Ken(flashback) Hey, it was just a bad call. Bad call on your part! I cheated on my last wife with you! What did you think was going to happen? Caveat emptor, baby! Great ass.
S1 E4 The Breakup
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Played by Stacy Keach
Titus · 132 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Titus: in 36 of its 132 quotes
Most scenes with: Titus (15), Erin Fitzpatrick (2), Christopher Titus (2)
Lines by Ken Titus 8
KenKen TitusI hear Looney Tunes made dinner... I'm surprised. Usually, the turkey is saying such threatening things to her, she can't get close enough to cook it.
S1 E7 Mom's Not Nuts
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[As a practical joke, Titus has convinced hospital staffers to shave Ken's testicles.]
KenI look like a nine year-old boy.
S1 E9 Episode Eleven
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[After Ken's arrest for DWI, which occurred while he was driving his newly-customized pickup truck.]
KenYou built me a cop magnet! I might as well be a black guy driving a large powdered doughnut!
S2 E4 What's Up Hollywood?
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KenOh, by the way; shorts that go all the way down to your ankles -- pants!
S3 E1 Racing in the Streets
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KenFruits have the same rights as normal people. It's not like they're from Vietnam.
S3 E3 Tommy's Not Gay
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[Ken goes bust at the blackjack table.]
KenDamn it! The wussy must be here!
S3 E14 Hot Streak
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[Tommy's gay father, Perry, shows up.]
KenShouldn't you be out there dancing with the construction worker, the cop, and the Indian?
S3 E17 After Mrs. Shafter
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Scenes with Ken Titus 28
TTitus
All he does is mess with people's minds!
KenYou're right, I do.
TTitus
See, you're doing it right now!
Ken[slyly] No, I'm not.
TTitus
Yes, you are!
KenAll right, I am.
TTitus
Stop it!
S1 E3 Dave Moves Out
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[Flashback to when Titus was 17]
Daddy! My key doesn't work in the door any more! I have laundry!
Ken[opens door] Laundry? [squirts dish soap over Titus' shirt] Here's some soap. Go find a rock in a river.
S1 E3 Dave Moves Out
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FYFive-Year-Old Titus
Dad, Teacher said we can be anything we wanted to be.
KenShe wasn't talking to you, son. Now, go in the backyard and practice digging some holes.
TTitus
We think you have a problem. It's about your drinking.
KenBut I haven't had a drink in a month.
TTitus
Dad, we'd like you to start again.
S1 E8 Intervention
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TTitus
Dad, is there anything I can do?
KenSee if you can trade yourself in for a nice Korean kid. (a nearby Asian nurse glares at him)
TTitus
(pointing at the nurse) Uh, dad--
KenI'll name him Ho-John Titus.
TTitus
Dad--
KenHo-John wouldn't steal my distributor cap, and I could probably get him for a pack of cigarettes.
TTitus
(pointing at the nurse) Why don't you see if she can help you?
Ken(turning to the nurse) You know where I can get a Korean kid?
S1 E9 Episode Eleven
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[Ken Titus is recovering from a heart attack.]
KenJesus was laughing when I went into the light!
TTitus
He was laughing 'cause you were trying to get into heaven!
S2 E1 Titus is Dead
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KenChoose. Who do you want in your life, her or me?
TTitus
I don't have to choose between you. I'm not 5... 7, 12, or 16 any more.
S2 E8 The Reconciliation
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Titus pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.