James May quotes from Top Gear

James

[Testing the Chrysler 300C on the beach] Stop interfering, you piece of... cheap electronic tat!

James

Bill Bryson. Well, I think that man is a danger, frankly. If there is one thing I can't stand it's beardy, sanctimonious, patronising Americans in tartan trousers coming to England and trying to persuade us to turn into a museum. He wants the East End for the cheeky Cockney chaps pushing wheelbarrows full of eels and he wants northernists to be industrialists with big braces and blokes dying of consumption - Good morning Bill, I've got the consumption, it's tradition alright. I say Bill, if you're watching - OK, now you won't be watching because we're not talking about steam engines or longboats or bear-baiting - but IF you've happened to tune in by mistake: We're not interested in your views of stupid Americans who come over here with their big video cameras saying Gee, I love your history, it's just so old. SOD OFF!

James

[to a pizzaboy at night in the woods] I suppose you are the headless pizzaboy of the apocalypse, are you?

James

"41-year-old man with sensitive hair" [May is interrupted at this point by Clarkson and the audience's reaction but resumes] "drives Porsche 944 luxe, seeks brewery heiress or similar, must have liberal attitude to motorcycle components in the bath."

James

Meet the new Boxster, same as the old Boxster.

James

This is a bargain. The best we ever had!

James

The problem is, where as other muscle cars like the Charger had the good grace to die young, the Mustang lives on.

James

They are a bunch of treacherous, lamb-burning, work-shy peasants.

James

France is a country you have to drive through to get to Italy. That's all it's for.

James

[to Richard] You're wearing tights. I can't take lectures on physics from a man in tights. Dancing, yes. Physics, no.

James

Permission to say 'cock' for the second time this y... I've even abandoned my luggage!

James

[while on the train, updating Jeremy's position] Jeremy, I've just calculated, is about here [points on map, east of Dijon] at the side of the road, talking to a gendarme. But, in a few hours' time, he'll be up here [points to centre of Paris] in a place called Le Bastille. [Richard nearly spit-takes]

James

It costs £9,400. For that you get... well, it's like a car really, only not quite as good. [Commenting on the Hyundai Accent 1.5 Diesel]

James

If you've got the brochure on the Hyundai Accent on your coffee table, can I implore you please, not to do it. Buy a Fiesta, buy a second-hand Golf, go on holiday. Don't do it! [Commenting on the Hyundai Accent 1.5L diesel]

James

Door ball! That's not allowed!

James

Would the Element be a car for people who like hip-hop, or for people waiting for a hip-op?