Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Tonight: Thora Hird's wardrobe on our track; Richard gets whacked with 800,000 volts; and we take three cars to the birthplace of British speed.

Jeremy

Tonight: We ask, can you run a car on a poo?; Have the Americans made something which can go round corners?; And the 'new' Jaguar XJS, is it any good?

Jeremy

There are shanty towns in South Africa that are built better than Renaults!

Jeremy

Tonight: James and Richard try their hand at minicabbing; I drive a smoking jacket from Holland; and our Reasonably-Priced Car says Hello!... to Lionel Richie.

Jeremy

Look at this horn, it's not the sort of aggressive thing you get on an Italian car, that "Errrrr!!! Get out of my way, earthling!" horn. It's more... a thing you use to attract the attention of other people in your tax haven. Morning Valentino! [waves and honks the horn]

Jeremy

Tonight: Richard says goodbye to a motoring icon; The fastest car in the world comes to our track; And how good is the Citroën 2CV in a crosswind?

Jeremy

Tonight: James and Richard take some cabrios to the wilds of Scotland; I go skiing on the B4796; And can you parachute into a moving car?

Jeremy

Tonight: James tries to get a sofa in a Volvo estate; The Hamster goes to see the 'Vette; And I go off road in a BMW that can't.

Jeremy

And if you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.

Jeremy

Tonight: just the thing for an already confused world, another Porsche 911; we get sand in the trunks of 3 muscle cars; and how many bouncy castles can you jump in an ice-cream van?

Jeremy

(About the Porsche 996) "[...] it wasn't so much a car, more a place where a fat, balding, middle-aged man could go off and have his mid-life crisis... I liked it a lot!"

Jeremy

[On the Porsche 997 Carrera] So to sum up. The new Carrera is pretty much the same as old one except the gear lever comes off. This, however, is not a standard Carrera. This is a Carrera S. And the S stands for: So, fat, balding, middle-aged man, go and have your mid-life crisis somewhere else.

Jeremy

[On the Porsche 911 range] "And then the 3.8 S with the chrono sport pack, for thin, chiselled-jawed people who have no friends. Like the Stig, for instance!"

Jeremy

"The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won't let me turn the traction control off!"

Jeremy

It comes in a jerrycan of repressed homosexuality.