[during the news]
My daughter is five years old, she loves cleaning the car with me. We share it.
Oh, do you live in a yoghurt commercial?
S8 E3May 21st, 2006
Look, anyone who washes their car has a small mind, or is in an unhappy marriage!
[during the news]
[Talking about digital displays on the sides of roads] Those displays aren't always true, like the microwave in my mate's kitchen. It says "Enjoy your meal" when you get something out. But I won't if it's my pants...
[The other two start ridiculing him for supposedly having no pants on in his mate's kitchen]
[during the news]
The only thing I keep in my car is a little paintbrush for cleaning dust out of the switches.
You're scaring me, mate...
And I always like to have the air vents lined up so they're really completely symmetrical.
Stop talking now!
And if anybody moves them... I get really angry.
(to Jeremy) Does genuinely scare me.
[during the news, while talking about Top Gear Dog's new "doggles"]
Those aren't doggles, they're goggles with the G crossed out and replaced with a D.
[still during the news]
Now, we get loads of...er, letters on this show, very angry ones from people who say we don't do enough, em, affordable cars, you know, family cars. One particularly angry caller last week rang the BBC duty log saying we were a disgrace, well, Mr. Needham, check this out...[a picture of the Vauxhall Corsa appears on the TV screen] That is the new Vauxhall Corsa! [3 seconds later] And, er, moving on now...[audience dissolves into laughter]
[During the Cool Wall, talking about the Koenigsegg CCX.]
If you go though the Pearly Gates, backwards, in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!
I love that vision of just blasting through the gates, backwards, in a flaming Swedish supercar! "Yes! I'm here! Where are the women?"
(about a Ford Mustang going head-to-head against a Lotus Exige S) "It's got a 4.6 litre 300bhp V8 at the front, rear-wheel drive at the back, and a Stig in the middle."
(about the Exige S, a few seconds later) "And he's lined up alongside a plastic car that was made by some Norfolk turnip farmers, which is being driven by a fat bloke with a dicky hip."
(the start of the Exige S Power Lap) "Slingshot acceleration, thanks to those semi-slick tires and the fact that this doesn't weigh anything..."
S8 E4May 28th, 2006
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: I investigate some new in-car dogging technology. Richard races a man dressed as a squirrel. And with a wing and a prayer, the Koenigsegg is back on our track.
[on the Stig]
Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[hearing a bang as he drives a Porsche Cayenne Turbo S]
Ow! Oh, that sounded expensive.
[to the guest French fashion designer, who complained about his eating habits]
What's the matter with chips with vinegar on them?
I'm gonna have to explain all this to my nine-year-old boy. [makes a face] Who's ten, I've just remembered!
[to the Mercedes S-Class onboard computer] Station: Radio 2. [It retunes to Radio 2] And it goes to Radio 2. Or, Station: absolute rubbish. [It retunes to Radio 1] Look! Radio 1! It knows! How brilliant's that?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.