TV show quotes
How's it go?
[quoting The Charge of the Light Brigade by Alfred, Lord Tennyson] "Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die."
"Into the valley of Death rode the six hundred."
And that is the valley.
That is where the Charge of the Light Brigade actually happened.
[On James Blunt's best comebacks on Twitter]
Don't they take a long time to think of?
I would say I'm spontaneous with it, but I might be lying.
Somebody said here, [reading] "Why have you only got 200,000 followers?" And you replied, "Jesus only needed 12." [laughter] You've got to admit… they are properly very funny. [reading] "James Blunt has an annoying face and a highly irritating voice." You went, "Yes, and no mortgage "
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, I sit on a rock, James gets something in his eye.
Ow!
And Richard says, "Mummy!".
Oh, Mummy!
[After Jeremy and Richard ridiculed James for his review of Caterham 160 and Superlight 620R]
Have you quite finished?
Well, not really because there's a lot to go through but, sadly, we must now find out how fast these cars go round our track and that, of course, means handing them over to a man who can actually drive.
[On The Stig]
Some say that he once put Helen Mirren in a dishwasher. And that at the Winter Olympics he was disqualified from the skeleton event for riding down the hill on an actual skeleton. All we know is he's called The Stig!
[While driving the Touring Disco Volante]
[voiceover] So, it doesn't feel like an 8C. And it certainly doesn't sound like one either.
Oh, it's the most… soulful-sounding car I think I've ever heard. It's as though the entire exhaust system is actually made out of Otis Redding.
[On the Touring Disco Volante's high price]
And what's amazing is that, in Singapore, you're not allowed to drive a left-hand drive car on the road. So he's paid £1.5 million for a car he can't drive.
He's completely mad.
He isn't — somebody's just paid, what, £42 million for a Francis Bacon painting. You can't drive that, either. [laughter]
It's not a car.
James, I haven't got time for your pedantry.
[After The Stig gets in a Nissan GT-R to pull tablecloth off a table]
Hold on a minute.
Yes, what?
So you are saying, he is going to drive across our darkened studio, peering through his darkened visor?
Yes.
Is this how this Stig dies? [laughter]
Has he done a book?
No, he hasn't. Right, is he ready?
[During the opening sequence]
[voice over] Tonight, Richard opens a glove box, James pulls a face, and I ask an important question. [spoken on camera] Have you ever put toothpaste on your testicles?
[On The Stig]
Some say that his hair is the exact same shape as a hat. And that if he worked for CNN… [rubs his hands together as the audience laughs] …he wouldn't get such pitifully low ratings that his show got cancelled. [loud laughter and applause as Jeremy smiles broadly]
[In the Porsche 918 Spyder]
McLaren have used hybrid technology to liven up a supercar today. Porsche have used hybrid technology to save the supercar for tomorrow. This is an important car.
[On The Stig]
Some say that his favourite football formation is 8-8-19, and that while we were off-air his iCloud was hacked and now everyone in the world has seen his helmet. All we know is he's called The Stig!
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, I move my eyes, Richard vandalizes the road.
There you go.
and James says cow.
Cows!
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, Richard drives a van, I drive an old brown Porsche and James uses a telephone
[during the rescue sequence]
You're in good shape lad, I can take care of you
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, a BMW i8 full track in Yorkshire, the queen of Hollywood on our track, and a pointless thing about old Land Rovers.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
