[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, two swans move their heads about, I eat a shoe and James says he's not fat.
I'm not fat.
“February 9th, 2014” · Season 21, Episode 2
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (7), Richard Hammond (2), James May (1)
[While chasing the Alfa Romeo 4C across Lake Como on a Gibbs Quadski]
I know exactly what music we have to play now.
[Sailing by Rod Steward is played]
No, not that! Cue the Bond!
[James Bond Theme by Monty Norman is played]
[On motorway message boards saying things like "Check your fuel level"]
Well, anyway, the committee that decides on what messages flashed up - and it is a committee, we checked - has been told to stop doing that sort of thing, OK, because the government says it's distracting. But it isn't distracting, it's irritating. Scarlett Johansson in a short skirt on a windy day on a motorway bridge, that is distracting. That would be. It's distracting now.
[While introducing the McLaren P1 film]
Now, this is the brand-new £866,000 McLaren P1, probably the most advanced and jaw-dropping car the world has ever seen.
Hmm. The attention to detail in this thing boggles the mind. It is … It's almost science fiction. And so, there was only one place on Earth where I could test it properly. Belgium. [laughter]
[On McLaren P1's interiors]
But it was not what you'd call luxurious. It is, frankly, as well equipped as a pair of monk's underpants. And that's because, like the Alfa we saw earlier, this car was designed to be as fat as Iggy Pop.
And what I find hysterical about that is that McLaren has taken this hybrid technology, which is designed to reduce the impact of the internal combustion engine and is using it to increase the impact. That's like weaponising a wind farm. Or buying the Rainbow Warrior and turning it into an oil tanker.
[On Richard siding the Porsche 918 vs. Jeremy siding the McLaren P1]
Hammond, I'll do you a deal. If the Porsche is faster round our track than this, I will change my name, by deed poll, to Jennifer.
Really?
Yes.
Promise?
Yes.
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