[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Can an Austin Allegro fly? Can we solve the fuel crisis? And making a better police car: How hard can it be?
“June 22nd, 2008” · Season 11, Episode 1
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (25), James May (14), Richard Hammond (12)
We had a letter from the BBC, and they said what with petrol being £5.50 and all the rest of it, what we should actually be doing is giving some advice on... fuel economy and... saving money!
Yeah. Unfortunately, that letter was opened, by him. [points at Clarkson]
Yes. And I decided the best thing we could do was gather five supercars together and have a race!
[on the sound of the McLaren's engine]
That is the sound of money exploding!
[on the Audi R8]
So, a Top Gear Top Tip: if you've been affected by the fuel crisis, this is the supercar to buy!
Yes, but the thing is the BBC saw that film and they said we'd been stupid. And they said we had to do something for...the normal person. And, well, [points at Clarkson] it was 'im again...
[Jeremy has suggested that they steal a fuel tanker]
Put it in here, Google Earth'll never spot it. Honestly, 'cause if you think about it, 50,000 litres... [gets out a calculator and starts figuring]
That's a lot.
... of fuel, OK... That would be enough to get your Mustang... [continues calculating] ... home!
Brilliant! Well, to Guildford.
There's a very good sign near where I live, actually, that says "Changed Priorities Ahead". And it's absolutely right, 'cause I was driving down there the other day and I thought to myself, "I'll work harder and pay my mortgage off and be secure in my old age," and then I went past the sign and after another 10 or 20 yards I thought, "No, I'm gonna go to the pub."
No, seriously, if you go to Korea, don't order a cauliflower cheese, because it won't be what you think.
[on the Hyundai Genesis]
Anyway, this is called the Genesis, all right? Which probably means that in a couple of years the front'll leave and Phil Collins'll move in there instead.
No, actually, strictly speaking, Phil Collins will come round from the back to take place at the front.
Oh, leaving Chester Thompson at the back.
Yeah, exactly, and then occasionally Phil Collins will have to go back to the back with Chester Thompson...
Yes.
I don't know what you two are saying now.
No, it's got a V6 engine, 3.8 litres, and in between the bank you've got a 25-minute keyboard solo.
[looking baffled] You're using words but it means nothing.
Would you rather it were called the Hyundai Westlife?
Yeah, all right. Thank you.
The Hyundai Girls Aloud, Hammond Edition.
[after Richard has compared the Tata Nano to Pikachu]
Is that a punkawallah?
Pokémon.
I meant that.
[During the news]
Listen, while we were off the air, okay, I had a look on the Internet and this was on it.
Whoa! Bird's view...(inarticulate noise)
[crowd laughs]
Hey, great news!
What?
The Dacia Sandero is almost here.
When?
Next year!
Great! [quickly] Now, the Toyota Urban Cruiser.
[On the Toyota Urban Cruiser]
That is the stupidest name I've ever heard of. 'Cause forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't an urban cruiser someone who wears a mac and isn't allowed within 200 yards of a primary school?
They may not have thought that through.
They haven't. I mean, that's not going to work as a school run car if the police arrest it every time it goes near the gate.
[On the Ferrari F430 Scuderia]
I'm doing this road test all wrong, cause I'm mocking all this technology. And that's not really fair. It's not like Ferrari aftershave...this is what a Ferrari should be like. [Thick Italian accent] "You make mistake, I kill."
[On The Stig]
Some say that after making love, he bites the head off his partner. And that he's had to give up binge drinking now that it's gone to one pound eighteen to a litre. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.