[While driving the Range Rover Sport through muddy waters]
I feel like I'm driving a luxury hotel room through a swamp.
S20 E6August 4th, 2013
[Comparing the larger Range Rover with the smaller Range Rover Sport]
This is bigger, and bigger, as we know, is always better than smaller.
Well, not always, not in … Not in bruises, it's not.
Not bruises, no. Premium Bond wins.
Heart attacks.
Erm … Fireworks.
Unexpected bills.
Ladies, can you think of anything which is better when it's bigger than smaller? [laughter]
[On Mark Webber's departure from Formula 1]
So are you going to miss your teammate?
MWMark Webber
Am I going to miss Seb? Probably not a huge amount, no. In a competitive environment, there's always going to be a bit of needle. There's a lot of history between us two, obviously, that's gone before.
Did it start in Malaysia when he suddenly lost the ability to steer? It was basically "Don't overtake Mark", and then he heard everything apart from the "don't". I mean, you're an Aussie. Have you never felt tempted to … [showing his fist] "This is for Gallipoli, blam!"
MWMark Webber
A lot of people are saying yes. I'm a bit concerned. My dad always says, "You shouldn't hit boys, mate", so … [laughter]
Huh Huh huh... very funny.
S21 E1February 2nd, 2014
[After the Supermarket Sweep with classic hothatches challenge, Jeremy's car needed repairs]
Yes, the handling characteristics were affected by a small accident last night with some beef stew.
Oh, dear.
I hit the bottom of the wheel and it's gone in. But you can solve it — [hitting the wheel bracket with a hammer]
Yes, I've seen that done. Most F1 teams do something similar. [laughs]
[While being chased by the Top Gear Police Department for a challenge]
Recent figures say that in London, 12 police cars are crashed every day. And the reason is, it's because they are driving in high-energy difficult situations while under the influence … of the moustache.
[chasing Jeremy in a police car] Got a moustache, got a moustache, got a moustache. [fails to corner several scenes later]
Oh, he's lost it! Totally distracted by his face decoration.
S21 E2February 9th, 2014
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, two swans move their heads about, I eat a shoe and James says he's not fat.
I'm not fat.
[While chasing the Alfa Romeo 4C across Lake Como on a Gibbs Quadski]
I know exactly what music we have to play now.
[Sailing by Rod Steward is played]
No, not that! Cue the Bond!
[James Bond Theme by Monty Norman is played]
[On motorway message boards saying things like "Check your fuel level"]
Well, anyway, the committee that decides on what messages flashed up - and it is a committee, we checked - has been told to stop doing that sort of thing, OK, because the government says it's distracting. But it isn't distracting, it's irritating. Scarlett Johansson in a short skirt on a windy day on a motorway bridge, that is distracting. That would be. It's distracting now.
[While introducing the McLaren P1 film]
Now, this is the brand-new £866,000 McLaren P1, probably the most advanced and jaw-dropping car the world has ever seen.
Hmm. The attention to detail in this thing boggles the mind. It is … It's almost science fiction. And so, there was only one place on Earth where I could test it properly. Belgium. [laughter]
[On McLaren P1's interiors]
But it was not what you'd call luxurious. It is, frankly, as well equipped as a pair of monk's underpants. And that's because, like the Alfa we saw earlier, this car was designed to be as fat as Iggy Pop.
And what I find hysterical about that is that McLaren has taken this hybrid technology, which is designed to reduce the impact of the internal combustion engine and is using it to increase the impact. That's like weaponising a wind farm. Or buying the Rainbow Warrior and turning it into an oil tanker.
[On Richard siding the Porsche 918 vs. Jeremy siding the McLaren P1]
Hammond, I'll do you a deal. If the Porsche is faster round our track than this, I will change my name, by deed poll, to Jennifer.
Really?
Yes.
Promise?
Yes.
S21 E3February 16th, 2014
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, I eat a cabbage, James throws a bird out of a car and Richard forgets the abbreviation for America.
USB.
[After Jeremy's film on the Zenvo STI, which ended with the car catching fire]
How much is this thing?
How much? …£800,000.
[surprised tone] 800?!
Yes.
Are there any upsides to it?
Uh, upsides, yes. The fire did get rid of the condensation in the lights. [laughter]
Apart from the fire?
Apart from the fire… Yes, it's surprisingly comfortable and very quiet.
Well, it would be quiet. It was broken.
[On The Stig]
Some say that this week he is wearing two layers of Nomex. [slow-building laughter] And that on a recent trip to Cornwall, he stopped off for one of his special big wees in Somerset. [laughter] All we know is he's called The Stig!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.