A character in Top Gear
Played by James May
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Top Gear: in 559 of its 1,774 quotes
Most scenes with: Jeremy Clarkson (323), Richard Hammond (261)
James[before the Fiat 500 vs. BMX race in Budapest, James talks about his competition, a pair of BMX cyclists] These wasters just ride around all day like those kids in the ET film. So to borrow the phrase from the ancient philosopher Clarksonius, 4th Century BC: "How hard can it be?"
James[after losing to the cyclists at Budapest] Oh, cock! In Hungarian.
[on the old Jaguar S-Type]
JamesYou see, Mr. Jonathan Foreigner has this ridiculously outdated view of what Britain is. He thinks we all live in Anne Hathaway's cottage and then go out to Ye Olde Tea Rooms where we eat some Kendal mint cake. And then maybe we'll go out and find a red phone box and ring up some Beefeaters at the Tower of London to see if we can have our bowler hats back. It's rubbish!
[Nominees for the 'Lifetime Achievement Award']
JamesKen Livingstone for deciding that if you earn a living and pay tax and spend some of what's left on a car; and then pay Value Added Tax on that, and then buy some Road Fund Licence Tax to put the car on the road, and then pay Fuel Duty Tax on the fuel and Value added tax on that Fuel Duty tax, You should then pay 25 pounds - TAX! - to drive into the centre of the capital.
JamesThere's a very good sign near where I live, actually, that says "Changed Priorities Ahead". And it's absolutely right, 'cause I was driving down there the other day and I thought to myself, "I'll work harder and pay my mortgage off and be secure in my old age," and then I went past the sign and after another 10 or 20 yards I thought, "No, I'm gonna go to the pub."
[During Top Gear Stuntman's first record attempt to jump cars in reverse]
JamesIf you've just tuned in, you may be thinking, 'Oh no, he's facing the wrong way!'. But no, he is about to enter the history books...in reverse.
[Showing the slogan painted on his Lexus Police Car]
JamesCatching crims and locking them up...in your community.
[upon Jeremy's arrival with his car's Italian-inspired police livery]
JamesOh, good God. The Carabinieri have arrived.
(N.B. Jeremy's car's paint scheme was actually based on that of the Italian State Police, not the Carabinieri - although real Polizia di Stato cars presumably don't say "IT'S THE FILTH" in reversed letters, "ECNALUBMA"-style, on the bonnets.)
JamesAll you're going to do with this [indicates Jeremy's rear-wheel spike attachments] is generate headlines: "POLICE CHOP MORE PEOPLE'S FEET OFF".
[[as the Stig begins a lap in a standard-issue police Astra]
JamesHe's proceeding! In a westerly direction.
JamesHope you like prison food, crims... looking good... cock!
[on the equipment of their classic luxury cars]
Jeremy (standing in front of the Mercedes' boot): Are you ready for this?
James (bored): Yes...
Jeremy (pushes a button and the bootlid closes, makes triumphant gesture)
JamesThat's brilliant actually, I have to concede that, because what I've always found really difficult is this [opens and closes the bootlid of his Rolls-Royce easily].
[after several failed attempts, Jeremy and James head to a multi-story to park their cars]
James[voiceover] This was great. They take your money, however it comes and in return, you get spaces.
[Jeremy reverses into a parking space]
[While test driving the Mitsuoka Orochi]
James[voiceover] It costs forty-four thousand pounds and it's made by a company called Mitsuoka.
JamesYou've probably never heard of them either, but they are a proper, Japanese car maker. In fact, they're the tenth biggest car maker in the country, after Toyota, Nissan, Honda and six others.
JamesIt's a gravel trap designed to stop Formula One cars. How on earth do you think it's not going to stop a Jaguar with a Metro on the roof?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
