[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Thora Hird's wardrobe on our track; Richard gets whacked with 800,000 volts; and we take three cars to the birthplace of British speed.
“May 30th, 2004” · Season 4, Episode 5
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (5), Richard Hammond (5), James May (2)
I actually took a photograph of these two [Richard and James] just after they'd arrived.
Ah.
Would you like to see it?
AAudience
Yes!
Put, put it up.
[audience laughs at photo of Richard and James in motorcycling leathers]
Granted, that's not how we looked in our minds.
[singing] It's fun to stay at the YMCA, it's fun to stay at the Y...
But that's an illustration of why we don't want to wear crash helmets. You will kill yourself; but at least when they lay you out at your funeral you won't have helmet hair.
I suppose you could all dress up as red Indians and construction workers, that's another option.
What you don't know is that we do.
Something I've just thought about though is, that car's got an extra five inches in it so that ou get better rear leg room, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why don't they just make them all that long? Because you don't buy a jag because you want a small car, do you?
(somewhat meekly) Some of us don't need leg room.
This is from Mistress Goth, from the e-mail and she wants you to be her dungeon bitch. (Audience laughs) I'm not joking. Dungeon bitch.
(stammers and looks uncomfortable)
(interrupting) She says, no, no, she says that you won't have to walk around on your knees because he's so short he'd be a perfect foot rest.
Again, I'm thinking no.
Okay, well, just before you make your mind up we've got a photograph. We've actually went onto our website and here's the picture.
Oh my! She is a sturty girl, isn't she?
If she's looking for a hat stand I'm available.
[discussing the death of J.G. Parry-Thomas at "the birthplace of British speed"]
Getting back to this head coming off business...
Yeah.
Presumably what happened was the car, what, dug in, flipped, rolled...
Several times.
Head came off.
Yeah.
Couldn't the same thing happen to us?
Ooh, I shouldn't think so.
Right.
[sitting in a rented VW Golf in Germany, waiting to be struck by artificial lightning]
My life is now in the hands of A-level physics.
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