You look like a porn star with that tan and pink lipstick. You got a date?
No. When I wear makeup, I get bigger tips.
[laughing] Yes, girl. Let's hear it! These damn rednecks are suckers for packaging.
And I get even bigger tips when I act like I don't have a brain in my head. But if I don't, they're all scared of me.
They ain't scared of you, honey child. They're scared of what's between your legs.
Lafayette! That's nasty talk, I won't listen to that.
Do you even know what's between a woman's legs, Lafayette?
I know ever man, whether straight, gay, or George motherfuckin Bush is terrified of the pussy!
DDawn
Ooh, what are we talkin about?!
Lafayette: Pussy.
Hey, listen. Not everybody is gay, okay? Not everybody wants to have sex with you.
Oh, you would be surprised, Arlene. People you know... that's all I'm sayin.
DDawn
Well, I don't wanna have sex with you.
Y'all bitches don't know what you're missing. I got six gears up in these hips!
DDawn
No, baby. You don't know what you're missing. You can watch it walk away. Make you wanna slap it?
Everybody know that. Everybody been there. John been there.
Take these, baby. Peaches and cream.
I'll give you a little cocoa. Little cocoa. Ain't that right, John? Shit.
Hi, what can I - what can I get for you tonight?
Do you have any of that synthetic bottled blood?
No, I'm - I'm so sorry. Sam got some a year ago, but nobody ever ordered it, so it went bad. You're our first [whispers] vampire.
I knew the minute you came in. I can't believe nobody else around here seems to.
[referring to Sam] He does.
Oh, don't worry about Sam, he's cool. I know for a fact he supports the vampire rights amendment.
Well, anything else you drink?
Actually, no. But you can get me a glass of red wine, so I have a reason to be here.
Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad you are!
Aren't you afraid to be out here alone with a hungry vampire?
Vampires often turn on those who trust them, you know. We don't have human values like you.
A lot of humans turn on those who trust them, too. [takes out a silver chain and wraps it around her neck] I'm not a total fool.
Oh, but you have other very juicy arteries. There is one in the groin that's a particular favorite of mine.
Hey, you just shut your nasty mouth, mister! You might be a vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady that I am!
You want to drink the blood they collected?
I understand it makes humans feel more healthy. Improves their sex life.
I am as healthy as a horse, and I have no sex life to speak of, so ... you can just keep it.
You could always sell it.
[firmly] I wouldn't touch it.
[leans in close] What are you?
Well, I-I'm Soo-I'm Sookie Stackhouse, and I'm a waitress. What's your name?
[giggles] Bill? I thought it might be Antoine, or Basil, or - or like Langford, maybe. But Bill? Vampire Bill! [laughs]
[Discussing hookers who specialize in vampires]
GGran
Wonder how much one would charge for something like that?
See, now that just makes me sick.
GGran
I know. What kind of cheap woman could ever do something like that?
No, it makes me sick that they're getting a thousand bucks to lay there and do nothing while I bust my ass for ten bucks an hour plus tips.
[Customer snaps his fingers to get Tara's attention for a drink]
Uh-uh! Do - do not snap at me. I have a name. And that name is Tara. Ain't that some fucked up shit, a black girl being named after a plantation? [laughs softly and then glares] No I don't think it's funny at all. In fact it really pisses me off that my momma was either stupid or just plain mean. Which is why you better be nice if you plan on getting a drink tonight.
Welcome to Super Save-a-Bunch.
CCustomer
Hi, I'm looking for that thick translucent plastic sheeting. The kind that they hang in front of the doors of walk in refrigerators.
Uh... We don't sell that here. You can try at Home Depot's.
CCustomer
I tried them already, they sent me here.
CCustomer
Now I cannot believe you don't have that here. Oh, I don't even know what it's called!
CCustomer
But you're supposed to have everything!
Well we don't have that stuff. That you don't even know what it's called.
CCustomer
Your website says that this is the most well stocked store in five parishes! Now, I just drove over an hour from Marthaville-
Uh-huh. Does our website have a phone number?
CCustomer
Well I suppose it does-
So it never occurred to you before you drove an hour to pick up a phone and call us to see if we stocked whatever the hell it is you're looking for?
CCustomer
Well I think that if a business chooses to classify it's self as-
Why didn't you just find it online and have it delivered to your house? Or were you just looking for an excuse to wear them ugly ass clothes?
CCustomer
I would like to speak to your manager!
Fine! WAILON! Trust me, you are not getting me fired. I am quittin. You were just the fuckin catalyst and for that I otta thank you!
CCustomer
You are a very rude young woman!
Oh this ain't rude. This is uppity. [slaps Wailon across the face] That's for pattin my ass to much! Imma get my baby daddy who just got out of prison to come and kick yo teeth in.
WWailon
Jesus Tara please don't do anything-
Oh my God! I'm not serious you pathetic racist! I don't have a baby! Damn! I know y'all have to be stupid but do you have to be that stupid? Shit! Fuck this job!
