[voiceover] With our weight-shedding completed, I went to ask James about his suspension...which was a mistake.
James
The springs are stiffer and the dampers can be adjusted so that the rate of compression and rebound changes. That helps, if you alter that very very finely, you can keep the tire in contact with the road more of the time. The instant the weight goes off or the tire bounces up, you lose grip, which will lower your cornering speed, and we know that cars are faster wh-[Clarkson starts to walk away] You asked!
But whenever I see them -- those women driving those cars -- I really do want to stop them and just ask, I want to beg why? Tell me why did you buy that because it's an expensive car.
It's like getting every travel brochure, choosing your summer holidays next summer--a hundred and eighty countries you could go to and saying Yes, Germany. Not Mauritius--not Mauritius, Dortmund is where I want to go.
What gets me is, who's going to say of this, "No, no, I don't want the Maserati Quattroporte or, what, you know that four-door Lamborghini we had in the studio last week, do you remember? Who's going to say, "No, I want this instead"? That's like being offered the choice of marrying two women, one of them unkind and ugly, and the other beautiful with a heart of gold, and saying, "No, I want the brutal minger."
And now the news. And it's great news, ladies and gentlemen! It's news to warm the hearts of nations: Jeremy Clarkson has lost his voice! [Audience cheers and applauds]
Mate, sorry. I know, imagine how we feel. They're gutted mate, they're gutted. But the good news is that means we can talk about whatever we like and say what we like.
Oh, so you like - you need more saliva? Well ladies and gentlemen I have no doubt we can oblige with that! How do you know it's synthetic and it isn't just some bloke... [Imitates spitting into a bottle] Bottle it!
What, going around at five thousand RPM, be going rrrrr...! It would have to be this... [holds out arms] be wider than the car just to get the dial in!
James
Well, I worked it out for my old Porsche, actually.
You worked that out? For -- your -- car? You spent time -- WOW! So you must actually have done everything there is to do in the whole world to get to the bottom of the list of everything a human being can do -- what's it like on the top of Everest? Is it good?
Now - every week on Top Gear we get a stack of letters. But this week one in particular caught our eye. It's from a Mister Needham and it says "Why do you not test cars properly any more? Have you forgotten how?".
James
Now this really hurt us, so we decided to take the new Ford Fiesta and do a proper road test. Like they used to on Top Gear in the old days.
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
James
