Dartmouth Regional Vacational School? Julian, are you fucked in the head? I thought we weren't going to fucking high school. I can't go to fucking vacational school.
Rick, you're not selling hash in high school, alright? You're old enough to be a teacher in high school, Rick. Think.
Yeah, but the learning thing that you get at fucking spoken out and trying to get up in there and then you gotta...fuck.
I can't do this, man. My brain doesn't work this way. It's not college level.
This is the perfect place to sell hash. We are not gonna get caught. Everything'll be fine. Come on.
You'll do alright, Ricky.
Think about this. Think about your daughter. Think about Lucy. They're gonna be impressed with you. They're gonna be so fucking proud of you, man. Come on, let's go.
Julian, this brain barely got through fucking Grade 7. Well, Julian's been all paranoid lately with fucking Lahey and all these books he's reading, for fuck sakes. He says it's too risky for me to have a bunch of hash on me around schools that do these random searches, so he used this big smart thinking stuff to come up with this new plan where basically I just take orders for hash in the daytime, get people's locker number and combinations, then at night, we break into the school, if there's money in the lockers, we just drop the hash off there. Use the honor Lee system. And hopefully it's gonna work out good. Boys, they're not gonna let me in here. If they do, there's not a fucking chance in hell I'm gonna get a greeting card. Think about it, I'm stupid.
Rick, listen to me. Don't let school shit distract you, okay? You're here for one reason, and that's to sell drugs, okay? Stay focused, man.
There's two ways to look at it, really. Either you go to school to learn, or you go to school to sell drugs. And Ricky's here to sell drugs. I mean, maybe if it was under different circumstances he could learn something, but Julian wants him just to sell drugs. It's kind of ironic, really.
Low profile, Julian? What, are you reading books again?
What's wrong with reading books?
Nothing wrong with reading books, but there's only one book that counts. It's the Bible. It says to help your friends.
Does it say anything about you ripping off insurance companies, pretend you're in a wheelchair, then getting caught drunk dancing with hos making porn flicks?
It's open to interpretation, Julian. It's the Bible.
You know what a shit barometer is, Bubs?
Measures the shit pressure in the air. You can feel it. Listen, Bubs. Hear that? Sounds of the whispering winds of shit.
What the fuck are you going on about?
No, I don't hear anything.
Oh, but you will, my sorry little friend, when the ol' shit barometer rises, and you'll feel it too. Your ears will implode from the shit pressure. You were warned, Bubs. But you picked the wrong side. Beware, my friend. Shit winds are a-comin'.
What if we drove down midnight pass road?
No, man. If we go up this way, we stop at Mimar's Arcade right there.
What the fuck? Do one of you idiots mind telling why there's only 10 fuckin' carts left in that truck instead of 20?
Yeah, we had to move 10 off.
Oh, you moved 10 off. Did you hear that, Julian? Precious little Cory and Trevor fucked up and took 10 carts off the goddamn load!
Your order's for 10 carts, Rick. You fucked up.
What the fuck are you lookin' at, Trevor?
Fucked up, Ricky. You know what else? You're wearing the same dirty clothes since you got out of jail. Fuck up, man.
What did you just say to me?
I'm not gonna say "who's there", man.
You just did, you fuckin' idiot.
[Ricky rips Trevor's pants]
[Julian gets out of the car]
Boys! Boys! We're supposed to be workin' like a team here! You wanna be on the winning team that makes a shitload of money, or do you wanna be on the losing team that goes to jail, huh? Apologize to him!
I'm not apologizing to him.
Cory, move. Apologize to him.
I'm sorry I ripped your pants off, Trevor.
It's alright, Ricky. Shit happens, man.
Do you want your pocket back, Trevor?
Here's some gas money. Cory, get over here. Gas money, and here's twenty for a new pair of pants.
Alright, no speeding. Put on your seatbelts. Don't fuck around.
Ricky, you ripped his fuckin' pants right off.
I don't know what happened. I'm just so stressed out lately. I fucked up. He was fuckin' standin' up to me though. He better watch himself or he's gonna lose a fuckin' friend. I'll tell you that.
Randy, I got $100 here for groceries, I got $1,400 here for liquor, and I got $6,000 for you to go and bail out a couple of shit puppets. We might need a couple of more shit puppets for our play, and they gotta be angry shit puppets, Randy. And you gotta make em angry shit puppets, and you say whatever it takes to make them angry, but they're not angry at us, Randy. Shit puppets are supposed to be angry at other shit puppets... take the bus.
Mr. Lahey, they could kill one another.
Yeah, but we can't be involved with murder.
Mr. Lahey, is this you talking, or the liquor?
[Jim takes a big sip out of his liquor bottle]
[Sam gets out of the pick-up truck]
SSam
Hey Randy, do you wanna sign this so I can get started, please?
SSam
It's a purchase order.
I didn't call to have the park paved.
SSam
I got an emergency call to get down here and pave the park right away. Sign it so I can get started.
I didn't do it, Sam. I didn't call ya.
SSam
Fuck, there's your name, Randy Bo Bandy. Now sign it so I can get started.
He said he didn't call, Sam!
Bo Bandy? I didn't call. I didn't call.
SSam
Once I start that truck, I'm on the fucking clock, okay? So sign it so I can get started.
I'm not signing shit! Why don't you go back and pave your cave, ya fuckin' caveman?
SSam
The fuck did you call me?
Well...you are a caveman, Sam.
SSam
Listen Burger Boy, you fuckin' pay me right now! You pay me right now! You fuckin' pay me right now!
[Randy and Sam fight each other]
TTed
Alright. You guys are under arrest for breach of the peace.
[The cops arrest Randy and Sam]
SSam
Motherfuckers, every time I come down here!
TTed
I gotta deal with you here, Randy.
Ted, this is bullshit! I was just trying to have a nice cheeseburger picnic and it got all fucked up! SON OF A BITCH! FOR FUCK'S SAKES! THIS IS FUCKIN' BULLSHIT!
[Ted opens the back door, puts Randy in the police car and closes the back door]
Halloween 1977, Jules. You remember, don't you, Bubbles? Yo, what's at work here? It's the shit-tectonics. When two shit-plates strike, and come together under incredible pressure, what happens, Bubbles?
Shit quake. May the Force be with you, gentlemen. And may I be with the Force.
I remember Halloween 1977 like it was yesterday. I remember everything about that night.
Well, I didn't even smoke dope back in '77, so I can tell you exactly what happened on Halloween.
I remember Halloween 1977 perfectly.
We dressed up as people from Star Wars, and I remember Julian copied off me. I don't even remember what I dressed up as, Luke Skywalker or Dark Vader or something, but Julian copied off me. Bubbles was the gold guy, I remember that.
Had my C-3P0 outfit on. I remember the way the moon was gleamin' off the gold. I just wanted to get candy and Julian was on the liquor. I mean, we were only kids, but he was still drivin' liquor into him.
Then we see Lahey coming home. He just got off duty. Parked his car, got out. Ricky decides he wants to fuck over his cop car.
Bubbles or Julian, I can't remember which one. It was probably Julian, but I think it was Bubbles, said, "Let's go mess around with his cop car over here."
Julian had the idea, he wanted to get into some 'mischief', I remember is what he called it. And he wanted to go push Lahey's car, put it out of gear and see where it would roll to.
They put the car out of gear and started pushing it.
Put it out of gear and off it went, and it picked up way more speed than they thought it would, and it crashed right into a fuckin' trailer. I remember thinking, "Oh my God, now we did it."
And Lahey, he was a cop back then, it was his car, he ran out. All he wanted was to take Julian's liquor, 'cause Julian was drinking big time back then. Julian fought him for it, liquor went up, got spilled all over Lahey and his uniform. He finally got the liquor, got back to his car and was trying to get car unstuck from the trailer in reverse, and liquor spilled all over his crotch.
Next thing you know, George Green shows up, he was Lahey's partner.
He's the stupidest cop there is and he thought Lahey was drunk, pissed himself. It did look like he was drunk and pissed himself, but he wasn't drunk. I don't think he even pissed himself at all, so it was a misunderstanding.
He started saying, "Now listen, George, this isn't what it looks like", and George told him he was drunk, and as they started arguing, all that did is make Lahey look more drunk and crazy than he actually was back then. And next thing, Lahey's under arrest and it was our fault.
It came down to two choices, and Lahey, well, he resigned. I just can't believe that Julian and Bubbles, they--they ruined Mr. Lahey's life.
He lost his career, he lost his marriage, went down the tubes and he lost his mind.
Mr. Lahey used to be nice back then, and we turned him into a drunk, crazy lunatic.
Ricky [while hiding behind Phil during the shoot-out with Sam] Sam, you're fucking losing it, bud. Take off your sunglasses and look at the goddamn situation here. I have a human house! Go ahead, you can't even fucking shoot me, you see that?
