad you are!

Bill

Aren't you afraid to be out here alone with a hungry vampire?

Sookie

No.

Bill

Vampires often turn on those who trust them, you know. We don't have human values like you.

Sookie

A lot of humans turn on those who trust them, too. [takes out a silver chain and wraps it around her neck] I'm not a total fool.

Bill

Oh, but you have other very juicy arteries. There is one in the groin that's a particular favorite of mine.

Sookie

Hey, you just shut your nasty mouth, mister! You might be a vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady that I am!

Bill

You want to drink the blood they collected?

Sookie

[disgusted] No!

Bill

I understand it makes humans feel more healthy. Improves their sex life.

Sookie

I am as healthy as a horse, and I have no sex life to speak of, so ... you can just keep it.

Bill

You could always sell it.

Sookie

[firmly] I wouldn't touch it.

Bill

[leans in close] What are you?

Sookie

Well, I-I'm Soo-I'm Sookie Stackhouse, and I'm a waitress. What's your name?

Bill

Bill.

Sookie

[giggles] Bill? I thought it might be Antoine, or Basil, or - or like Langford, maybe. But Bill? Vampire Bill! [laughs]

Wonder how much one would charge for something like that?

Jason

A thousand bucks.

Sookie

See, now that just makes me sick.

I know. What kind of cheap woman could ever do something like that?

Sookie

No, it makes me sick that they're getting a thousand bucks to lay there and do nothing while I bust my ass for ten bucks an hour plus tips.

"This ain't your business you stupid cunt."

Sookie

"Now see that just proves how low rent you really are."

"You have any idea who you're messing with? You don't want to be on my bad side."

Sookie

"I'm not so sure you even have another side you no count back woods trash."

Sookie

[awakes to find Bill licking at her open head wound] Do I taste different from other people?

Bill

Yes. What are you?

Sookie

Well, apparently I'm not dead. What I am is telepathic. I can hear people's thoughts.

Bill

Even mine?

Sookie

No. That's why I like you so much. I can't hear you at all. You have no idea how peaceful that is after a lifetime of blah, blah, blah.

Bill

May I ask you a personal question?

Sookie

Bill, you were just licking blood out of my head. I don't think it gets much more personal than that.

Bill

There must be some people who know about your talent.

Sookie

The people closest to me. But - we never talk about it. And I do my best to stay out of their heads. Over the years, I've learned how. I figure it's kind of unethical to listen in to my family, my friends, my boss. But, they know. Other people suspect or they they think I'm psychic. Most people just think I'm crazy.

Bill

What does it sound like?

Sookie

It's sort of like a stream of consciousness. Gets weirder when people are mad or upset. Sometimes... sometimes it's just images. I should be gettin' home. [moves to sit up, looks surprised] Wow, I feel completely healed.

Bill

You are.

Sookie

Do doctors know that V juice can do this?

Bill

No, and we wanna keep it that way. I should show you to your car.

Sookie

How old are you? Am I allowed to ask that?

Bill

I was made vampire in 1865, when I was thirty human years old.

Sookie

Wow, you look older than that.

Bill

Life was harder then.

Sookie

Were you in the Civil War?

Bill

I was.

Sookie

Would you be willing to come and talk to my grandmother's club? It's mostly a bunch of old people who had family in the war. They call themselves Descendants of the Glorious Dead.

Bill

[incensed] The glorious dead? There is nothing glorious about dying in a war. A bunch of starving, freezing boys killing each other so the rich people can stay rich? Madness.

Sookie

[pause] I'm sure it was awful.

Bill

Would it make you happy if I did this?

Sookie

Oh, it would make my grandmother ecstatic.

Bill

Would it make you happy?

Sookie

Well... yes.

Bill

I'll do it then. I look forward to meeting your grandmother. When may I call on you?

Sookie

I'm off work tomorrow.

Bill

Just after dark then.

Sookie

[standing outside her house] Well, since you're here...

Sookie

What's wrong?

Bill

You have to invite me in. Otherwise, it's physically impossible for me to enter a mortal's home.

Sookie

Seriously? Well come on, try.

Bill

I-I can't. I can't even try.

Sookie

That is so weird! [playfully] Oh Bill, won't you please come in?

Bill

Thank you.

Sookie

[blocks his path] So, if I were to withdraw my invitation, would you have to leave?

Sookie

I'll have to remember that.

Sookie

You said you could glamour somebody into letting you bite them? What is that? Hypnosis?

Bill

Kinda. It's similar. All humans are susceptible to it.

Sookie

Have you done it to me?

Bill

No, and I never will.

Sookie

Really? Try it.

Bill

No. I don't feel comfortable with that.

Sookie

You chicken?

Bill

[stops walking and stares intensely into her eyes, whispers] Sookie?

Sookie

[whispers] Yes?

Bill

Can you feel my influence?

Sookie

[laughs] No! Not a bit! Sorry.

Bill

[confused] Sookie, this is very strange.

Sookie

You don't like not being able to control people, do you? That's not a very attractive trait, Bill.

Bill

Human are usually more squeamish about vampires than you are.

Sookie

Who am I to be squeamish about something out of the ordinary?

Bill

[after Malcolm and his gang have left] I'm sorry you had to witness that. Your visit was unexpected.

Sookie

What's Hep-D?

Bill

Hepatitis D is the only blood born pathogen to which we are susceptible. Malcolm must be furious.

Sookie

Hepatitis?

Bill

A mutation. Relatively harmless to humans, oddly enough.

Sookie

I've never even heard of it.

Bill

That's because we've kept it out of the media.

Sookie

And it makes you sick for a year?

Bill

No. It just makes us weak for about a month or so. The biggest danger to us from Hep-D is being captured and staked during that time.

Sookie

Yeah. You don't want your weaknesses to be public knowledge.

Bill

Precisely.

Sookie

And what the hell did you mean, "Sookie is mine"?

Bill

I was communicating to the others that you are my human and therefore I was the only one who can feed on you.

Sookie

You most certainly cannot feed on me!

Bill

Well of course I can't, Sookie. But had they known that, they'd've considered you fair game and I wouldn't have been able to stop them from attacking you. It would be three against one, and Malcolm is much older than I am and quite strong.

Sookie

And... you and Diane dated?

Bill

We had sex once, just after she was made vampire back in the late 1930's.

Sookie

What? Gross. Bill, she's so... they-they're all so mean, so ...

Bill

Evil. Yes, they are. They share a nest and when vampires live in nests, they become more cruel, more ... vicious. They become laws unto themselves. Whereas vampires such as I, who live alone, are much more likely to hang on to some semblance of our former humanity.

Sookie

[just getting home and seeing him suddenly] God damn it Bill! How many times do I have to tell you, do not do that!

Bill

I'm sorry. It wasn't intentional. I just got here. I wanted to make sure that you were safe.

Sookie

Why can't I hear your thoughts? Do you even have any thoughts?

Bill

Oh, I have thoughts... many life times of thoughts.

Sookie

So why can't I hear them?

Bill

I don't know. Perhaps it's 'cause I don't have brain waves.

Sookie

Why not?

Bill

Because I'm dead.

Sookie

No, you're not! You're standing here, talking to me.

Sookie

I think we need to stop seeing each other.

Bill

Why?!

Sookie

Because you don't breathe. You don't have any electrical whatever it is. Your friends would like nothing more than to rip my throat out and because vampires killed that preacher from the fellowship of the sun church and his wife and baby! You look me in the eye and tell me they didn't do it?

Bill

Human have killed millions upon millions in senseless wars. I do not hold you responsible for that.

Sookie

Bill, night before last I had to bury my bloody clothes because I didn't want my grandmother to find out I was almost killed, and tonight I was almost killed again! Why on earth would I continue seeing you?

Bill

Because you will never find a human man you can be yourself with.